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What do you make of this please?

(14 Posts)
Concentrateonthegood Fri 28-Dec-12 11:53:54

I think I know but probably need confirmation from the wise ladies of mn. Very old friend and I became casually intimate following his marriage break-up a year and a half ago. I really liked him but was conscious he was keeping me at a distance. Got a bIt fed up with the situation a couple of times but he always comes back. Long story short, got really fed up in the summer and decided enough was enough and didn't encourage him any longer. My birthday comes months later and he contacts me and apologies for being busy and really wants to meet up. I agreed to contact him when I got back from a trip just before Christmas. He does all he can to find out whether I'm single still, tells me he is too. I contacted him on Christmas Day to wish him and his family happy Christmas and I have got no response. Nothing. I can't believe he's a twat and more than that I can't believe I'm such a twat for thinking this time would be any different. hmm

arequipa Fri 28-Dec-12 12:02:09

It's hard not to hope each time he does this it may be different. But it isn't - it's the same disregard for you each time. He only wants you until he finds you available then loses interest. It won't change. Find someone more emotionally mature. New year, new start!

CabbageLeaves Fri 28-Dec-12 12:07:15

He's fishing but had a catch elsewhere. Move on smile

Pancakeflipper Fri 28-Dec-12 12:09:16

You are on his reserve bench. Promote yourself, don't be on his bench any more just hoping for a kick of the ball.

trumpalot Fri 28-Dec-12 14:03:02

you can do better than this x

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Fri 28-Dec-12 14:06:03

He's 'keeping you warm' in case he fancies a shag. To be fair to him, it doesn't sound as though he has offered you any kind of committed relationship and you are not actually dating each other, so he's not betraying you in any way by seeking and dating other women. If you are not currently dating, maybe you should have a go at that.

Walkacrossthesand Fri 28-Dec-12 15:04:05

IME, men you've had a sexual 'thing' with (especially if it was uncommitted) can come sniffing around years later, basically to see if they can still pull you. Could you find the strength to be cool & dismissive next time he does it? No cosy chats about single status, no nostalgic memories or good wishes to his family - just a polite brush-off. Repeat as necessary. He'll get the message.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Fri 28-Dec-12 18:02:46

I have had several male friends that I have shagged from time to time, quite a few of whom have reappeared now and again for further shags. This has always been OK with me, and there's nothing wrong with it in general. However, has this man been suggesting that you and he have a relationship? If so he's leading you on - but if he has never made you any promises and you have never made it clear to him that you want a relationship with him, then he isn't actually doing anything wrong - though he is clearly not going to offer you a relationship and you should look elsewhere if that's what you really want.

scottishmummy Fri 28-Dec-12 18:11:38

he's maintaing options I'm afraid
I suggest you do likewise
dont sit waiting on his call

TheMonster Fri 28-Dec-12 18:14:58

Sounds like he is keeping his options open to me. He won't commit to you.

Concentrateonthegood Fri 28-Dec-12 18:34:15

I know you're all spot on. You're correct in that he has never offered more and I have never asked for more but we've known each other since childhood, our families know each other. This is what I expect from Internet dating not someone I've known for 40 years. I'm resigned to it and not upset except with myself for allowing myself to get drawn in again. I like the comment that refers to promotion from the subs bench so will remember that! Thank you everyone.

Squeegle Fri 28-Dec-12 18:56:06

It's so painful. I do feel for you as am in a not dissimilar situation. I just don't get how these chaps can behave like this. I guess they are different from us in their motivations. And the annoying thing is that when they behave like this it makes us more keen rather than less
How perfect it would be if it put us off them as it should!

Concentrateonthegood Sat 29-Dec-12 09:42:25

Squeegle, maybe we're too busy trying to see the good when the bleedin obvious is staring us in the

Solid, I've been able to maintain very successful physical relationships with a number of men but this one is different because he's possibly the only one I could develop deeper feelings for. I'm not really looking for a relationship as I enjoy my life but if a good un came along, I'd reconsider.

Thanks for all your contributions. Much appreciated. Happy new year winex

Mum2Fergus Sat 29-Dec-12 10:08:35

You're in the back burner, just in case. Do yourself a huge favour and accept it for what it was and move on.

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