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Dumped, and in need of perspective

(51 Posts)
kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 18:22:31

I was dumped a month ago and it came from nowhere. We were really happy, and I did not see the signs. He has been unemployed for a while and a family member is very ill. He wants to be friends and I am gutted. This sounds trivial but my head has gone.

AppearingDignified Thu 03-Jan-13 18:24:27

Hugs to you. It is bloody miserable, but this too shall pass. Do you have friends around that you can see and take your mind off things?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 03-Jan-13 18:24:36

How long were you together?

kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 18:25:46

We were together a couple of years. I am trying to make plans and ignoring the 'let's go for a drink and talk' texts

SoleSource Thu 03-Jan-13 18:30:07

Friends or friends with benefits??

kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 18:31:19

Friends I imagine. I really did not see the signs on this one. He has form for disappearing when depressed for a few days

tzella Thu 03-Jan-13 18:31:56

Don't be friends with him until you've over him smile

SoleSource Thu 03-Jan-13 18:33:07

Do not sleep with him is my advice. For me petsonally I could never be friends with my exesso far..

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 03-Jan-13 18:43:58

Listen carefully.... 'friends' don't shit on other friends from a great height. He's either trying to kid himself that he's a good bloke really and there's no hard feelings... or... he thinks you're vulnerable, desperate and he can get a shag out of it. Either way, find other people to have a drink and a talk with. People who actually like you.

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 18:50:44

Although you may not believe it at the moment, you're better off without him.

If he cannot appreciate your finer points it's his loss, honey.

As nature abhors a vacuum, you'll soon find that any gap created by his absence will be filled with far more productive pursuits than hanging around waiting for some unreliable arse bloke to get his act together.

This man doesn't enhance your life. Ignore his texts/calls and get busy living life as it's meant to be lived - with verve and joy.

kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 18:53:19

Thanks all, yes the way he did it was pretty vile, then after a couple of weeks, is wanting to be 'great friends'. He has been very depressed recently and withdrawn which was very draining

AppearingDignified Thu 03-Jan-13 18:57:01

You're not married to him. You have your own (one) life. Get out there and live it and find a relationship that enhances your life.

<<Hands over a wine and sneaks off outside with the bottle for a very unfashionable cigarette>>

Might listen to my own advice one day ! grin

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 03-Jan-13 19:08:27

Another really good lesson to take forward into the rest of your life.... avoid 'depressed' men like the plague. Realise depression is a nasty medical condition that can strike anyone any time blah, blah, blah... but it can also be a very handy excuse for a selfish types that like messing people around and never taking responsibility for their behaviour.

kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 19:21:40

Thank you all, I just in the wallowing, gutted, wtf phase

bumhead Thu 03-Jan-13 20:33:07

Katie please listen to this lot, especially Izzy and Cog. They talk a lot of sense and I wish I'd had them and this place when I've had various break ups in the past.
You will be fine, I promise you this. And one day you will look back and thank fuck that this guy dumped you! It really is his loss.

kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 20:36:51

Yes, I am between thinking it will all be fixed and fabulous, and, what a spineless fucking baby who vanishes when things get a bit crappy. Which is better than I was a month ago

bumhead Thu 03-Jan-13 20:43:32

It takes time, one day at a time.
Before you know it a whole day will have past and you won't even think about the toss-bag and to be honest he doesn't deserve your thoughts any way.
Please don't try and be friends with this guy. He is not your friend. He is your ex. As someone else said, your friends wouldn't treat you this badly.

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 20:47:57

I'm with Cog. Living with a depressive pesonality is draaaiNING, which is why I'd never do it smile

A good old-fashioned wallow followed by that wine from AD, a box of Belgian chocs, and an uplifitng movie (I recommend Don Juan De Marco which paired the incomparable Marlon Brando with the divine Mr Depp) should see you in better spirits.

As for being 'gutted', that's for fish and you're best advised to throw the -self-aborbed-- tiddler out with th trash back and get baiting your hook for a catch that's worth having.

<takes own bottle and joins AD for crafty puff of a real fag>

kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 20:50:12

I just want to be there now. I feel very fucking foolish, and whiny.

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 20:51:10

Strike through fail coupled with spelling error <raps self over knuckles>

'throw the self-absorbed tiddler' - as in self-entitled, self-centred, and selfish bellend.

Life's far too short to waste it on plonkers, honey.

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 20:53:50

No pain, no gain. It's a learning curve; get through this one and you'll get through any more knobs that may come your way a helluva lot quicker. I've got it down to a matter of minutes grin

kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 20:54:05

Very fucking draining, I became his carer almost. I never got a 'how was your day', when I was stressed, I just got an update on how he was feeling

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 21:08:06

Am I the only one who can derive pleasure being lovelorn?

It's an opportunity to revel in the poignancy of shattered dreams and marvel at the bittersweet taste of unreciprocated love. What would poets and dramatists and novelists do without it?

Pay due heed to your fragile state and treat yourself gently. Eat comfort foods and have soft boiled eggs and soldiers for supper. Indulge yourself. and give thanks for brilliant timing - the sales are on! smile

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 21:11:25

You fraud, you! You're all but over him aleady grin You go, gal - karma'll sort him and you can save your pity for the next poor cah who gets your cast offs smile

kateissotired Thu 03-Jan-13 21:21:38

I am certainly better than I was, writing it down has helped. And I get to spend my money on me

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