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Big row - perspective required

(86 Posts)
NewYearWoes Tue 01-Jan-13 12:51:28

DH and I had a big row last and I'm trying to figure it all out.

Friends round, iPod was on and good friend of ours said to my DH "oi Jim your music is shit". This is an absolutely standard exchange between the two of them and something of a running joke.

DH got in a strop, grabbed his iPod and retreated to kitchen with a mate where he proceeded to bitch about situ whilst rest of us were left without music on having just been dancing. Bit awkward. Friend realised DH was pissed off with her, words exchanged and she left.

I'm furious that DH ruined a lovely evening that I (and the friend concerned) had put loads of effort into. When I said same to DH he complained that she had ruined the play list he'd created. Cue angry exchange between us about him being precious about playlist and valuing that above a what had been a lovely evening with friends and him saying I was BU to not stand up for him confused

Neither of us speaking today. Happy fucking NY!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 01-Jan-13 17:11:32

Sounds to me like this 'running joke' finally wore thin.

You said that he started it.

I disagree. You friend started it. She might not have meant to. But it's clear that he was really upset by her remark.

Viviennemary Tue 01-Jan-13 17:13:00

I wouldn't make too much of it even if he was in the wrong. NYE is traditional for rows and hurt feelings and strops.

EverybodysSnowyEyed Tue 01-Jan-13 17:13:14

In that case he was being a twat

And does he really need his wife to stand up for him and fight his perceived battle? I guess you could have diffused the situation by saying "he has to have shit music to go with my shit dancing". You were under no obligation to and all of your guests probably think he's a twat too. I bet he doesn't like the idea of that

Lueji Tue 01-Jan-13 17:14:03

Maybe you need to ask him about it?
It doesn't seem such innocent play if he got that upset?

Sometimes we play along although we actually feel a bit hurt?

But you need to be talking to him.
And he needs to understand too that he should have had a more mature reaction.

NewYearWoes Tue 01-Jan-13 17:15:44

Shipwrecked - I meant the row between me and him. I didn't start that. But he was determined to see my not instantly jumping to his defence as some sort of slight and a reason to have a go at me.

I just wanted to smooth things over and continue having a good time

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 01-Jan-13 17:16:45

All this argy bargy over "playlists" doesn't sound like the behaviour of mature adults

Op, it's interesting you have picked up on only my "this is all very silly" response

aPirateInaPearTree Tue 01-Jan-13 17:17:46

but urely she only 'started' something that was a long running joke between them, esp as op says they have very similar taste, how was she to know he was being a miserable drunk. OR did she sense that he was being a misery and provoke him slightly knowingly, as op has said he had pissed her (op) off with the dancing comment?

anyway, your dh is being a nobber, reacting so ridiculously, in the given situation of a party, and then refusing to let you have some music. what a twat.

aPirateInaPearTree Tue 01-Jan-13 17:18:15

'surely' i meant. not urely.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 01-Jan-13 17:19:45


Sorry, misread

that'll teach me to skim read whilst watching telly

NewYearWoes Tue 01-Jan-13 17:27:43

AF I have picked up on yours as it was the last one before I reposted and appeared to be unnecessarily combatitive and dismissive as opposed to a genuine "this is silly why not move on" the likes of which some others posted.

If there were other similarly derogatory comments regarding maturity levels then I missed them.

NewYearWoes Tue 01-Jan-13 17:29:52

apirate I don't think the friend picked up on the dancing comment - it was done quite privately as a "you're being ridiculous thing" rather than an open group joke IYKWIM

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 01-Jan-13 17:46:04

If you had had a comment said to you that upset you, you would also be pissed off that your DP didn't defend you.

Strangely enough if the genders where reversed on this the DP would still be in the wrong.

EverybodysSnowyEyed Tue 01-Jan-13 17:49:14

A shitty comment was made to the op - by her dh. She didn't have a strop and effectively ended the party.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 01-Jan-13 17:55:36

Tbh,, if shitty comments are ever made to me, I am completely able to stand up for myself as a grown adult

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 01-Jan-13 17:58:51


yes, but a shitty comment was made to the DH, who when voiced this was (as far as I can see) told to get over it.

JustAHolyFool Tue 01-Jan-13 17:59:25

I would never expect my partner to defend me in a row that had nothing to do with me.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 01-Jan-13 17:59:35


I suspect that you would espect your partner to back you up.

JustAHolyFool Tue 01-Jan-13 18:01:14

BoneyBackJefferson to be fair, I do think he could have just got over it.

Friend: your music is shite.
Husband: that's not a very nice thing to say.

That's really all that needed to happen. The husband is being a bit of a baby, but then I couldn't be arsed sulking with each other all day. My partner and I argue all the time, but I don't think we've ever sulked for longer than about 5 minutes without getting bored.

babyhammock Tue 01-Jan-13 18:05:09

'D'H made comments to OP designed probably to make her feel self conscious about her dancing = not very nice

He then went on to react completely over the top about a running joke between friends.

Sounds like he was in a strop already and just looking for an excuse to go off on one. What a twat.

In your shoes I wouldn't feel like just putting it all behind me either. I reckon he was pissed off about something (you enjoying yourself too much?) and decided to punish you for it.

babyhammock Tue 01-Jan-13 18:06:57

Sorry I meant to ask... does he do this kind of thing a lot?

bamboostalks Tue 01-Jan-13 18:07:02

How embarrassing for you. I'd be livid. Your friend won't forget that in a hurry. Did her dh leave too? Has se contacted you today?

aufaniae Tue 01-Jan-13 18:15:00

YANBU. Your partner behaved like a spoilt child.

In the light of day (and sobriety!) he needs to admit he got it wrong and make amends.

piprabbit Tue 01-Jan-13 18:15:14

As you and your DH were hosting the party at your house, and as the comment made by the friend refers to a running joke, your DH should have been the bigger person, acted like a good host and either ignored the comment, told her jokingly "my house, my music" or pulled himself together after a very short tantrum.

TBH he sounds like he is being an arse, and I have no idea why he is taking it out on you.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 01-Jan-13 18:15:47


If it was once then yes, maybe he should have gotten over it, but it sounds like this is a joke at the DPs expense, just because the OP sees it as "their thing" doesn't mean that the DP does.

A reaction like this should be discussed, and not in a "you destroyed my party" type of way.

EverybodysSnowyEyed Tue 01-Jan-13 18:17:39

It sounds like a mutual joke and the dh has made the same comment to the friend in the past (not sure f at her house at her party though)

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