Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dating again after 18 years (confused)

10 replies

flamingnorah · 04/01/2013 00:32

I've just started dating again after 18 years of being with the same man , i have was 16 when we met so apart from him never dated so am not wise in the dating world haha!
I met a really nice guy we had some dates and inbetween the dates he would call and text quite a lot (liked him so didn't mind) the texting continued over christmas , then kind of dropped off a bit .
He text on new years eve and said we should meet asap to which i replied yes we should then he never asked so i text and said do you want to meet again ? (worded it like that so he had the chance to say actually no i don't want to ) he replied yes of course do you ? i replied i did and said when you free? he didn't reply that eve but in the morning , asking when i was free i replied but he's not replied yet (was this morning)
I'm wondering if it's me been totally paranoid or if he's gone off the idea with the decrease in messages i'm not sure what to think and i'm not used to all this crap so what do you ladies think?

OP posts:

Report

Redflagcatcher · 04/01/2013 01:20

Oh the text etiquette is a tricky one. Personally I don't worry about when someone replies. He sounds keen, I imagine now you've given him a date you're free he's off trying tot think of something original to do or take you! Don't text back again, he'll be back!!

Report

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2013 10:29

I think you should pick up the bloody phone and have an actual real-live conversation. Texting is no substitute for talking.

Report

flamingnorah · 04/01/2013 12:30

Thanks for the replies , we have spoken on the phone but it seems to be texts as we are both at work and stuff .
Think i will just leave it he knows when im free so if he doesn't bother to get in contact about it then he obviously doesn't want to meet , even though i've given him a few opportunaties to say he doesn't want to maybe he just daren't say and if that's case he's not for me as i want some one who can just say what they think !

OP posts:

Report

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2013 12:32

Move on... You're only dating the man and, if things have cooled inside a few months, their heart clearly isn't in it. Put it down to experience and get on with your life.

Report

flamingnorah · 04/01/2013 12:46

Yeah your right , he was the first fella i fancied dating as i seem to be picky these days haha!
But after been unhappy for a long time in my marriage , i suppose it's better to be this way , but it's a flaming minefield now this dating !!

OP posts:

Report

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2013 12:53

I think you've handled it pretty well actually :) There is nothing whatsoever wrong with being choosy.

Report

flamingnorah · 04/01/2013 13:05

Thanks well people have been trying to set me up all over the place but i don't see the point of dating for the sake of it , unless it's someone i really like i'm not doing it ! haha
I've only been single a year ,don't think i'm a lost cause just yet although this was the first guy i have dated .

OP posts:

Report

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2013 15:30

Don't totally dismiss dating for the sake of it. We all need a social life and to meet new people. Having said that, there's a lot of pressure on the whole date set-up which is completely artificial & loaded. As an adult woman we should be able to have something as simple as dinner or a drink with an adult man, enjoy it for what it is and think about them as a potential new friend without necessarily fast-forwarding it to 'sex'... 'long term relationship'... 'life partner'!!!! Doesn't always have to be someone you really like.

Report

janelikesjam · 04/01/2013 15:41

Agree its tricky. I think the best advice is to take it slow, enjoy it "lightly", not invest too much in it or be too trusting, be too intense (sexually or emotoinally) and see what happens ...!!

If you wait long enough people will show you who they are. Sometimes they show you straight away. If you are getting a feeling of being 'messed around' or are feeling emotional pain in the early stages, is not a good sign IME ...

As Cogito says, I think its a good policy to try and take it all lightly as new friend potential for the first few months at least.

Report

flamingnorah · 04/01/2013 23:40

well it turns out he messaged me back yesterday evening saying he could do the day i said and wondered why i'd not replied to his date suggestion!!
So yes probably best to pick up the phone and actually speak .
I've not dated before as i've been enjoying going out with my friends but had started to miss a bit of male company now , hence the dates.