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practicalities of ending a relationship

(3 Posts)
typographicerrors Mon 07-Jan-13 23:50:48

I think i am coming to the end of a relationship after 11 years but am tying myself in knots about how to manage the transition and separation. my partner knows I am not happy and whilst i have agreed to have counselling (again) I am not hopeful. We have two children 6 & 3 and both work full time and have always split finances and childcare 50/50. i think he would want to have very joint custody of the children but it would break my heart to move out without the children. i recently set up a new business so am not earning very much and have no chance of getting another mortgage - our current mortgage is cheap as chips so even renting another flat big enough to house the girls in london would be out of the question on my current earnings. As it is principally me that wants to end the relationship then i dont feel that I can morally ask to stay in the house with the children and ask him to leave. one option would be to split the house into two flats and have one each which would allow us to continue to share the parenting and possibly offer some stability for the children but I am not sure if it would be good for us to continue to live on top of each other like that. Another would be to rent a studio flat nearby and take it in turns to stay in the house with the girls until we can sell the house and both buy houses. can anyone offer any advice or experience on how to manage all this?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 08-Jan-13 07:37:45

You need to talk to a solicitor. Even though you're not married and divorce is not relevant you joint own a property (I hope your name is on both mortgage and deeds), you each have a capital stake and you are going to need that capital in order to make a fresh start in some form or other. That means a) legal assistance in making sure it's a fair deal and b) not selling yourself short out of misplaced guilt. It takes two to make a relationship either succeed or fail. You can organise access without legal interference if you are both amicable.

FWIW I don't think it's a good idea to live cheek by jowl with an ex partner because it can hamper everyone's ability to move on, meet new people and so forth.

DoingItForMyself Tue 08-Jan-13 11:09:02

Agree with what Cog says, also look into working tax credits etc as you can still get those when self-employed as a single parent, so you may be better off than you think.

I agree that living so close would be difficult so wouldn't go for the splitting the house in 2 option, but I can see the merit of the parents moving in & out instead of the DCs having to move from one place to the other. I considered that, but the place stbxh rents is hideous so I wouldn't want to stay there!

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