I need to get this off my chest and get some friendly advice, please dont flame me. I am a 36 year old SAHM with 3 LOs. I thought my marriage was fairly strong, stable but not particularly exciting. I suppose the usual day to day routines of a having a young family. Recently I got chatting to one of the dads at the school drop off, he is funny and charming and married but I got a real thrill out of the obvious attention he was paying me. He started coming over for morning coffee and last week we ended up having sex. The whole thing is so surreal but at the time felt so right I feel so guilty but so very excited at the same time, more alive than I have felt in years.
I know its wrong and that I need to stop. Has anyone else here been in the same situation and is able to offer me some advice, does it always end badly?
It's definitely going to end badly if you live in the same place, shag at your house and meet each other at the school gate. Sorry, but you seem to be doing your level best to be caught at it...
Here's the score. If your life/marriage etc. is dull and you want to change things and stay married then talk to your husband, spruce up your relationship, spice up your life and commit yourself 100%. If your life/marriage is irretrievably dull and you want to end the marriage... end the marriage.
Either way, drop the school Dad until you've decided which of the above you are going to do. Otherwise you are heading for disaster.
Think about your kids.. Your husband... Instead of showing this other man so much attention and concentrating on sneaking around for your next shag deal with the real issues you have which are at home and either end the marriage or sort it out, its just selfish!
Ooops. There is no good ending to this for anyone involved. Except perhaps School Dad who may be the type to get his fun, then move on to the next one.
I'm sorry OP. I dont want to judge anyone, as we are all struggling with life. But this is'nt a solution to anything. You cant deal with any of the issues that must be bubbling underneath to cause this if you continue with this 'relationship'.
Once you start getting that 'alive' / 'excitement' feeling from the sneaking and risk of getting caught, going back to your DH will end up not fulfilling you and you will be looking to fill that void that school dad filled (as he won't be filling it for long) they never do. He will eventually get a conscience, or get caught. (More than likely he gets caught before you do)
You are being 'quite' careful but you know it's risky.Too right it is.Dont delude yourself no-one else at the school gates hasn't noticed as you've obviously been flirting/ dancing around each other for some time. Essentially you say you have a solid marriage but life has got a bit dull.Well it won't be dull when your poor DH finds out.Prepare for the fireworks, a broken marriage and home for your children,or at very least spending months / years trying to repair the damage.If your marriage has got so stale work on it ,or leave it,but it doesn't stand a chance with this OM clouding the issue. Sorry to sound harsh, but I've been on the other side of this situation and will never forget the phone call that exposed my DHs cheating, and the realisation that there was another woman in the background who found my DH fascinating because it was exciting and her life had got ' a bit dull'.And it all stared with a bit of ' harmless' flirting .
Just read your post about discretion and meeting in a car park.Don't think you feel guilt, just a massive sense of self- entitlement.Do you want someone to say you deserve some excitment and go for it?!This isn't a situation that has got out of hand and a one off as a result of him coming around.This has been planned and you a going some way from home to meet him.
Oh god - can I just say this.... you total idiot. A dad from the school? Are you insane? Of course people will find out. Do you honestly think the other women at the school gate haven't noticed the 'obvious attention' he has been showing you. I'd put money on the gossip having gone viral already.
Think of all the people this affects - your DH, your DCs his DW, his DCs. My DH had an affair, we got through it... just. At least he had the good grace to keep it overseas away from my home turf. You've brought him home to your house - that is like a double betrayal. If I were your DH I'd probably kick you out, and then go round to his and punch him.
I know it is flattering to have someone pursue you, but you stand to lose everything here if your DH finds out. Your marriage, and your lover. When the sh*t hits the fan he is likely to drop you and go home to his wife. Most men do.
If you really must have an affair, keep it away from your home and your DCs.