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Heartbroken and struggling to cope

(782 Posts)
Chaoscarriesonagain Sat 29-Dec-12 18:25:48

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

OverlyYappyAlways Thu 24-Jan-13 18:51:22

I only stopped my ex contacting me when I started counselling tbh! I told him he laughed down the phone at me but after a few weeks it really felt like I was over him. He stayed over last December with a view to coming back, he done this 4 times in 2 years, my head was wasted, I went for counselling, with W. .Aid and also a confidence group, it was like I grew balls overnight!

I still have very low self esteem this pisses me off now and my parents are so pissed off with me as it has been over 2 years and this freak is still in our lives, I think she must think we enjoy it.

Parents generally never understand Chaos

Chaoscarriesonagain Thu 24-Jan-13 19:27:29

Now waiting for parents to go out so I can call WA!!!!

Thanks so much yappy. So sorry again you've had that to deal with, what a rat

SoleSource Thu 24-Jan-13 19:30:41

(((Chaos)))) so proud of ya xxx

Chaoscarriesonagain Thu 24-Jan-13 19:39:25

sole how are you feeling ? X

SoleSource Thu 24-Jan-13 19:41:23

Bit lonely, not met the guy for mex

Chaoscarriesonagain Thu 24-Jan-13 19:46:24

Don't worry, me neither! I'll keep you company lovely. Are you feeling bored? X

SoleSource Thu 24-Jan-13 20:00:59

Been stuck in hoyse since 22nd Dec. No respite for DS as closes for Christmas, snow cloaed school, endless days, sleeping patterbs fucked up. More snow coming. Going stir crazy. DS be better off in a home as i have no life..

Chaoscarriesonagain Thu 24-Jan-13 20:44:12

Sorry sole, phone went! Have you been out at all? I have been stuck 5 days with snow too, it's bad. Where are you?

Do you have anyone you can go out for a walk with in RL? X

SoleSource Thu 24-Jan-13 20:50:39

Just to the shops. In B'ham with disabled child, blindness etc

Nobody to look after him..never mind x

Chaoscarriesonagain Thu 24-Jan-13 22:28:06

Am sorry , sole, am not very experienced I'm that field. I hate to think of you alone though. Are there any support groups in your area?

I mind, and I care. You've been so good at coming back to my thread, so please feel to PM anytime x

SoleSource Thu 24-Jan-13 22:59:13

I 'll be ok Chaos smile been a long four weeksx

Chaoscarriesonagain Fri 25-Jan-13 15:20:33

I know, that's 4 weeks today for me since I went! I feel like I'm in a haze today ; like am living someone else's life?!

All very surreal, but I've been getting on, don't think there's anything else for it x

OverlyYappyAlways Fri 25-Jan-13 16:00:05

sole DS is never better anywhere,he is with you, you do need a bit of break though, even to have a relaxing evening of pampering and baths and books etc. I know you're feeling it just now, I am too its horrid, I'm sure for 3 females damaged by males, we can pull it all together, you know I'm here for you x

I heart broken after one date chaos! Work that one out grin

Chaoscarriesonagain Fri 25-Jan-13 16:31:14

sole is a soldier and a first class mother! Not hearing otherwise !

yappy why do you think you felt that way?

SoleSource Fri 25-Jan-13 16:54:08

True Chaos I am smile I need to change mylife..thank gosh I am strong minded but get worn down by same old script by.people who do.not know how isolating life can be. I am ready to soar and will just be held back..

Chaoscarriesonagain Fri 25-Jan-13 20:38:51

You will not be held back my darling. You're better than that. You remind me of myself. Come on sole this isn't who you are! You're 10 of this! X

Chaoscarriesonagain Sun 27-Jan-13 09:30:13

Ahhh the dreams are constant and awful. 3 last night, 3!!

In the first dream he came up to me in a restaurant and looked at me with sheer love and told me I was gorgeous ( like he would a long time ago); the second was not so good and I felt I was always having to follow him around and wait for him (which I did); the third I was babysitting our murual friends beautiful daughter and had to call him for a lift, but he was busy with other things,

Am furious I can't even get rest in my sleep!I flew to my friends on Friday night, went to a very peaceful spa yesterday, had 2 treatments and a lot of relaxation.

In general whilst I still feel sad and hurt, speaking and thinking about how it really was, makes me know its the right thing.

It's the thought of not having anyone to hold me every night that makes me think of him, then dream if him. I wonder if and when someone will look at me like that again and tell me that.

I feel like I move backwards not forwards !

OverlyYappyAlways Sun 27-Jan-13 10:02:43

The dream are horrible Chaos, you try to move on and they come and bite you when you sleep, I used to have to get up and drink tea, if I woke up in bed, then went back to sleep I would fall into a dream, so would wake for an hour then go lie down again.

It sounds like your loving him and relying on him in tour dream and he has gone missing.

My dreams lasted from March-November but that was having contact, so I someohow managed to dream 17 years in those month, I hope yours will be less time than this.

Chaoscarriesonagain Sun 27-Jan-13 10:15:52

Hi yappy . I think I need to get up bods I wake from them; they are awful; and I just slip back into another.

There is no contact on my behalf, and he's been very quiet which is good as I know I have to move on. But I just keep thinking how could he do this to me , I showed him nothing but love

Am just so hurt and it manifests itself at night. I feel I spend all day getting on, and moving on, putting on a brave face for the world to see. When am alone my mind does this.

Chaoscarriesonagain Sun 27-Jan-13 10:22:24

And I can't bear the thought of anyone else coming near me intimately. I both miss and crave the closeness and the sex; how can I think that way? The one person who's done all of this to me is the only one I want near me. But I don't, and I won't let it happen. Why do I feel like it's always him?

OverlyYappyAlways Sun 27-Jan-13 11:03:18

I'm the same Chaos, I was thinking the same just last night and again this morning, I am very lonely just now. It's amazing how one person can mess with your mind so much, I know I need to back to confidence classes and hope my counseller doesn't back out on me again.

the way the dreams were explained to me was the this is your brains way of dealing with the trauma, that makes sense, I have dreamt about many things, crying at him having his new g/friend, having a baby was another, many were so hurtful they scarred me for the day. I haven't been 'traumatised' since November and that's when I had my last dream. The best thin you can do is keep talking about it all, even writing it all down or typing it all out, get it all out so it doesn't eat away inside you.

OverlyYappyAlways Sun 27-Jan-13 11:06:34

It will pass the sex thing. It took me a while, I've kinda gotten over it, it took my ex 2 weeks, he moved n with his g.friend after 3 days, said they waited 2 weeks I wouldn't normally believe that but she texted with details one morning.

Chaoscarriesonagain Sun 27-Jan-13 12:19:54

Tell me about the confidence classes? So sorry you're feeling that way too, it does feel like it's never ending. But worse still, this is beyond logic! Why would we let the bastards get us down like this!!

Am going to buy a journal and title it 'me after you', and write it all down. I never want to re read it, I just want to write.

I think he must have someone else ; to be able to detach like be has from me, us, our life together?!

Am sorry you sent through that- 2 weeks later?! Wtaf. I also presume the text was not overly kind of gracious.

We truly are better off out, but every day is hard!

Chaoscarriesonagain Sun 27-Jan-13 18:41:15

He's such a bastard. My mind is also bad for rerunning it all.

OverlyYappyAlways Sun 27-Jan-13 19:05:01

It's not been long Chaos, I had my date with my almost normal ex on 29th December and I still think about him constantly. [smile I literally cannot go a day without thinking about him and looking at his picture on facebook and that was one date and I don;t even know if I like him.

The confidence class is ladies who were once unconfident, is great, I thought I had no confidence but there are ladies there that are much worse than me, it all about, re-thinking and retraining your way of thinking, I was doing really well and met a few people I was going to keep in touch with but at that time had 3 days of counselling which was a bit much, so missed it for a week, then turned up a week later had my weeks mixed up and missed the last week. I missed another week as my DS was in hospital. You can go as many times as you want so may try it again.

An example would be a wedding I have to attend next week and I don't want to go, its my brother he is having the same wedding song as me and many people from my past when I was a confident person and my pills have put weight on me, not a lot but I am vain as my eating/weight are the only things I have had control over.

SO turn that into positive, hmm

It will be lovely to see my brother married, I will go get my hair done Friday, get something to hide my weight problem, a song is a song, its a well known wedding song I can go to the loo if it gets to me, ignore the nosy people from my past and if they bring it up, change the subject drinks lots, get pissed and enjoy myself? smile

Sorry huge post

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