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I hate him so much right now

(3 Posts)
StrictlyGoShopping Thu 27-Dec-12 23:37:23

Will counselling help?
He is making the separation so so much more difficult and painful and protracted and anagonistic and hate filled than it needs to be. he listens to nothing I say. He is utterly self absorbed. I loathe him at the moment. It's like dealing with a child.

Just need to get it off my chest! But does anyone Have a positive experience of counselling?

Anniegetyourgun Fri 28-Dec-12 00:32:55

I should be very surprised indeed if joint counselling would help. He may want to appear nice in front of a third party, but it won't achieve anything when you leave that room. After all, if he wanted to listen to you and take your feelings into consideration, he'd have done it before you separated. Individual counselling for you, though, might help.

The counselling XH and I went to was kind of ludicrous, really. We were both coming from totally opposite viewpoints and neither of us would budge an inch. The counsellor ended up shouting at us that we were behaving like a pair of five-year-olds. It was quite useful in a way, though, as I was able to observe how XH behaved towards her and her reactions. For example, when he leaned forward and used "the Voice" she nearly jumped out of her chair; and when he went off on one of his odder rambles she tried to follow his train of thought and got hopelessly confused. Hallelujah, it wasn't just me! But then XH was a kind of "abuser lite". According to Saint Lundy of Bancroft, most abusers in counselling just learn helpful insights into how to press your buttons even more, together with the psychiatric terminology to prove that you are really the abuser and them the victim.

In short, I really wouldn't recommend it.

tzella Fri 28-Dec-12 09:39:56

Mediation might help, rather than counselling. It's for sorting out time with DCs etc.
Do you have a solicitor? Formalise your separation and let the sol carry the strain through letters instead of having impossible conversations with the ex.

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