Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Feeling let down and a bit lost

(7 Posts)
hackneyzoo Thu 03-Jan-13 21:08:26

My DF died two days ago, he was 87 and he had been ill for a few years. It was an expected and peaceful death and we had just spent a last family Christmas with him.
My DM died 5 years ago of cancer, she was only 60 and it all happened very quickly.
I have a half brother and sister (from my Dad's first marriage.) I am very close to my DSIS.
DF died when DB and DSis were away skiing together. DSis lives in Europe. They have flown back to Dad's house today. I have 3 young DCs and have had a sickness bug the last few days and am feeling rotten. I live 4 hours away from DF and I start a new job on Monday (it's taken me 18 months to get a full time permamant job since moving up here).
DB and DSIS are both 20ish years older than me and I am feeling a bit pushed out by them. They rang from Dad's house this evening and said that over the weekend they were going to try and clear out some of the furniture that no one will want. I don't see what the rush is, he's only been dead two days, we don't even have a date for a funeral yet. They want to got hrough everything and sort out who wants what etc. I understand they want to get moving, they both have high powered jobs, don't want to take time off and that spring a good time to sell a house. I just feel it is too quick.
I want to spend some time in theo house when we go down for the funeral, let my DCs and some of my Mum's friends take things as a keepsake or that might be practical to them. I don't just want to clear away a lifetime because it's convienient and I don't want to take time off work.
There are lots of my mothers things there (keep sakes, ornaments, art work) that may not be to thier taste, but I know certain things would mean things to certain people and I don't want them to clear it all without me being there.
I think Dsis is being railroaded by my brother (he can be materialistic and unsentimental.) I have told them how I feel and they are brushing me off a bit. I feel way to grotty to travel 300miles tomorrow with 3DC in tow to go through everything and I don't feel ready either. DH is working away for the next two days, so DC have to come. How can I get them to hold on? Should I try to push the start date of my new job back? (Its working with young people with EBD so I don't want to get off to an unstable start for them.) I feel like the past is over and it's all coming down to packing away two great and interesting lives into boxes.

Hesterton Thu 03-Jan-13 21:14:07

I think you need to call them - specifically your DS - and speak to them about how you feel.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hesterton Thu 03-Jan-13 21:15:14

And yes definitely speak to work. They should be understanding about a bereavement of such a close relative.

Hesterton Thu 03-Jan-13 21:15:59

Sorry, I meant to say 'again' in first post.

hackneyzoo Thu 03-Jan-13 21:19:17

Thanks for replying Hesterton. I will try and speak to my sister when she's not around DB, and tell her quite plainly how I'm feeling. I am surprised how she is acting TBH, I am sure my brother is taking over. I guess people grieve in different ways.

The unit I am starting workin is closed until Monday, but I shall be upfront when I go in, most people are understanding in this sort of situation I suppose.

4aminsomniac Fri 04-Jan-13 06:45:21

Absolutely if your father has just died work will give you time off!

It will help them if you can tell them when you expect to be in though.

Just tell your DB and DSIS that clearing the house can only be done by the 3 of you together, tell them you will be there on ? Sunday, and like you they will need to have time off work as their father had just died!

swallowedAfly Fri 04-Jan-13 07:34:40

yes - call work then call dsis and say you cannot be there until dh is back and can have the kids and then you will come and you will all do it together.

so sorry you're going through this! pressure doesn't have to mean giving in - try and be calm but assertive.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now