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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!(1000 Posts)
Hello, tis me, Mouse
Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!
Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!
Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.
Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.
We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT
Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.
Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.
EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.
For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD
And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD
Thanks for all the encouragement
Hope all babes are having a good day!
Hey curry another way of interpreting the giving / sharing aspect is to look after yourself first for now. Personally, I can't give much back to anyone now because I need to stay calm and sober, obviously that does have an impact on my family, so that's all I do.
I can't remember if you said you've been to the dr's this time or not? Do you have any rl help as well as the lovely bus? Stay warm and safe, don't put nay pressure on yourself.And if you need to cry- just do it! Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
green I love that video. Might try looking at that site in a bit. By Hilary, I mean the author Hilary Mantel. I managed about 5 mins last night, I got to a really exciting bit of the book when ds began to wail from the depths of his room. Sod it. I had to put the book down and fetch him. Sigh.
I do not know if Hilary Mantel is a squid. I have only seen photos showing her face and shoulders. Suspicious now.
MrsMalinky I have been on seroxat for many years (for anxiety) and have accepted that I will need treatment. However about a year ago, possible side effects came up and since then I have been prescribed various different ADs at different doses. I can't seem to get the medication right, it is a balancing act between the drug and the side effect.
That is why I said maybe I just need to accept the anxiety, because at the moment I'm struggling to 'cure' it.
curry hope you are feeling better today, remember we are here if you need us (hope the Bus doesn't break down in the snow!)
Afternoon, tis me, Mouse
Greeny - you're welcome xx
Gugg - Ohh no- wait. This is what I do in the evenings now: I climb into bed with ds for a long toddler snuggle and a chat.He loves this time and puts an imaginary seatbelt on me to keep me next to him. - that made me cry. The seatbelt bit is ace xx
That's like me and Nemo now because the past was praying for him to go to sleep so I could go get another drink
I now snuggle up with him and doze off most nights, I love it. I love him. I love life. More than ever.
Curry - I'm going to PM you. The advice you've had so far has been awesome. Try and get some help sweetheart, please. What you said about you and DP not drinking together anymore are the same as me and DH when I first stopped.
You have a HUGE amount going on in your life. You have £££ worries, you feel so overwhelmed by everything and it's getting on top of you.
Break it all down. Write it out. Make lists of what you are worried about. Slow things down. Right down.
I don't want to go on about your relationship with DP but you not being his 'drinking buddy' anymore will piss him off too.....
You have your girls so if that, just that thought keeps you going for the next few hours, then please, keep them in the front of your mind, but I agree with others who have said to go and see your GP.
If you don't want to talk to anyone else/someone who knows you, go and speak to a different GP. But speak. Even if you just write your thoughts down and then burn them, you have to keep letting them out, just as you did here.....
It's so hard to put one foot in front of the other some days, breathing in and out, opening your eyes... keep posting. Please keep coming back to us until you can find a source of RL help you are happy with. xx
Your post about you wandering around crying broke my heart. I wanted to come and scoop you up. Try and take things slowly.
Joey - I totally understand the balance issues between meds and side effects. My meds are the same. Juggling actatastic! How are you today?
Nemo is still poorly, and my back and hips are killing me. I need to go to the docs for a meds review so I'm away to go and make some appts. Then I'll come back later to set up a new thread for us all.
MrsM - hello, I'm not sure if we've said hi yet.
Back soon lovelies. xx
Hugs for you lovely mouse (((( ))))) and for sweet little Nemo ((( ))) sorry your in pain & Nemo is poorly. Hope you both feel better soon xx
mouse oohh poor you I bet this weather doesn't help does it? never mind I've heard we're set for a big thaw at the weekend, and temperatures will go from -5 to 12 overnight! hope you manage to get to the doctors okay
I'm feeling better today, of course it would help if I avoided things which I know make the anxiety worse eg. too much coffee, or being so lazy I don't bother getting ready to go somewhere on time, and then worrying cause I'm going to be late....
mouse ! Ds is an ace little boy and much more than I deserve to have. I often think about your little nemo and wish you all the best. I think that nemo is a little older than my ds- he's 3.
Always good to hear from you mouse x
joey Very glad you are feeling better today, it's easy to see in your posts when things aren't right.Anxiety is one of those weird 'umbrella' terms that sort of mean different things to different people, on different days etc. I kind of understand the acceptance thing, it's letting go of worries that you can't do anything about. I used to listen to some mindfulness cd's about 4/5 years ago when I was going though the infertility / ivf stuff. It was really helpful, so i might go and dig it back out.
baby hope you are on the mend. I don't really know anything about chron's disease (and I don't have my glasses on so I don't think that I've spelled taht correctly!) but it's can be quite painful, can't it?
keep warm today lovely babes
Thanks mouse. Sorry to hear you are in pain.
I have a dr appointment tomorrow.
Not sure how to talk to dp at the moment. we are supposed to be buying a house, I'm ignoring my phone. such an idiot
gugg I also have a three year old IVF baby x
joey I also have generalized anxiety disorder. Panic disorder and OCD or should I say have been diagnosed with. I have been pretty well now for a few years (CBT long course with top psychiatrist and prozac) yes acceptance is huge, accepting your thoughts and worries, allowing them to happen giving them a nod then letting them sail on by. Overthinking why we are thinking things is a very vicious circle.
curry so pleased to hear you are going to docs, don't be fobbed off, tell them you are feeling worthless, want to retreat, spontaneously bursting into tears etc. Best of luck x
Are you sure you want to buy the house? I mean really sure? You have sooooooooooooo much going on just now, I'm not sure that it would be a great idea to do such a huge project right now when you don't even feel safe in your own skin.
You need to get help with the mood swings, the lows are really starting to come more frequently now. I'm glad you're going to the doctor tomorrow. Just let out what you can. BE HONEST.
My GP knows me now but there was a time when I wouldn't tell him anything. I didn't feel right saying it out loud so why tell him?
Are the girls going to be at school? You could really do with going alone to get your head space.
Re talking to DP, don't. Not unless you feel strong enough to hear what he has to say because you might not like it. He may blame YOU for the change in the relationship. Your not drinking is causing him to look at his own drinking and people don't like that. Not one bit.
Try and take the pressure off one another too. Try to just be nice to each other if that makes sense. Just sit and watch tv later, when the girls are in bed, even if he's drinking..... make small talk and see how he is with you.
Are you going to tell him you're going to the docs? Does he know about the train station and you crying in despair? I wish I had more practical advice but I think with so much going on, you just need to prioritise what you need to do, for YOU, for the girls and for DP. Does he help out at home? Cooking? Housework or helping with the girls homework etc?
Could he put the girls to bed and give you a break for a bit? You sound like you've gone utterly and totally beyond emotional and physical exhaustion. You're just about running on empty aren't you? xxxxxxxxxx
Off to bath fish boy - Nemo - where is Ma? That was just for her
NEW THREAD IS HERE
Please fill this one first as per so we don't lose anyone! Be back later xx
Evening Babes Hope everyone is doing OK tonight.
At the moment, I am so angry with 11 year old D (I can't use the other D just now - I'm so cross with her!). I found out this morning that she had sneaked out one of my handbags (large, tan leather affair) to use as her school bag. She knew full well that if she asked me I would say 'no' as she's asked in the past. This bag was brand new, expensive and from a dear friend who moved away. It has, as she well knows, sentimental value too. My friend gave it to me as a birthday present and I haven't even used it yet. Not only has she done that, she has also managed to splash something corrosive on it and this has stripped the tan colour from the leather in places on the front and bottom of the bag. It's ruined. I'm upset and angry. She said 'Sorreeeee!' this morning and gave me 'attitude' about it (I'm sure you can imagine how that went down!) and when I told her to empty it out before school, I got 'I was GOING to!'. She's more contrite this evening but I'm just not able to forgive her just yet and I guess I'm not sure if I'm right or not? The whole thing is making me crave wine - to soften the edges of the crap. It's as if I now have a 'good excuse' to buy wine, I 'deserve it', 'she's enough to make anyone turn to drink' etc. In reality, I know that's a crock of shit but.....I guess those are the tactics the addiction side of my brain wants me to hear. The course was diabolical today, too. Three of the girls were in tears and it was all very emotional. Appointment with Alcohol Service woman was good and I managed to put more of my feelings into words - thanks, in a big part, to the Bus.
Sorry for me, me, me post but I value your opinions and I'm not sure I'm getting this right ?
PS Haven't got any wine and am in PJs already - so probably safe.
purple what is wrong with girls of that age?! I can almost hear my DD going 'Sorreeeee!' in exactly the same tone of voice.
If she doesn't understand the emotional reason behind your being upset (and why should she, at this age all they seem to think about is themselves ) maybe a financial penalty would work? ie. she will be paying for a replacement out of her pocket money
and on top of that your course was awful too! no wonder you felt like a drink - and a HUGE 'well done' for resisting.
As for getting it right - what, the parenting part? We will never, ever get that completely right to the little darlings satisfication; their entire life is spent wondering why their parents are so EVIL and MEAN. If you have got through the day without walking out on the course, without a drink, and without killing your daughter, then it has been a success. Anything else is a bonus.
((curry)) and ((purple))
And general all round hugs to the Brave Babes.
purple, the bag still represents your special friend- your DD hasn't spoilt that, it's only a thing and if she's now contrite, that has to be good- you've reminded her you have feelings and that you're worthy of respect, which you really are! Try and salvage the good out of the whole situation and remember, a drink won't make anything better.
All is really good chez help- my face is still puffy and painful, but I've started my new job and it's going really well; I have a hospital appointment next week and my boss was lovely about taking time off- it needs sorting, no need to take it as leave- I feel very supported.
This bus is so fantastic- try and get some of that supportive love in RL too, Babes. DD had a party last weekend. There was booze and a fellowship friend came round. I felt really carried!
And well done purple for recognising that 'bag-gate' is really triggering you and posting about it and getting into your PJ's.
and for your bag, btw- I think my post about it above is rather lalala Pollyannaish soppy!
Thanks Joey. She does understand the emotional attachment - she really likes my friend too and spends lots of sleep over's there. She doesn't want me to tell my friend what she's done. And the part I'm struggling with is the forgiving bit. I'm feeling so cross I'm finding it hard to move on. (Have done a bit better as she just came in to say sorry again). I'm thinking that, in life, sometimes, if you've done something really hurtful, people won't just forgive you as soon as you say 'sorry' but........I've always tried to let things go if/when DCs say sorry!? . Bloody daughters, eh!?
And thanks, Help (not Pollyannaish at all!). It's not really the bag, I think, it's DD total disregard for my feelings and lack of respect for my belongings. Glad the job is going really well.
Purple What Joey says exactly - "If you have got through the day without walking out on the course, without a drink, and without killing your daughter, then it has been a success. Anything else is a bonus."
Help really glad things are getting better for you - What's going on Help soppy
purple I think it's okay to be angry at least until tomorrow - sometimes kids think "sorry" is a get out of jail free card, she did something really naughty and can feel bad about it for a bit.
Purple-Bloody daughters, eh!?
I hear you- 2 teenage DDs here, they're gorgeous, infuriating, supportive, my mirror and my inspiration.
purple I feel your pain. My dds were bad for taking and using my stuff. Dd2 is still really bad for it and they don't seem to understand your hurt when your stuff is damaged. I think you are right to not accept the first careless sorreeeee, so that she understands that she has genuinely upset you and made you sad.
Don't rush to make up - won't do her any harm to feel bad for an hour or two
Okay at the risk of labouring the point I'm posting the link again in case anyone missed it www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo-GNlmPRTM
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