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Horrible partner - advice please

(9 Posts)
shoppingtrolley Mon 31-Dec-12 09:29:12

I had been up with our baby DD since 6am. Woke my husband up at 8am with a cup of tea and started trying to make plans for New Years Day. I said could we drive into London and go to a gallery as part of the trip he will have to do taking back my SD tomorrow. He said a flat out no, pretended to be asleep, then said I was being crazy and rude, and has now run himself a bath and is hiding in the bathroom. I explained that all I wanted was to organise something fun for NYD but he started yelling and marched off. I am so pissed off, not least because I need to get up and use the bathroom too and he should be out here looking after DD while I do. I feel like he is completely selfish, expecting me to have a shit NYD because of his access trip.

BoffinMum Mon 31-Dec-12 09:40:40

I would be inclined to make my own arrangements to have a good time, preferably with other people, and say if he wanted to join in the fun, then he was welcome to come along. It's amazing how quickly partners snap out of nonsense like this if they think they're missing out somehow.

But you should bear in mind he may be grumpy about having to see his ex.

shoppingtrolley Mon 31-Dec-12 09:42:31

He doesn't actually have to see her, he just drops the kids at the door. It's a long time ago.

WinterWinds Tue 01-Jan-13 11:40:03

Hope you managed to get it sorted.

Is it quite possible that you started firing all these arrangements at him before he'd had a chance to wake up properly??

DH and i know not to have full on conversations with each other, for at least a half hour after we have both woken up. Anything more than a "how are you feeling" or "did you sleep well", will ultimately end up with us sniping at each other.
Especially for me as my brain cannot process too much information if i am still hazy from sleep!

perfectstorm Tue 01-Jan-13 12:04:54

If you've been up with the baby then you're tired, and I sympathise... but you woke him up at 8 after NY, started firing demands and plans at him without any reference to how he felt, what he wanted, or even whether he was awake enough to have any conversation at all, completely ignored his signals even when he pretended to be asleep to make it all go away, and then you're amazed when he hides from you in the bathroom?

You sound like you were smothering him. I do, honestly, accept that you were trying to make a nice plan, and are tired yourself, but I think the person who sounds rudest and least concerned for the feelings of the other in this one is you. If my DH tried to steamroller me that way I would want to throttle him, bluntly. He's your spouse, not your dog.

Shove the baby at him, say you're still tired, and get a bit more kip. You'll feel much more cheerful if you do, IMO!

Rugbycomet Tue 01-Jan-13 13:12:20

perfect......OP posted on New Year's Eve morning. I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask about plans for the following day.

LynetteScavo Tue 01-Jan-13 13:30:23

If you'd woken me up at 8am this morning and chatted on about plans I would have said no and pretended to be asleep too.

There is either more to this, and your partner actually is horrible sometimes, or you are over reacting to your DP being grumpy first thing in the morning and taking a bath.

BoffinMum Wed 02-Jan-13 08:56:13

I had a thought - he's not developing diabetes, is he? Sleeping all the time and grumpiness are symptoms. Does he wee a lot and is he thirsty all the time?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 02-Jan-13 09:14:29

Is this a one-off this yelling and marching off business, or typical behaviour?

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