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can't decide whether to end this now

(14 Posts)
unsurewhatnext Sat 05-Jan-13 19:41:36

Hi I'm a regular but have nc for this.
been seeing someone about 5 months, it's my first proper relationship in several years - divorced after exh left for OW was traumatic at the time. I've found this new relationship challenging after years on my own as I've had to let my defences down a bit and sort of 'move on'

It's been good, he's a really considerate and nice chap and I care about him a lot. However I don't see it as a long term thing I suppose - I don't want any more dcs and am happy with the life me and dcs have. I wasn't looking for a relationship - possibly ever after my marriage or at least not till dcs older. (He's not met them)

He's a bit younger than me and I think ready to settle down, he'd love dcs of his own. He says he's happy with things as they are, we see each other as and when I can, he's very affectionate and thoughtful and fabulous in bed grin

But maybe I'm reaching a point of thinking I should end it soon. I just wanted to run it past you all really - wondered if any others have been in this type of situation or have any thoughts.

Thanks if you've read this far smile

BitOutOfPractice Sat 05-Jan-13 19:46:02

Why look for problems? Why not live for today and see what happens?

susanann Sat 05-Jan-13 19:48:35

oh thats tricky! Seems a shame to end it. May I ask why you started a relationship if you cant cope with it/envisage it being more permanent? Does he know you dont want anymore children ? Does he know you dont see it as long term? I understand your reluctance after your previous experience but not all men are bastards! Ive not been in your situation so its not easy to know what to advise you.

unsurewhatnext Sat 05-Jan-13 20:05:28

thanks yes that's true bitoutofpractice - so useful to get views on here

susanann yes I'm very open with him and feel like we can talk about anything, which is lovely. As for why it started it just sort of happened! I didn't expect to get so involved I suppose. Do you mind if I ask what you did in the situation and how it turned out?

unsurewhatnext Sat 05-Jan-13 20:42:17

blush sorry thought that said you had been in the situation but now I've realised it said you've not blush

susanann Sat 05-Jan-13 20:47:10

thats ok! so what about the kids thing?

unsurewhatnext Sat 05-Jan-13 20:50:54

oh yes I've told him I don't want any more children and that I don't see it as long term. I think he's just more 'live in the moment' than me and thinks it's nice for now, he has no-one else to consider and why not just enjoy it

unsurewhatnext Sat 05-Jan-13 20:52:41

I should add that I think recently he's getting a bit more involved than that though, as am I ,which is why I've started to question it more IYSWIM

MirandaWest Sat 05-Jan-13 21:03:47

Might you be a little scared of the fact things are going all right? Maybe let things carry on and see how they go (am my own worst enemy for this as like to know where things are going but am realising sometimes you have to just see what happens).

susanann Sat 05-Jan-13 21:04:11

Do you see the age gap as an issue?

unsurewhatnext Sat 05-Jan-13 21:12:21

yes miranda it might just be fear and wanting to control things a bit and all of that. Susanann thanks again no it's not a massive age gap so that in itself isn't a problem -it's the whole concept of being in a relationship as a parent too - I know that probably sounds silly.

unsurewhatnext Sat 05-Jan-13 21:14:28

also sometimes it can feel like I'm leading a bit of a 'double life' as dcs don't know about him

Absoluteeightiesgirl Sat 05-Jan-13 21:19:18

Hmmm...... I totally get what you are saying about the life you are developing with your and your Dc but what about YOU? I am wondering if his desire for children against your desire to perhaps not have children is the main sticking point rather than the life you have with your kids. It is as if you have/are making a decision for him IYSWIM. If he had said that he wasn't bothered about having kids would that make you see this differently? It seems a shame to bin something that is obviously going well and you are enjoying because you don't see it going longer term. If I were you I wouldn't bin it and just enjoy this fella. Have you spoken to him about longer term? How does he see the r'ship developing?

Absoluteeightiesgirl Sat 05-Jan-13 21:21:22

Whoops..... Just read one of your replies re: how he sees it/your views on more kids

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