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Hope on a Rope - J and J needs some support please.

(191 Posts)
lazarusb Wed 02-Jan-13 18:38:32

Hello everyone. J and J has PMed me and asked me to start this thread for her. She is going to try and check in soon. Unfortunately her dh is ill again, I don't know details but she appreciates all messages and support we can give her again. She is so grateful for all the support she received last year and is sorry she didn't make it back onto the thread before it filled up.

So, hope to see all your friendly faces back on here again soon!

lazarusb Wed 06-Mar-13 18:54:11

smile Thanks for that - I was just coming back to apologise for my miserable, moany post! I know plenty of people have more problems than me and my degree is not the be all & and all! But thanks for your support - it is appreciated thanks

dondon33 Wed 06-Mar-13 19:04:53

We're all allowed a moany post now and again ;)
It doesn't matter what we moan about - it's important to us.
Have this wine relax and chill out for 30 mins then get back to your studying smile x

Homebird8 Fri 08-Mar-13 05:53:06

I was just about to say that Dondon. You can have a moan whenever you need to Lazarus. If it's important to you then that's ok by us.

I'm not getting on MN much at the moment. My new work venture is finally underway and I'm loving every moment. Even DH is applying for jobs and has had a successful phone interview for a role he'd really like yesterday. I say successful because they got straight back to him today to set up a face to face interview for Monday. They aren't waiting around are they?

I hope things are going as well for J&J's DH in planning his future!

Don't beat yourself up Lazarus about grades. It's hard balancing the time for everything and you can only do what you can do. I'm sending you some concentration in a little long life package for you to open whenever you need it. I did my PhD a couple of decades ago now and remember how hard it was to study around everything else. I wouldn't fancy that sort of pressure again. Have a wine

As for your endeavours Dondon, I don't think I should send you concentration so I'm packaging up relaxation and gentleness for your current project. Be kind to yourself! Here's some thanks

lazarusb Fri 08-Mar-13 09:42:54

Thank you both thanks You are so sweet!

Things have improved a bit - 2 essays down, 2 to go! My dissertation was hanging in the balance as I was 2 marks below the threshold, however, despite the Director of Learning Studies offering to come into bat for me (unprompted!), they have decided that my record speaks for itself and I can do my dissertation as planned grin It's in an area that I'm passionate about (vulnerable people & dignity) with a twist on how devolution might affect that. I've been planning it for a year and had an influential supervisor in place since November so I would have been devastated if they'd said no.

Grades annoy me because I am in the minority of students (apparently) that still attend seminars & do the work necessary to contribute in them and still do assignments. A lot of them seem to either not attend or not do the reading but end up with better grades by virtue of the extra time they have hmm

Homebird Best wishes for your dh on Monday - I will keep my fingers crossed for him. I will take that wine and raise a glass to all on this thread, past and present, that all is peaceful in our/their lives.

dondon Hope all is well with you at the moment and you are on track with your new project.

dondon33 Fri 08-Mar-13 19:14:15

Go on then, I'll have a wine or 3 I'm allowed, I'm pre - ovulation smile
Clink-clink - cheers to all x

I'm all prepared, I found a site here to order cheap ovu test kits - they cost a small fortune to buy in the pharmacy here, last time cost roughly £7 for just 5 shock !!
I pretty much know 'when' anyway but sooo not the point.
Time to get cracking soon blush , I'm knackered already just thinking about it smile
Although I very nearly put myself out of action today......the bloody snow is back here sad angry and I done a bit of a bambi- on- ice impression while leaving the subway on my way home from work surprised my hips didn't snap how far apart my legs went smile

Homebird Glad you're loving the new work stuff and best of luck to your DH, will keep fingers crossed for him.

Oh Lazarus that would be hugely annoying to me too, sounds like you're doing your best though, keep it up, it'll all pay off in the end. The dissertation sounds really interesting btw, best of luck with it.

Hoping all's well for J and J and anyone lurking too, take care all and have a good weekend.

lazarusb Sat 09-Mar-13 10:54:18

Hope you are all right dondon. I bought ovulation tests when we were trying for dd....I became a bit obsessed tbh! I always knew when I was ovulating anyway so not entirely sure why I bothered but somehow it made me feel better! Best of luck for this month! smile

The area I'm focusing is very poorly addressed by the law, dignity has more or less been considered via case law (even in the European court) than statute. Some English judges have a very strange idea what dignity constitutes at times though...I'm quite looking forward to criticising them!

dondon33 Sat 09-Mar-13 12:36:15

I am good Lazarus thanks. I'm not becoming obsessed yet I find them more a p.i.t.a, I spend testing week constantly needing a wee smile

I'm pretty confident that I know when I ov through natural signs but as I'm not an 'every 28 day' gal I thought it best to use the tests to make sure, I continue until the test goes negative and it signals it's happened - although it's still not concrete and only doing temps would prove that (but I don't want nor need to do that at this point) It will also help if nothing happens for a while and we need to return to the GP.

I'm hopeful for this month, after only 1 try at calculated trying - Dp was rather hmm that it was NO!! smile bless him! However, he's now decided, with a little prod from me, that he's not bothered about Dr Shettles any more and would like to revert to the old 'you get what you're bloody well given' method of baby sex selection smile It dawned on him that due to timing it correctly, it could take a lot longer to get pregnant.
I've also collected the baby dust given by my 5 ttc friends over on the conception boards, yes 5!!!! who are already pregnant in march smile smile

There's so much within the boundaries of Dignity that both touch and rile me (the law parts) I agree England is utter pants with this one, on so many levels and would do well to remember that dignity is a basic part of our human rights, rather than just an attachment to.
It's mind boggling that ECHR/ HRA brought in forced the laws of dignity back in 1998 and we're still so far behind in so much of it (Judges in the UK?)
I remember (many moons ago) touching this subject and reading that the difficulty we (still) have with defining dignity goes back to the 1950's ECHR - it wasn't fully and clearly expressed and therefore absent from the Human Rights Act confused
There is 'some' positive forward movement but not enough in my humble opinion.

> Right! dondon stay away from the soapbox and go have a coffee/do some ironing smile

lazarusb Sat 09-Mar-13 12:56:39

So good to find a like-minded soul! My dissertation supervisor is very vocal in this area too smile There is no clear definition which is applicable to all. I'd like to think the law is moving in the right direction, albeit slowly. Maybe I'll be in a position to help it firm up a bit more one day.

I was never regular either which is why I did the sticks & temps. Strangely enough, the only time I've been naturally regular has been since dh's vasectomy last summer and I've had non-painful,symptomless, 2 day periods shock I wonder if I'm peri-menopausal but seeing as they are easy to deal with, I'm not too worried either way at the moment!

dondon33 Sat 09-Mar-13 13:14:10

Maybe I'll be in a position to help it firm up a bit more one day

Hurrah!!! I truly hope so Lazarus

Hmm, that is strange isn't it but on the plus side, at least you don't have much of an inconvenience each month and the fact your DH has had a vasectomy means you obviously don't want more DC- so yeah, in your position, I wouldn't worry neither smile

lazarusb Sat 09-Mar-13 15:34:18

Physically I couldn't carry another baby well, practically it would be very much a problem. I am very happy with the 3 I've got...ds1 is 23 now so the next baby in my vicinity could actually be a Grandchild!! I'm much happier getting older not on the Pill too smile

dondon33 Sat 09-Mar-13 17:31:53

Ooo!! a Grandchild ;) smile technically I'm old enough too shock

I love not taking the pill - I don't like any hormones in my body, I can only take the mini pill anyway and absolutely nothing with oestrogen (due to focal migraine/mini stroke type symptoms) so I'm quite limited.

I'm a little worried about the carrying part of pregnancy - I've got a damaged spine L3 and L4 area's, it's mostly my disc's affected but I've been assured by (what feels like a million) Dr's and specialists that pregnancy won't make it deteriorate, they can't promise me what the pain will be like in late preg
nor if I'll be able to maintain mobility but it won't damage me. I can't have epidural for births but I don't want it anyway as that's what caused the
problem with Ds1 (can't prove it but my consultant is fairly sure as the
damage is exactly the places they tried to put epi twice while I was in
labour hmm) he has also done a study about the disadvantages/risks of giving epi's to children (under 18's) apparently there's a huge amount of young girls (like myself, I'd just turned 17) who have varying degree's of damage.
He's unsure what can be done though - it's not like it can be refused
as a form of pain relief if someone asked for it - enforced torture because of age.... court of Human Rights would have a field day with that one smile

lazarusb Sun 10-Mar-13 13:39:20

That's a coincidence - I can only take the mini-pill because of migraines. Unfortunately it did terrible things to me - 8 day heavy periods, a week break then another 8 days. My GP told me I'd have to live with it hmm so, in the end I came off the pill altogether and told dh he'd have to sort something else out grin I'm 41 anyway, it was time for a break!

I also have Osteoarthritis in my lower spine which has been difficult to deal with at times, discs, numb legs, muscle spasms...I can live without them getting any worse!

Ds1's partner is in the first year of her PhD so I think it will be a few years before they start having planned dcs anyway!

You might have to hang on a bit before I can represent you in the ECHR on torture grounds though...grin

dondon33 Sun 10-Mar-13 14:29:05

Hormones have a lot to answer for, especially synthetic ones. I didn't have too much of a problem with the mini pill with periods, a little erratic but it was more the mood swings that made me stop it - it made me crazy, snappy, moody, weepy, totally over emotional - I had to get off it and felt so much better within a few weeks. My ex had the snip as I was too young to be steralised when I asked for it.

Back problems and all the pain related is so tiring isn't it?, even just standing up/sitting down on a bad day feels like a marathon. I'm immune to the daily twinges/pain now - it's always there but only puts me out of action if the discs flare/bulge then they in turn aggravate my sciatic nerve and that's when the hell startsangry Luckily it's not often so I can live with that. Not that I have much choice in the matter - My consultant has told me he'll willingly send me to each and every Surgeon in the country - there's not one that would risk operating on me because of the risk involved - I'm mobile, have good movement and can manage my pain = not worth risking paralysis. I agree.

I don't blame the NHS for what happened, it was 18 years ago and I have to believe they weren't aware of what 'could' happen, certainly no studies had been conducted - I requested an epi, fully aware of the health risks involved (what I was told at that time) and they carried out my request - can't argue with that really.
I just hope that they start to make people 100% aware, especially very young women whose spines are not fully developed,of the risks involved with it.
What I feel most angry about is not only did I sit there while the anaesthetist pierced my spine multiple times trying to get it in the space and of course, I've had to deal with the after effects for all this time after but IT DIDN'T even BLOODY WORK!! shock I can laugh at the irony now, I've learned to, no point crying over spilled milk smile

lazarusb Sun 10-Mar-13 16:49:54

...This is bizarre - I am in exactly the same boat re:discs and pain. Not bad enough for risky surgery but bad enough to have a serious effect on my day to day life when it flares up. Looks like if when I get a Training Contract I will be travelling to London to work every day so that could be fun hmm

I also had an epidural that didn't work when I 18...I've never tried to even look for a connection but you've made me think. I found it so traumatic I stuck to gas & air with the other 2! Like you say, once it's happened you have to deal with it really, hard as that can be. It doesn't really qualify as negligence either - we asked for it, the evidence wasn't available at that point in time...mind you, repeatedly jabbing at a spine doesn't sound like a good idea!

I hope your next pregnancy goes well and you won't find mobility too much of a problem smile I will send you positive back related vibes.

dondon33 Sun 10-Mar-13 19:54:44

It is bizarre!
The travelling certainly doesn't sound like fun sad We travel a lot by car and long distance like the whole of Europe and honestly I'm like a worm, I literally can't sit still for longer than 20/30 mins, I get so much pain and numbness. I can't stand still for that matter - Dp laughs at me because he says I'm always dancing smile You know when you've just had a baby and you do that rocking back and forth thing whilst on your feet - to compensate for the loss of weight upfront? I do it all the time, I'm defo not dancing smile smile

Hmm epidural at a young age could of struck again - your condition can be caused by injury or trauma so it's a possibility as that's what a bad epi does = cause trauma in the epidural space.
I also didn't have another with ds2 and 3 not because I knew what it had done, at the time of having both ds2 and 3 I wasn't in as much pain and hadn't had MRI's etc, I chose not to for the fact that it didn't work the first time and how much it hurt when they tried to insert the bloody thing.

Yeah agreed they're not negligent - I insisted I wanted it and was warned about all the side effects that they knew about. My Mum was going mental at the time, she'd had one a few times, and was asking WTH they were doing as each attempt he made in the two different Lumbar area's he had to use all clean equipment (the needles and catheter etc..) so she knew something wasn't right. I personally don't think it went where it should have or else it would have worked to some degree.

I'm ready for it to hurt in pregnancy - I always carry huge and have big pet elephant whoppers for babies but I'll survive smile it's not forever and worth it.
I appreciate your vibes smile

lazarusb Mon 11-Mar-13 13:42:29

I know how you feel - I have a 2hour seminar once a week and it's impossible to keep still. The chairs are comfy (for everyone else with their young, strong backs envy), but I'd rather have a hard, high backed chair!

Car journeys are a nightmare and driving long distances a complete no-no.

We have snow again in East Sussex! Maybe a day off tomorrow I think...can't see the trains running in this smile

dondon33 Mon 11-Mar-13 15:50:35

Same here - snowing AGAIN!! sad but apparently the end is near - Spring officially on it's way from Friday in Poland smile

lazarusb Fri 15-Mar-13 13:51:12

Sorry, been chocka for the last few days but it feels like there's a glint of light at the end of the tunnel (hope it's not a train!).

Snow has gone here but we were housebound for a day. I couldn't get to Uni so did a bit of study and fell asleep while dh and the dcs amused themselves smile Felt like I'd had a holiday when I woke up! Still very cold here and wet, I can't wait to feel some warmth from the sun, I really dislike winter, especially when it drags on so long!

Hope everyone is well, have a nice weekend.

foolonthehill Fri 15-Mar-13 13:57:54

thanks for cheer us up

dondon33 Fri 15-Mar-13 15:30:45

Hi all,

Brrr sounds awful Lazarus (the housebound part didn't though) smile glad it's starting to clear.
Here - apparently from Sunday - it's the end of winter and it's horrid weather smile smile I hope so, but then as it gets closer to summer I'll start whinging again....I love a hot 2 week blast of scorching sunshine but can't manage 3 months in 30+ degree heat, with no air con :@ I'll surely melt.
My favourite months here are april/may and sept/oct.

Thanks fool hope you're well x

Have a great weekend everyone x

AutumnDreams Fri 15-Mar-13 15:43:49

Much love and warm wishes to you all. So cold here again. This winter has seemed interminable. We keep getting glimpses of spring, then back to snow, rain and gloom. My poor bloody daffs don`t know if they`re coming or going......and neither do I!

dondon33 Fri 15-Mar-13 18:04:30

Hi Autumn - that weather sounds as bad as where I am, except the flowers here, have so far, thought better of poking their heads above ground yet. I'm sure it won't be long though. We've got - 13 overnight then -1 tomorrow then after that were going + smile
Hope your Daffs recover soon x

Homebird8 Fri 15-Mar-13 20:56:17

I almost feel embarrassed to chip in. The summer here has been amazing. We haven't had rain since Christmas and daily temperatures are a sunny and comfortable 26ish. Even at night it's only 15ish. Not so good for the dairy farmers who have run out of feed and the grass is brown.

DS1 had a wonderful time on his school camp this week and has come back with all his clothes that wonderful dust colour you get when the ground is cracked and dry. Bring on the rain and the dust will turn to mud just in time for hock season which the boys have trials for tomorrow.

We're also unexpectedly deep into opera here too. Both boys have been persuaded not by me I might add to audition for the NZ Opera. Big one for a singing part in Noah's Fludde. And little one to be Sorrow in Madame Butterfly. I'm not even very keen on opera! I've a feeling I may be watching the first performance, if they get the parts, and then MumsNetting in the dressing rooms for the rest.

Other news on the home front. DH got his job and starts on Monday. Now, can any of you have the children after school for me? Flights could be a little issue I fear.

Best wishes for all your endeavours lovely ladies and hope the thaw starts soon. thanks

lazarusb Fri 15-Mar-13 22:45:31

Oh Homebird, that sounds blissful..So glad for your dh, I'll happily do the school run for you (if only)! Good luck for your boys too, what amazing talent they must have. Sorry to be dim but what is hock season? Fingers crossed for that too smile

dondon I shouldn't moan really, it could be a lot worse. I think it's my French ancestral blood yearning for the Mediterranean sunshine!

fool and Autumn, lovely to see you both again. I hope things have settled down for you a bit fool. Autumn, I hope you are ok too.

Nearly Easter!

Homebird8 Sat 16-Mar-13 03:09:37

Thanks for the offer Lazarus. If you're ever passing then feel free to pick the boys up and transport them to as many activities as you can stand! Bloomin' spelling thingy. It should have said 'hockey'!

Good to see you both too Fool and Autumn. That's the thing with MN, you never know who's lurking. Hope more than the temperature is 'going positive' for you Dondon. Don't forget, 'we know what you're doing!' grin

I'll poke some thanks up for all of us. And send a bit of summer warmth your ways. smile

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