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the calm before the storm!

(16 Posts)
vikingmaid Sat 05-Jan-13 15:00:19

Long story...XH last year had breakdown/drinking/self harm, then left had a brief affair now living alone and unhappy. Me trying to hold together after 17 years of marriage this is really out of character but hoping he'd get help, blah, blah, need my head examined!

Had a lovely xmas which we shared and he was very happy and flirty and gave me the come on which I refused and said if he ment it see how things go. A few days later he goes stone cold and says that I've manipulated him.

Last night I text to say he's been cruel and that we need to formalise access more for DC.

Midnight I get a text with the bridge that he nearly 'jumped off'. I stopped myself returning text. Feel that Im responsible for this, hand needs holding!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 05-Jan-13 15:05:54

You are not responsible for this. How could you be? You, very sensibly rejected his advances which were probably made out of sexual needs rather than love, he then tried to blame you for it.

Him sending you the picture of the bridge is just cruel and petty. I hope this has affirmed any doubts you had about not being with him.

From where i'm standing, you have done nothing wrong. I will be here to hold your hand as long as you need it smile

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 15:10:19

And I will be there to push him off verify that nobody jumped from said bridge smile

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 05-Jan-13 15:10:47

izzy grin

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 15:11:52

You set it up, puds, and I couldn't resist... grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 05-Jan-13 15:13:51

Go team grin

extracrunchy Sat 05-Jan-13 16:39:22

It sounds like you did everything right! You were very sensible not to get involved again. You were certainly not manipulative.
Sending you a picture of a bridge he "nearly jumped off" on the other hand IS.

twinklesparkles Sat 05-Jan-13 16:42:16

Lol so he nearly jumped off a bridge... Instead just decided to take a picture

I've never known someone on the verge of suicide to take a picture of what they were going to do it with

Its not your fault he's being manipulative.. Hugs for you

porridgelover Sat 05-Jan-13 16:47:58

Viking you'd have to laugh wouldn't you.

Talk about blowing hot and cold.

FGS woman, it has nothing to do with you...it's all him

Lueji Sat 05-Jan-13 16:48:19

The key word is "nearly".

He didn't.

Even if he had, it would still be his responsibility and his choice.

You can and probably should report to the authorities that he is claims to be suicidal.

I was on the phone to ex, the very day I left, for 30 min with him claiming to going to kill himself. Eventually I turned off the phone and walked away to be with DS, who was actually the person who needed me.

Ex needed something else.

What kind of picture was it, btw? Top to bottom? Or off the web?

And quite frankly the temptation to tell these twats to do it is imense.

rightchoice2 Sat 05-Jan-13 16:49:18

Holding your hand very tight. If you needed a reminder of WHY you are not together this is it. What sort of role model does he think he is for your DC. Don't waste a moment feeling responsible. From where I am looking you are the only person bringing sanity into the lives of those who need you most, your DC.

Allergictoironing Sat 05-Jan-13 16:52:12

Read a few other threads here os women who have dumped abusive exPs - most of them seem to threaten suicide at some stage, it's in The Script. And guess what? None of them seem to have managed it so far - they must all be a pretty incompetent bunch lol.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Jan-13 18:02:58

" Feel that Im responsible for this, hand needs holding!"

You're not responsible for any of his behaviour. Not for the drinking, the self harm, the breakdown, the affair or the fact that he has now decided he's sad and lonely. I think, however, you need to set the boundaries a lot clearer in future because he obviously regarded your shared Christmas, not as an act of kindness, but as a sign that you wanted to get back together. You can't afford - however accidentally - to give a man as unstable as this false hopes.

ImperialBlether Sat 05-Jan-13 18:38:54

Send him a photo of your bed without him in it.

porridgelover Sat 05-Jan-13 19:02:56

imperial grin

vikingmaid Sat 05-Jan-13 20:31:44

Thanks everyone, you are a sensible lot! i felt guilty because I flirted back (i know...still cant quite believe its over after 17 years) He is a changed man and I must look at him in the now, not the past. I might just push him myself next time, as there is bound to be...he says he will get help...wont hold my breath.

I think the mental health issues has kept me. But I need to move on.

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