Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
angry at lack of support(2 Posts)
I'm 5 days over my due date of DC2 and officially a single mum. Although unofficially my husband who I left in the summer has moved into my new flat to 'help' me with our DC1 and the new baby when it arrives.
It's been ok for 2 weeks, although yesterday I was getting cabin fever generally as we've not been able to get out due to the rain. And it is 20 times the hassle to try to get him to take DC1 out so I can have some time to rest.
Today everything went back to normal though and I remembered why I left him. I arranged for him to meet my friend in the park as it's sunny and dc hasn't been outside for 2 weeks. Also it will give me time to sort out the flat. Basically he locked himself in the bathroom for 40mins already an hour late for the meeting. Then when I shouted at him he went absolutely mental shouting at me. Upsetting our DC, and upsetting me when I'm just days away from giving birth.
That might not sound that bad, it just reminded me of how frustrated and helpless I always felt with him. He is deliberately obstructive on every count, so it is impossible to work with him on anything.
I'm basically posting now because I'm so angry with my family and friends I don't really know how to go forward. The last two weeks have been ok with my husband, that I was wondering if he should move into my new flat for longtime help and reduce any money worries also.
In the summer my family were adamant that I should leave him, they set up all these lawyers appointments that I went to, and I filed for divorce. They were angry that I was pregnant as they rightly thought it would be hard for me to cope.
I was returning from overseas where we had lived together, but I managed to get a well paid job here. But with the price of nursery and rent in London I couldn't afford both, plus it took about 6months to start receiving any benefits.
I had to stay in a spare room in my sister's flat with my DC. Then I decided to not worry about money and rent a flat so we could have a home of our own. I'm in that flat now, but it's got a bad damp problem andwe've been ill all christmas, and I'm obviously worried what to do about the new baby.
With all the stress, I was doing badly at my job, and was having these review meetings as they didn't think my performance was good enough. Added to this I had a really unsettled DC who had moved about so often it made her really anxious whenever she met a new person or I left the room.
I'm angry because things were getting harder and harder for me and my friends and family were no where to be seen. Most didn't come to see my new house. My parents didn't help or get in touch about anything. And my friends seemed to think if they'd seen me once since I'd returned from overseas that was enough.
Whoever I spoke to just tried to reassure themselves that things were working out, and I was on the way to being ok.
My husband was the only one I was talking to every day, so he could stay in touch with our DC, and who would actually help when he came round. Such as taking her off my hands, doing a supermarket shop and cooking meals.
Now he is staying with me for the birth of the baby. And I have to put up with it as no one else will help me.
Your friends and family will be nowhere to be seen because they think you've made up with your ex and you don't need their help. They may even be insulted that you've chosen him over them and this is how they are showing their disapproval. Speaking personally, I've no idea why you'd want to go back to making yourself so reliant on someone you've separated from. If you asked him to leave I think you'd have much more success getting your family and friends on board. Good luck
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.