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Kissing during sex

(85 Posts)
Seekingthezone Sun 06-Jan-13 13:34:44

When DW and I had sex she would always refuse to kiss during the act. I found this odd as GIfs prior to marriage had always kissed. I found it quite sensual and part of the joy. it was a simulation as well. it was dental hygiene getting in the way either.

it seemed really odd to me that we could be in the middle of the most intimate thing that a couple does and she felt uncomfortable kissing during it.

Any one else come across this or have views why she would not kiss.

She will kiss to say good night. But that is a dry very quick kiss. No passion.

Btw married for 10+ years but it has always been like that.

CabbageLeaves Fri 11-Jan-13 16:39:40

A positive balanced view there Greer...

I'm divorced.
she will take the kids We didn't have a residency order leaving kids are free to decide.

probably take your home We split the house 50/50.

you will have less money to spend He doesn't pay maintenance but yes he does have less money cause he's no longer sponging off me...

She might then make it difficult for you to see your kids I have facilitated contact repeatedly for my DCs sake but his social life seems to hamper his access.

She may very likely take up with another man, who will then be the father of your kids I have 'taken up' with another man who is NOT the father of my kids.

Maybe he won't be the step-dad you would have chosen for them? It's not up to my ex to choose the step dad for his kids (how fucking controlling would a man have to be to decide that was is role???)

She might (without realising it) bring home guys that turn out to be a danger to herself and your kids The man I was married to was the danger! I suspect a patriarchal moron would feel differently and blame me however.....

Numberlock Fri 11-Jan-13 16:57:16

Greer - I'm a divorced mother, sadly my post would be deleted if I told you what I think of you. Glad to see misogyny thriving on MN.

Fairenuff Fri 11-Jan-13 17:02:36

Well I suppose you could do what Greer suggests. Stay where you are. Have occasional unsatisfactory sex with an unwilling partner. Live in an atmosphere of coldness without joy or passion or fun. If that's what you really want.

But don't expect your children to be grateful or thank you for it. Once they are adults they will live their own lives and make their own choices and they won't be thinking about you.

If you want to stay married, fine, that's your choice. But remember, it is you choice. There is no point staying in an unhappy relationship and moaning about it.

Alter Fri 11-Jan-13 17:07:39

If you are looking at the biochemistry of it, there is evidence that saliva contains testosterone therefore kissing increases the female sex drive so this hormone is one of the key ingredients to our reproductive success.

CabbageLeaves Fri 11-Jan-13 17:29:37

Oh and btw my kids told me that the split was a relief. Fully aware of the tension (we thought we had hidden it totally?) they were relieved when we parted. Yes divorce is brutal ...breaking up is hard blah blah blah. Marriage was more brutal for me.

I do know that some mums obstruct access, write out the father and take every penny they can. I also know the statistics show a huge number of fathers evade maintenance because of their bitterness at the money going to the mother to be spent on housing, feeding and nurturing their children. They also lack commitment to seeing their DC. Pretty poor behaviour exists in men and women.

AnyFucker Fri 11-Jan-13 18:23:04

Is anybody else thinking that Greer lives in an awful situation and invested in normalising it for others?

drizzlecake Fri 11-Jan-13 19:30:55

Is anybody else thinking that Greer lives in an awful situation and invested in normalising it for others

No, I just think he has male friends and he is hearing a probably v selective male view of divorce. Cabbageleaves gives the other side of this.

I find it odd that you and DW never discuss things Seeking . Whilst there is this unhappy atmosphere at home, with you feeling rejected, what is DW doing. Does she shut herself in the bedroom much of the day, is she happy and laughing at the tv with the DCs, is she busy helping with their homework and ferrying them here and there, is she out with friends most evenings??

It's really hard to get a convincing picture. You seem pretty exasperated and pissed off but what is the rest of the family doing whilst you mooch about feeling annoyed and unappreciated?

DH and I never kiss during sex, by the way, probably due to my wish to revel in the sensations in other parts of the body without the distraction of snogging.

Seekingthezone Fri 18-Jan-13 23:05:29


More than happy to focus on other regions of the body than lips but that is also off bounds. Foreplay was never on the cards. Wham bham, thankyou man and lets talk about shopping/jobs etc.

Agreed it is hard to get a two sided picture and all of these posts are my view but I am becoming drive to distraction and saught a wider circle of views.

I do want to find a resolution though and that is tough.

The DC do know there is arguiing. They hear it afterall, not that it is constant by any means.

Greer - not wholly my views but there are some shared concerns.

It is really dififcult to know when you are in the middle of something to see whether it would be better leaving or staying where you are and that is not just true of domestic life. It will only be in hindsight that the best position becomes apparent,

Numberlock Fri 18-Jan-13 23:38:29

More navel gazing OP.

madgered Sat 19-Jan-13 11:09:45

I love kissing and snogging. But sometimes during sex I'm just too carried away by deliciousness and I prefer other forms of stimulation. I won't actively avoid it but for me it isn't the be all and end all of the experience.
Perhaps your DW prefers other types of stimulation? perhaps she's worried about her dental hygiene or kissing after you've been down there?

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