Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Been together a year, never had sex

(135 Posts)
Insecure24 Thu 03-Jan-13 11:18:28

I'm a regular but have name changed though I think I'll still be recognised.

Background so as not to drip feed: I'm 24 and have been with my absolutely brilliant bf (32) for a year. We live together, he's my best friend, doting male role model to my toddler dd. I really can't speak more highly if him. The problem is me.

My daughter is 2.7. I had a horrendous birth including: 3a tear with failed stitching in theatre, MROP, PPH, rectocele, full restitch at 3months postnatal including rectocele repair. All aged 21. My dd's father left us when she was 2 weeks old and has seen her just 5 times in her life.

Since all these birth problems I have been absolutely phobic of sex. It literally terrifies me. I have tried it three times before I met my bf just to "get on with it" but each time the bloke was so rough I bled. My fear is of re tearing.

I had my restitch privately by a fab surgeon and have been checked umpteen times by her, colleagues, GPs, women's physio, and just for an Mot a sexual health doctor who have all insisted I'm anatomically fine. It's in my head hmm

I've been to a psychosexual counsellor, tried dilators, massage I just can't process the thought of full intercourse.

My boyfriend is amazing. He doesn't push me or probe me at all. We regularly do everything else including oral and fingers which I love it's the thought of intercourse that I fear.

Due to my PPh at birth I had subsequent period problems too so have both a coil and the pill together .

I really want to get on with it. We love each other like crazy and I'm so grateful for him putting up with me. I'm just scared. Please help.

God that was long,

Insecure24 Sun 24-Feb-13 07:16:06

A side issue: due to problems with my cycle after dd was born, I was advised to have the mirena and the pill together. I've had both now for 2.5years and really want to get rid of one.

I'm on my pill break atm and should start a new pack tomorrow. Or should I just not? Or should I keep taking it and have the coil removed? Which is less likely to fuck me up again?! GP is useless

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 12:48:46

I can only speak personally, but the Pill made me dry and wrecked my libido

Neither of those things are going to help ATM (or in fact, ever). I would stop the pill, if you are getting no side effects from the Mirena

Insecure24 Sun 24-Feb-13 17:08:18

I DID IT!!!!!!!

Bf's mum has taken dd to the farm so we had a lovely pub lunch and afternoon at home to get jiggy grin tmi but we spent a good hour of foreplay before he entered me. He didn't finish coz I started to feel a bit sore but ummm 3mins in me! grin

BertieBotts Sun 24-Feb-13 17:09:11

Woohoo! smile What an amazing feeling - well done you!

BertieBotts Sun 24-Feb-13 17:09:41

PS I promise once you're over the first bit it jut gets easier and easier. Just take it slowly!

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 17:15:14


KeepCalm27 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:29:53

That is such incredible news! Congrats and well done!

I will try to use it to give hope to my situation and helps it helps others too smile

Insecure24 Mon 25-Feb-13 18:04:49

gringringrin it was no mean earth shattering, purely mechanical I'd say! And he didn't finish but sod it I had a willy in me!

lisamason Fri 01-Mar-13 17:15:59

i am preganant smile smile after months of not being able to do "it" I decided to go get vagiwave and "did it" and now am going to be a mummy yeaaaaaay

lisamason Mon 20-Oct-14 13:21:28

I really need to shout about something that helped me so much because one lady said she was scared about anything that sounds mechanical even though she has had no sex. Well I was like her until I used vagi wave, it is nothing like dilators which are useless, this worked while I was asleep, so please rethink the way that you tackle vaginismus. Yes I was bricking it but in the end went for this product and now have a baby, to me emotional journey but having succeeded felt I owe to other ladies to tell them never give up and go for the vagi wave.xxxx

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: