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so sick of my perfect husband

(28 Posts)
sonlyme Mon 31-Dec-12 13:12:54

My husband works full time and earns fairly good money. He's never off sick, is a fantastic dad who's always there for our kids. He's tidy,never raises his voice,can do anything around the house(diy),doesn't drink much,doesn't smoke,is generous without being stupid with money, brings me flowers and tells me he loves me.

ON THE OTHER HAND...! He doesn't talk to me. Ever. About anything. He has no friends. He criticizes me constantly. He can't seem to speak without saying something subtly nasty. For example, just said I'd like to do another academic course (I have a few and enjoy learning). His response is to shake his head, roll his eyes (which he does a lot) and tell me not to be stupid as I clearly can't cope with what I have on my plate already! WTF? I work P/T and run a small business which I feel I do successfully.

Over the holidays I have dared to have a long lie (around 9am ish). The kids are old enough to entertain themselves for a bit so don't feel it's a big deal. He doesn't do long lies and shakes his head and tuts at me for doing so. He says I'm lazy (even though I do ALL the cooking and most of the housework). He never compliments me on anything or tell me I look nice.

I feel so fed up with him but the kids adore him and I feel like I don't have a valid reason to split (being single doesn't scare me at all but upsetting the kids does).

Do you think I just don't appreciate all the good things he does and am being ungrateful?

racingheart Mon 31-Dec-12 15:50:12

Tell him. He might not even know he's being so hostile. People can get into a rut or bad habit of behaviour and be unaware of how it affects others, especially if it was a normal way to react when he was younger.
Have an adult conversation with him. Ask why he thinks you aren't coping and say why you think you are. Ask why he tuts at the occasional lie in. Don't get into the trap of behaving like the petulant child in the relationship: he doesn't let me...
He works hard for your family, he adores your children, he tells you he loves you. Things worth holding onto. If he really does love you, he needs to listen to how his behaviour affects you and be more supportive of your plans.
Are you supportive of his plans and dreams? Might he be jealous of you doing academic courses while he's out at work all day and DIY-ing at home. Does he need you to tell him to lighten up and relax more himself?

ElectricSheep Tue 01-Jan-13 01:52:51

OP, this is classic emotional abuse - and yes we all started by adoring each other. Until we experienced the real bastard person under the facade.

You need to educate yourself pronto about EA. Try the Lundy Bancroft book 'Why Does He Do That?' - I promise it'll be an eye opener and you'll realise it's not you it's him.

Couple counselling is definitely not recommended with ea partners (they use it to abuse you further and often manipulate the counsellor to make it worse, who are surprisingly quite often completely untrained in EA).

Counsellng on your own will be very good for clearing your thoughts and deciding on what to do for the future.

Try to relax and get as much time away from him as possible in the meantime.

ThreeBoostsOneGalaxy Tue 01-Jan-13 02:01:37

My DH is a bit like this except without the EA / criticism side of things. Annoying in its own way (he's a fucking saint and sometimes it gets on my nerves) but a very different picture from the one you are painting.

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