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arguments and late periods

(37 Posts)
illbeinthesky Fri 04-Jan-13 21:33:51

Me and my bf have a lot of arguments and I've started having later periods. We don't have sex, waiting until marriage, besides we have too much physical distance between us. I also started taking this ap class but I can't pen point when my periods started coming late. Are our arguments the cause or the class? Also second question ladies, he likes to talk on the phone with me late at night but I would like to do it much earlier like in the day or early night. I understand he wants his man time, but how do I get day phone conversations without seeming like an overbearing gf?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 22:26:57

First thing to say is that menstruation can be messed up by stress, fatigue, poor nutrition, various medical conditions. I don't know what an 'ap class' is but suspect that the frequent arguments and late night conversations are very stressful and tiring.

Second... when you say you are 'waiting until marriage' do you mean you're actually thinking of marrying a man who argues with you all the time, lives at a distance and insists on phoning you at his convenience rather than at a time better suited to you? You're describing a very aggressive, selfish and inconsiderate person, certainly not a prospective husband.

I think your definition of 'overbearing' needs a serious revision. In a good relationship there should not be constant arguments or inconsiderate behaviour. You should be able to say anything at all to a partner without worrying about his reaction.

meditrina Fri 04-Jan-13 22:36:17

How much difference is there to your cycle? Menstrual rhythm can change, but a sudden big alteration should probably be checked by a doctor in case there is an underlying physical cause. If it is put down to stress, then you will need to look at your life in the round to reduce the specific things you find stressful. (I don't know what ap classes are either).

If you want your phone calls earlier, either you make the calls at a time that suits you, at least some days, and/or tell him that you're finding them a bit late, and could he make most of them earlier. That's not an overbearing request. Unless you are trying to say you are worried about the likelihood of his having an unpleasant over-reaction to a reasonable one?

tzella Fri 04-Jan-13 22:37:33

'Later periods' meaning they don't always arrive in the same date? 11th one month, 14th the next? That's his periods work. If you have a smartphone get an app to track them. The apps are spookily accurate in my experience hmm

As for the phone calls - suggest it to him! If he doesn't agree what are you going to do? It's a tiny considerate thing he could do - is losing his 'man time' (???) going to cause him to start an argument with you?

I don't know what an 'ap class' is.

Alittlestranger Fri 04-Jan-13 22:45:08

AP = advanced placement I think. It's a US college thing.

OP you have posted two questions here but I think there's a third problem you really need to be addressing as the priority. Your DP is a DB, to carry on the American acronyms.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 22:49:00

Douche Bag?

Alittlestranger Fri 04-Jan-13 22:51:54

Yep, from this angle.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 23:00:35

The combination of staying virginal until marriage, accepting constant arguments, being non-assertive about asking a boyfriend to change the time of his phone-calls and entertaining the concept of 'man-time' ..... OP are you going for some kind of weird 'surrendered wife' (doormat) type relationship?

illbeinthesky Sat 05-Jan-13 02:10:57

Once I believe from memory it was five days. But I just started one today and it was three days late. Yes I take an advanced placement class, wow didn't know this was international. I love him, doesn't matter about our arguments, at least we have them. Because of there was no love there we wouldn't care enough to argue

illbeinthesky Sat 05-Jan-13 02:12:00

Yes I do have an app for it so that's how I know they have been coming late

SquinkiesRule Sat 05-Jan-13 06:08:05

Why would you want a boyfriend you always have arguments with. Dating is supposed to be fun, this doesn't sound like fun at all, he sounds like a rubbish boyfriend, he calls you late and is disrespectful to you by doing this when he knows, you would prefer to talk earlier.
Dump him you are young and in high school, plenty of time for boyfriends, concentrate of getting good grades in all your classes including the AP one.

LovesBeingAtHomeForChristmas Sat 05-Jan-13 06:21:51

I love him, doesn't matter about our arguments, at least we have them. Because of there was no love there we wouldn't care enough to argue

You have a messed up view of love. Can you explain why many people say they split up due to arguing if arguing means you love each other?

If you want to talk earlier then tell him. If its because he's out then suggest he doesn't call you when he gets back.

thismummyneedssleep Sat 05-Jan-13 06:27:36

Man time?? what does he do in his man time? What is so important that he can not speak during the day. I expect he likes to hear your voice before going to bed but to have long chats late at night is not the time to have them. Rather than chatting to him about the calls you take control and call him when you want and keep the late night calls brief.

Be really sure about the reason your marrying this guy. It wont get better as you will have other stresses adding to your life together and if you plan on kids it will indeed get worse.

good luck with exams

SquinkiesRule Sat 05-Jan-13 06:58:06

Just because you love someone don't have lots of arguments, they and not a mark of how much you love someone. confused

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 07:13:26

Sweetie, how old are you?

If you're doing AP classes you are far too young to be thinking about marriage, and if you are seriously thinking of marriage and going into it with this attitude:

I love him, doesn't matter about our arguments, at least we have them. Because of there was no love there we wouldn't care enough to argue

then you are going to need all the luck you can get because though you don't want to hear this, your man is taking the piss in a serious way and things are not going to get better.

You don't know how to get him to phone you earlier in the day? Don't answer his call if he calls after 10 pm. Do you have the backbone to do that? If you don't, then you don't need to be dating anyone.

Are you 17? 18?

Is he already in college? Is that why he is living away?

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 07:20:22

Arguments can be good -- you can tell a lot about someone by how they behave when you are arguing. I wouldn't marry someone who wouldn't fight fair (not the second time round anyway, lesson learned) and no-one who is afraid of confrontation should even consider getting married.

But arguments are not a sign of people 'caring'.

Nor is pressuring someone to accept unacceptable behaviour, for instance accepting late night phone calls, as the price of maintaining the relationship. Is this what you mean when you say 'caring'? Has he said these late night calls prove he 'cares'?

What he is doing is making sure that you are not contacting any other boys late at night by monopolising your time. Or having any fun texting friends when your homework is done. He is isolating you.

And no, jealousy is not a sign of caring either.

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 07:23:17

Has he told you you are an overbearing girlfriend or told you you are pressuring him or told you he has time commitments and you are not to bother him?

In other words, any suggestion that the timing of contact is going to be on his terms and according to his convenience and not yours?

When you argue, are there any recurring themes?

thismummyneedssleep Sat 05-Jan-13 07:25:47

Of course not squinkie. It is not at all a measure of love but it is something to consider when your periods are affected.

If it were me I would hope my bf would be a little more flexible through the exam period of ap exams and try to limit the stress and not insist on man time (if that is what he is doing) or late night calls that are only a good time for the bf.

Call me old fashioned but is it not everything that goes with loving someone like consideration, respect, being open to your partner, being comfortable, helpful, the list is endless and unconditional.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Jan-13 09:02:39

" I love him, doesn't matter about our arguments, at least we have them. Because of there was no love there we wouldn't care enough to argue"

That's a very twisted, not to say naive and romanticised, view of love that will ensure all your relationships are miserable. You're also not being honest. If you lack the confidence to even tell this boy/man to telephone you at a more convenient time for fear of being seen as 'overbearing' then I doubt very much you are engaging in these arguments on an equal level. Who tells you that you are 'overbearing' when you express your opinion or ask him to do something? Him?.....

I repeat.... You should be able to say anything at all to a partner without worrying about his reaction. Arguments are not a sign of love.

illbeinthesky Sat 05-Jan-13 18:54:39

i understand that i shouldnt be undercover when i try to achieve my goal of having what i want. we have discussed this before via texting. it was going to be a way to resolve an issue we had involving my past. we talked about it and yeah. but break up really that harsh?
i suppose i do need to get back to myself, doing me. with the addition of my leaving the conversation (texting) we havent talked since. he says he wont leave tho, that the decision is all up to me. we have tough love sometimes.

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 19:17:11

Love is not measured by the number of arguments you have
and tough love is what you give to your dc/relatives if they turn out to be drug addicts, alcoholics, abusers, career criminals, or display other forms of antisocial behaviour.

In saying you 'shouldn't be undercover' when trying to achieve your goal of having what you want, do you pretend to be someone or something you're not in order to get or keep a boyfriend?

If so, you are coming from a place of deep insecurity; a place where you believe or feel that the 'real you' is unloveable or not interesting enough/fascinating enough/good enough to engage the long term attention and affections of others.

If this is the case, you need to learn how to love yourself and know that you are more than good enough before embarking on relationships with the opposite sex.

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 20:00:50

How can there be an issue regarding your past?

What was this issue?

What I think when I see someone saying their BF has an issue with something in a GF's past is that this is a jealous person who is also controlling and seeking to make the GF feel bad and constantly apologetic about something she had every right to do, and even if not, she can't change it now that it is in the past. What exactly are you supposed to do now about something in your past?

A problem with a GF's past is very much a problem in the personality of the person for whom it is an issue in the present, who wants to keep someone feeling unequal, or undeserving of such a catch since she is so flawed or damaged goods or whatever phrase you want to use to imply someone who is not worthy of a relationship with MrBigshot but is being tolerated.

A mature person who is secure and able to have a relationship on an equal footing with a GF would not have a problem with something in the past.

illbeinthesky Sat 05-Jan-13 20:54:11

I hear you, I hear you love and arguments don't match up. But if you would like to know the argument came from what I did when my bf and i took some time off. I did things with another dudes, I told him it was bad but not what exactly . recently I did tell him what I did, and basically he got mad all over again, when I've changed. When I asked to know his personal problems, he threw me not telling him about the dude back in my face. We resolved this issue tho and he said he was sorry and what not on our basis of texting out this dilemma. After our arguments it has to be a while for things to get back to normal, or maybe its just a day, that's why we're not talking as of now.

illbeinthesky Sat 05-Jan-13 20:56:28

Only one other male, that was a typing error.

foolonthehill Sat 05-Jan-13 21:08:16

Ok so with your BF

it has to be a while for things to get back to normal, or maybe its just a day, that's why we're not talking as of now his choice or yours? This is not healthy arguing: passive aggressive potentially abusive

took some time off.I did things with another dude, recently I did tell him what I did, and he got mad all over again, When I asked to know his personal problems, he threw me not telling him about the dude back So you were on a relationship break and you were with another man? And he's is none of his business. You were not together at the time. And however "bad" what you did is it is not his job to judge you or to continue to use it as blackmail in your relationship. jealousy and possessiveness are never a good sign.

Dear girl I think you really need to take a long look at yourself and what you believe about relationships before you become embroiled in one. otherwise you will be at high risk of ending up in a bad relationship. be sure of who you are, what you want and respect in a partner, have fun and explore who other people are before you settle for anyone/thing (and I don't mean sex).

There is no way this boy is good for you, you are pursuing a long distance relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Time to call it a day.

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