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Why do I act so mental around men I like?? (possibly long)(39 Posts)
Im pretty normal (I think!) and as soon as I am in a relationship with someone Im quite a relaxed girlfriend, dont expect constant contact, in fact I prefer a fair amount of space and have no problem with seeing someone two or three times a week etc.
However, I seem to have developed a very uncool attitude to new men. I dont know why I do it! Its possible I have trust issues etc from bad 3yr relationship with ex, but not that Im aware of..
Anyway, Ill give you an example. I met a guy, we went on a date, the date was lovely, we text for a few days, he was telling me he really liked me etc. Then he cancelled our second date on the morning of it, saying his mum was ill or something similarly vague. I text him saying ok thats fine. Then crazy me kicked in and I asked him if he was politely blowing me off. To which he said no, no he would see me soon.
Then, nothing for a week. So I text him today (crazy me again) and just asked him to thank his friend again for me (he had done me a favour the day after I met them). I was genuinely just being nice, I assumed he had decided to take it no further with me so I was just passing on my thanks. But then he asked me if I wanted to go out again soon. I said yes.
But Im confused a little now. I know everyone I know would have told me not to text him today, and I know I shouldnt have accused him of trying to blow me off coz he cancelled one date! So what the hell is up with me? Anyone else behave like a nutter??
When did I say I thought I had exclusive rights to him!
Jesus. I just don't want to date someone who dates multiple women at the same time. He may have only been on one date with me, but what about the others? He might be 4, 9 or more dates in and I don't think its ever acceptable to lie to someone you're supposed to like.
"Whoever said, maybe the guy is in another relationship/dating loads of other girls so I should give him a break - what? I dont want to be with someone like that! If thats the case he can eff off anyway"
Ah, there's your problem right there. He takes you out to dinner ONCE and now you think you own him, to the exclusion of all others.
I've got two grown-up sons. They take girls out to dinner, but all it means is "I like you and I'd like to get to know you better". But girls often seem to think it means "I'm falling in love with you and I've lost all interest in other women".
Internet dating doesn't assume exclusive dinner dating, nor does speed dating, nor singles dating? You get to know people better over a dinner, or a few dinners and then maybe a relationship takes off and gets deeper and becomes exclusive. This works better for women anyway, because we waste less time with guys that turn out to be jerks.
Op - you know what to do- no more texts! (Much harder said than done though! I may have just today sent a text I should have stopped myself sending )
Re the words used, agree with theBOF, I use words like crazy, bonkers etc about silly things done by normal people. I would never speak unkindly about someone with mental health issues. I have struggled with anorexia, depression and had a nervous breakdown in the past. I actually think highly of people fighting mental health problems and truly admire those with the courage to speak openly about them.
Probably for the best. It doesn't make you feel great when you feel like you have to pester someone for their attention.
OK, firstly, Im sorry if I offended anyone with my language, I didnt think. And I know that gay is a crap word to use, I never use it! Dont know what came over me!
Whoever said, maybe the guy is in another relationship/dating loads of other girls so I should give him a break - what? I dont want to be with someone like that! If thats the case he can eff off anyway.
Also, yes I know he has his own life. All i was trying to establish is whether i should wait around (not literally) for another text or whether i should delete him number and forget about him. We only had one date, I hardly know him, but i also dont appreciate being told one thing and then just ignored.
I have put it all to bed now anyway, he is done with!
I don't they will, you know. People tend to use them in humour about perfectly normal behaviour, referring to themselves a lot of the time. They don't really get used by your averagely polite person to actually talk about/at people with MH issues. I hope work goes well tomorrow- keep us posted how you get on?
I'm sorry you feel upset, obviously, and hope you start to feel better soon. I can't agree with you on whether some of the terms you are offended by should be expunged from everyday speech though. Good luck back at work.
I'm sure a court of law might not accept the pop song test, but as an informal measure and mark of our culture, it is fine as an example, yes. Bonkers and crazy are words in common usage, deemed inoffensive by the majority of people. Hence pop songs that use them, for example, would be unlikely to inspire a twitter campaign to boycott them. Whereas some of the other terms you mention would clearly have a large number of people up in arms. Words like spaz etc have never held that commonly-acceptable status, even if people wishing to be derogatory or abusive have used them. I'm not sure I understand why you don't see the difference?
Do you want people to tiptoe around you mrsW ? Scared to say the word ' batshit ? '
Or do you want to be treated normally - as a person who just so happens to have an illness ?
No they weren't. They have always been terms of abuse. They aren't in any pop songs, for example. I think you are mistaken to lump all these words in the same category.
I think you are going to have to accept that words and phrases are just part of the vernacular of our speech. Which is obviously different from disablist language screeched at children with special needs to abuse and intimidate them.
Batshit isn't offensive. Or is it ? Eek. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be offended by that.
Yes of bloody course retard etc is offensive. But Christ - if we all got our knickers in a twist over loon or nutter then we'd never get a thing done
Well yes. And it's not nice that you do find them offensive. A word like ' nutter ' though is generally not regarded as offensive. Unless you're easily offended
Too deep, too fast! He's got a life that doesn't revolve around you yet. Maybe he's in a relationship with someone else and needs to "disengage" first? Not always easy if the girl is needy.... Could be any one of a number of things going on in his life. You only had a date so you don't own him - maybe he likes you.... and ten other girls he happened to take out to dinner? Too deep, too fast scares guys off like no other...
So ok, if he comes back and shows some genuine interest then great but meanwhile you're back on the market right? His loss if he doesn't follow up.
Well, I wouldn't be offended by words such as nutter or crazy < and I am pretty sure I would feel the same if I was suffering mental health issues > but 'gay' makes you sound a bit daft.
Anyway, I don't think you're crazy. I think this man is not interested. Concentrate on his actions and not his words. If he is not calling or texting you on a daily/frequent basis - he's not interested.
I agree he doesn't sound interested unfortunately. But I don't think you've behaved inappropriately - you've been nice and honest. You just sound confused because he said one thing (not dumping you, definitely wants to meet up) and doing another (blanket radio silence).
Don't bother with him.
Er, also - using 'gay' as a pejorative makes you sound like a dick.
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