I am in an emotional mess and feel stuck in a relationship that I can't leave. My BF and his wife were living separately when we met and got together in August 2010 and he said they were having a trial separation in their relationship.
I stupidly agreed to accept it when she moved over and in with him the following May - he said he wanted to spend time with his kids an that he woul leave her by the end of the year. I couldn't say goodbye and I had fallen completely in love with him - complete infatuation- so I have waited and waited and carried on seeing him. He has stayed at my house a night or two a week over this time, and we have been on holidays together.
I always felt terrible about his wife but, well, I'm obviously gullible, immoral or totally selfish, or all of the above. i couldn't give up because I thought it might be just about to work out.
Anyway. He finally rented a place in September and after that I thought it was all going to work out between us but i have checked out where his car was a few times at night and on several occasions it was near or outside his wife's house. i confronted him and he had various excuses - he was on his bike, the kids didn't want to go to his, he was out with mutual friends and got too drunk to drive and left the car there etc etc. Just enough to make me doubt myself.
I feel completely disorientated by it all and obsessed and as soon as i see him I seem to be unable to keep my boundaries. Historically we always had a lovely time but now I just fel used and mental but still can't leave, despite the fact i feel i am being manipulated. i just keep hoping I am wrong, particularly as he is so convincing face to face. i am due to see him tomorrow and need to say to him he needs to make a choice as I can't carry like this.
I realise a lot of you will probably have a go at me, but I need to see it all in black and white as it is all so shameful. Prior to this I was in what felt like an abusive relationship and I just feel so totally unlovable.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I am such an idiot and I hate myself :-(
wileycoyote · 08/01/2013 22:49
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