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Bloody well done

(17 Posts)
Datingagain Mon 31-Dec-12 11:22:36

Just that really. To all of you (us) who decided that 2012 was - or 2013 will be - the year to cut out the dead wood and move on.

Yes, leaving a relationship is hard. But staying with someone who treats you like shit and makes you feel like shit, is never the way forward.

I don't often post, but am on here all the time. Personally, I have been having my own, major-league wobble this Christmas, about my decision more than 12 months ago, to leave my lying, cheating Ex. It's a tough time of year.

Even when he shat on me - yet again - this year - by introducing our 3 yr old DS to his new GF on Christmas Day, without mentioning it to me - I was still wondering if I had done the right thing.

However, coming on here and seeing how everyone else is doing - Choco, Skyblue, Lou, and just now Stuffit (GO girl!) has made me realise I did make the right decision and has given me the kick up the arse that I needed. It is bloody hard. But at least we are all moving forward and not stagnating anymore.

Yes, being single (well, have been dating, but it's not really working) is hard. And I desperately miss the person I thought ExDP was and the life I thought we would have. But that is an illusion. He is not - and never will be - the man I thought he was. And staying, and hoping that he would turn into him, was destroying me.

There seem to be so many lovely sounding women, being treated badly by men - but really it is only BECAUSE WE LET THEM.

So, those of us that can, let's make 2013 the year to stamp out any cocklodging behaviour in our lives. There really are some lovely guys in the world too - we mustn't, mustn't put up with the arseholes - it just enables them, and makes them think that they can treat all women badly.

People make mistakes, and yes, some things can be repaired / mended. But some things are just unacceptable and unforgivable - and I think , deep down, we all know what is and what isn't.

I know that it's not easy - really I do. But there is always something you can do. Small steps. Always someone you can talk to. And then, one day, after you've been practising, the small steps get bigger and bigger and you can walk, then run...

And here is an excellent place to start. Really, you regular guys, who are here week in, week out, always helping and advising - thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't think you'll eve realise just how much your words and advice mean.

Happy New Year and good luck everyone.


PassportHell Mon 31-Dec-12 11:28:52

Great post Dating. Hope 2013 brings you joy.

dequoisagitil Mon 31-Dec-12 11:54:39

Seconded. smile

This is a really great post.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Mon 31-Dec-12 11:59:19

That's great. One of the best things about MN is the amount of support and encouragement women are given to bin unsatisfactory men. It's such a brilliant counterbalance to the endless propaganda elsewhere that women must modify their behaviour to appease men, indulge them, forgive them, not expect too much from them, because being single is so wrong.

Further good wishes of strength and dignity to anyone else ditching or contemplating ditching some tosser.

dequoisagitil Mon 31-Dec-12 21:59:02

Bumpity bump bump bump.

Redflagcatcher Mon 31-Dec-12 22:25:14

Brilliant post!! I was just thinking how strong people can be getting out of relationships once they believe in themselves.
Have been away from my cheating xh for 3years now and still thankful for mn for showing me the light, can't believe how hopeful stupid and naive I was back then!
Just finished (3days ago) a relationship because I saw the early signs of emotional abuse so feeling sad but soooo strong, mainly down to learning about such things on mn! Wonderful place and a lifeline for so many. Stay strong and let yourself make 2013 fabulous year!!

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Mon 31-Dec-12 22:32:30

One of the best things about MN is the amount of support and encouragement women are given to bin unsatisfactory men. It's such a brilliant counterbalance to the endless propaganda elsewhere that women must modify their behaviour to appease men, indulge them, forgive them, not expect too much from them, because being single is so wrong.

Amen to that.

And terrific post Dating.

Heres to 2013 smile

HisstletoeAndWhine Mon 31-Dec-12 23:18:36

This time last year I was a different person. Scared, but I knew I had great leaps to make.

Well I made them, and am happier and emotionally healthier than I've ever been in my life.

Sure there's been some heart breaking moments; realising family were not who I thought they were, and realising I'd be better off without them, but now I'm back on the right path for me.

I'm working, making ends meet, just about. Am no longer scared of going outside, I'm dating a gorgeous, kind and wonderful man, my ds is well, happy and growing in confidence every day. My ex no longer scares me.

Watch the space you're in OP, it gets EVEN better love, and Mumsnet will cheer you on with every character you tap onto the screen!

Well done you. Keep on keeping on!

tallwivglasses Mon 31-Dec-12 23:46:02

I was feeling a bit low till I read this thread. Positivity is oozing from my screen!

Happy New Year all and here's to a taking-no-shite 2013 smile wine x

HisstletoeAndWhine Tue 01-Jan-13 00:55:39

Tallwivglasses, you are a mumsnet treasure, you're one of the peeps that help so many, so take that Pat on the back that you deserve, and keep up the good work! wine

tallwivglasses Tue 01-Jan-13 01:13:24

Hissy, how lovely of you!

<looks for pencil to design Blue Peter-style mumsnet treasure badge>

<glows> grin

D0oinMeCleanin Tue 01-Jan-13 01:15:42

I'm with ya Dating. Or I will be.

CAB and HA opens on the 2nd. I will be there. New Year, new me. For real this time.

Holiday or terminal illness or debt etc. nothing is worth this.

I might need cajoling but don't give up one me just yet

HisstletoeAndWhine Tue 01-Jan-13 01:21:35


no-one gets left behind Dooin, youjust shout if you need a boot up the arse cajouling....

KatieScarlett2833 Tue 01-Jan-13 06:36:45

Mumsnet gives me faith in the fabulousness of women every time I read a thread like Lou's. I'm proud to belong to a community that has such strong amazing people.

oopsadaisymaisy Tue 01-Jan-13 06:40:35

How lovely. What a nice post and what fab women there are in the world. smile

MuthaHubbard Tue 01-Jan-13 09:58:35

Great post Dating (and Solid). MN is bloomin' ace!

mcmooncup Tue 01-Jan-13 10:24:16

Abso-bloody-lutely cheers to that grin

I wish the whole of womankind knew about MN and our entire culture was based on the values of this wonderful place.

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