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Out with the old - supportive MN kick requested!

(35 Posts)
MuthaHubbard Tue 01-Jan-13 09:47:31

Infrequent poster, mainly lurker.

Well I saw the new year in by telling my bf to move out (again) even though he's only been 'staying' whilst he looks for something else. Tis a long story and has been brewing for a while but just need to get some things off my chest and confirm that I'm not bonkers in not being happy with certain things -

*told me he loved me within a month
*early days when we'd be in bed he'd talk about one of his exes and acts surprised when i tell him several times it's not on
*first weekend away together he got a phone call from another ex and not once did he say he was in a hotel room with his gf and could he ring back
*gambler and in debt but can't stop - will occasionally cut down but when stressed etc will go on a 'bender'. refused help - done it all before!
*sarky comments/jokes/little jibes which i've told him i don't find funny. he sometimes speaks to me like crap and when i call him on it, can't see a problem
*critisim about most things - 'why are you doing that/why is this like that/how come this isn't done this way' - this can include things like buttering bread!
*never takes the blame for any crap things that happen (ie when he's gambled large amounts), and will say occasionally that it would be better if he was terminally ill?!
*was in a houseshare and when his housemate moved his pregnant gf in in Feb, was told he'd need to move out by Oct/Nov. Doesn't look for anywhere else, then decides beg Sept to move out and has nowhere to surprised when I don't automatically let him move in - in fact is very miffed when I say I'm not ready to move in with him at all but he can stay a few nights till sorted. Was here for a few weeks then I kicked him out - but over Xmas wormed his way in again.
*jealous of me being out with friends - on one night we were out together with my friends, one of the girls was v drunk and kept hugging me and telling me she loves me - he calls me a lesbian!!
*when we have words, always brings it round to him - I've been full of flu so when i've started coughing, have gotten out of bed so as not to disturb him. Will ask me why I'm 'sneaking around' and when I say why I'm up and am feeling crap, he'll say well how do i feel with all your coughing, I've told you to do xyz, haven't had a decent nights sleep in ages etc etc.
*i'm a quiet person who's happy in my own company - if i don't speak to him for a while due to watching film etc, he will ask me whats wrong, why am I in a mood, over and over and when I say nothing doesn't believe me. And if me/kids are having a quiet day doing our own thing - will say he feels unwanted and like a leper?!
*had a full blown arguement with me regarding the fact that my dd (10) hadn't flushed the loo (loo slow to fill and she probably forgot). took exception when i told him to fuck off, more important things to worry about as a single parent and i wouldn't have him slagging my kids off. and again this week I told him not to argue with her over things (he can never just talk) and yet later in the day was having a stand up 'discussion' with her about germs - hard to describe but his tone and constant loud 'i am right, listen to me' over and over I absolutely hate and can't bear the way he does this to a ten yr old
*has an harassment order against him by exgirlfriend (yes I know!) yet on the anniversary of his dads death (when I'm sat at work hoping he's ok) he goes to visit her to 'put a line under things'?
*found out much later that he had affairs when married, and then cheated on above exgirlfriend with his exwife when exwife wanted another child.........

Other stuff but don't want to bore anyone further.

Jeez, not expecting any replies - think I just wanted to see it all written down!! I know I'm not a fuckwit and am not afraid of being alone etc and if this was someone else on here I'd tell them to LTB! My ds (17) is right in wanting to know why I'm with such a loser who is a gambler and has no where to live at his age.

pictish Tue 01-Jan-13 12:36:51

He wanted to absorb you more likely.

Put his stuff in black bags, knot them up, and put them outside the front door.


Your belongings are in bags outside the front door. Collect them by xx or they will go to the bin. No need to reply.

pictish Tue 01-Jan-13 12:45:23

My point is...don't let him decide if and when he's going to put in an dictate.

Put his stuff out and have him collect it right away. His stuff is no longer your problem...and you don't want to hang on to anything that might give him a reason to come back. Dyswim?

Pack up the lot and put it out.

MuthaHubbard Tue 01-Jan-13 12:51:56

You're right and I see what you mean - I shall be telling him when he can pick up his things and not other way round as no longer my problem.

Plus if he doesn't collect his tv then am sure someone else will collect it from the front garden!

pictish Tue 01-Jan-13 12:53:03

Yep. That's the idea.

swallowedAfly Tue 01-Jan-13 13:07:59

ds's father was like this - brief relationship, clearly trying to move into my home and my soul it seemed within very short space of time and throwing in the emotional blackmail about me being closed, not letting him in etc because i had some basic, normal, healthy boundaries.

when i found out i was pregnant he was over the moon sure that that meant i now had to let him move into my home and tap into my jugular for his life's sustenance. once he accepted that wasn't happening he chose to have nothing to do with the pregnancy and has never met ds. he went on to find the next home owning child bearing age woman, got her pregnant and moved into her house and this one was daft enough to marry him.

you are well rid. someone desperate enough will take him. these kind of men are incapable of being full, adult human beings - they need someone's life to feed off of because they can't feed themselves itms. you were briefly sucked in but you got out. breathe a huge sigh of relief and move on.

swallowedAfly Tue 01-Jan-13 13:10:23

i think tossers like this have a special penchant for single mum's btw because they're like cuckoos really - trying to find a ready made nest that they can wedge their needy arses into.

now or tonight or whenever pour yourself a nice glass of wine and toast to your freedom and independence and thank the universe you're not desperate or needy enough to put up with this twat.

swallowedAfly Tue 01-Jan-13 13:12:09

sorry LOTS of swearing from me grin seriously though do a big woo hoo dance that you're not the one to get stuck with him.

onwards and upwards.

MuthaHubbard Tue 01-Jan-13 13:14:35

thanks swallowed (sounds like you are well rid too, well done) - wine in fridge ready for later!!

swallowedAfly Tue 01-Jan-13 13:17:39

good! and yes i was well rid! very thankful for my son though smile

freeandhappy Tue 01-Jan-13 13:35:29

"A ready made nest that they can wedge their needy arses into". Brilliant swallowed. Gave me my first big laugh of 2013! I'll remember that.

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