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piss I've fallen for my partners friend.

(78 Posts)
bristolcities Thu 27-Dec-12 14:34:40

I have been with my partner for 8 months we have just moved in together, we had a small house warming, 2 of my friends 2 of his, most fell asleep or left by 2ish but my self and the freond stayed up untill 6. At the end of an amazing 4 hour chat we kissed, I stooped him before anything else happened.
I love my boyf but we have nothing in common and I guess living together has just highlighted this. He is having a hard time of it at the moment and I feel utterly ashamed of my self but I can't help thinking of the friend all the time. I don't know what the vest thing to do for everyone is. I am fully expecting a roasting, maybe I need it, definitely deserve it.
Pardon the typos, I'm using a basic phone

MrsJREwing Thu 27-Dec-12 16:46:00

You certainly don't respect him enough judging by your behaviour with his friend.

You moved your child in to a house with a man yoi barley know and have nothing in common with shock WTF? speaking as a lone parent in a previous ea relationship, that is not something I would do and I can't think of a reason why anyone else would.

Ask the guy to leave, keep away from his mate and concentrate on yourself and son.

Has nobody told you, do not move in with someone till you know them four seasons?

DontmindifIdo Thu 27-Dec-12 16:49:14

so it's your house really? Talk to your DP then, if you think your relationship needs to end, or take a break, tell him. Can you afford the rent on your own?

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree Thu 27-Dec-12 16:50:55

that is a pretty scummy thing to do...

Move in with a guy and THEN decide its wrong and invite him to move out...

You owe it to him to end it and you actually do owe it to him to move out.

The fact that you have to disrupt your child to do this may be something you should have thought about first really... sad

DontmindifIdo Thu 27-Dec-12 16:56:30

well, if you can afford the rent on your own and he can't (and it's you that paid the deposit etc), then realistically it should be him to move out, but there's not rush. Mind you, if his friend gets a fit of concious and tells him, there might be a rush on his side....

For future reference, your DS deserves better than you bringing a new father figure into his life without being 100% certain this is a 'forever' relationship.

LynetteScavo Thu 27-Dec-12 16:57:30

You've moved in with the bloke, not married him.

There could be 101 reasons why you realise this isn't the man for you after you move in together. As you say, living together has highlighted you have nothing in common.

Are both your names on the tenancy agreement?

I think you need to tell him you don't think you are in this for the long term, and see what he says. I'm guessing he will move out anyway.

bristolcities Thu 27-Dec-12 17:19:13

Tbh if that happens I would be totally gutted. I don't know if that has or should have any bearing on my decision.

bristolcities Thu 27-Dec-12 17:22:07

Our relationship had been up untill this point lovely, we don't fight and he is very supportive. I thought loving him would be enough....

bristolcities Thu 27-Dec-12 17:24:15

I can't hurt him like that right now. I know there is never a good time but now would be really really bad.

HisstletoeAndWhine Thu 27-Dec-12 17:29:05

It's 8m, you don't even know him enough to say a thing. trust me. Anyone who fights within the first year, shouldn't be together in the first place. So your comment of 'we don't fight' is meaningless.

Where is your duty of care to your DS? Why didn't you think this through?

You need to talk this through with this bloke today, and give him the information he needs to be able to make up his mind if he wants to stay with you or not.

Mutt Thu 27-Dec-12 17:31:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VBisme Thu 27-Dec-12 17:32:42

Have you spoken at all to his kissyface friend today? How the hell do you know the shit isn't about to hit the fan?

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree Thu 27-Dec-12 17:44:50

I really don't understand what you want.
Your posts keep contradicting themselves..

You don't love him, you do love him, you see no future, you want him to stay..

I Think it's because you seem to have no clue what you are doing.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Thu 27-Dec-12 18:01:35

You may think you're being oh so nice and kind but I promise you he doesn't want to be with someone who loves him not quite enough to stop them sticking their tongue down his best mate's throat.

MrsJREwing Thu 27-Dec-12 19:11:05

I wouldn't want to live with someone either who found me uncompatable, who spent four hours in my living room flirting and snogging my mate when I lay sleeping in the bedroom next door, to be spoken about by the so called mate and g/f behind my back and left in the dark.

JustFabulous Thu 27-Dec-12 19:14:29

If you don't want to hurt him you should finish it with him.

meditrina Thu 27-Dec-12 19:18:41

You have two choices which you can make with integrity;

a) put the (probably worthless) man who is prepared to betray his friend utterly and totally out of your mind and commit fully to DP, or
B) leave DP

What you cannot do with a clear conscience is string DP along. Either commit or leave, anything else is unfair and dishonest towards him. The costs and admin burden of splitting will be less now than if you continue with an affair (or in the fullness of time, affairs) and reach this point with far greater animosity in future.

dequoisagitil Thu 27-Dec-12 19:24:31

You need to have things in common for a relationship to survive. It's better to call it off now than to carry on.

If your bf is having a bad time now, just at what point will it suddenly be ok to end it? There's never a good time.

You may be afraid of looking a cow by 'kicking him when he's down' - but then nearly falling into bed with his mate doesn't make you look particularly great either.

bristolcities Thu 27-Dec-12 19:25:26

I love him and have never said otherwise bit my actions probably read differently. Yes I am younge buy despite my actions am normally fairly intelligent and reasoned. This is my issue, I know that and nothing to do with my lovely boyfriend. It was serious almost straight away and has felt vert stable. I get on incredibly well with his so and him with mine. I just don't know if its enough. Fuck. I know lots of people are faithful but what if this is a wobbly and I throw something great away. Just to clarify, u was with ny xp for 6 years, my god it was hard bit I stuck it out, in no stupid child

MrsJREwing Thu 27-Dec-12 19:29:31

Are you going to leave or ask him to leave or waste his time and prevent him from finding a faithfull woman who has things in common with?

dequoisagitil Thu 27-Dec-12 19:29:37

Sticking relationships out is not what it's about. Maybe you're continuing on this path with your bf because of your desire to stick things out, cos it's what you know how to do. It's embarrassing to back out after you've just moved in, but fgs, don't hang in there when it's not right for you.

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree Thu 27-Dec-12 19:29:53 have said you don't love him:

I did love him, or maybe it was lust, any way I don't know how I feel any more. I have never been in this possition, I was madly in love for the whole of my previous relationship

'Did love'. Past tense. see, your posts contradict all over the place.

What exactly is it that you want??

bristolcities Thu 27-Dec-12 19:36:19

It's not about embarrassing my self its about noy hurting him. We could continue how we are now he would never know and would probably be happy.

dequoisagitil Thu 27-Dec-12 19:39:28

Balls. You're obsessing over his mate and have nothing in common with the guy.

VBisme Thu 27-Dec-12 19:39:37

Okay, so what is it about?

You sound immature to me, I hope that I've misunderstood and you haven't both got children?

dequoisagitil Thu 27-Dec-12 19:40:15

If you cared so much about not hurting him, you wouldn't be mooning over the mate.

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