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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year? So, Let's Go Up A Gear!(1000 Posts)
Hello, tis me, Mouse (normally Mouseface but I'm wearing my festive name )
Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, to a place of solace, support and sanctuary, if that's what you seek of course. It's also a Bus full of bloomin' chatterboxes, waffling on about life, love and all things from school reports to laundry!
The journey into 2013 is going to be an ass kicking one as we're moving up a gear to give the WineWitch a bloody good slapping, and the BoozeBeast a kick in the bollo.............
Some of us drink in moderation, some of us drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.
Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.
We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT
Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes. The support on this Bus has kept me from ruining my life time and time again. The experiences of others shared here has helped me to change the way I see alcohol, the way I see what it does to me.
Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.
Everyone is welcome here so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hi. Post as much or as little as you like!
So, come say hi, grab a seat, an eggnog (non alcoholic of course ) and a mince pie, or chocolate chip cookie, and meet some lovely, genuine people who are just like YOU.
Also, HERE IS THE PREVIOUS THREAD with a link in the OP to the first ever thread, and the reason why after more than two and a half years, this thread is still here, supporting those in need.
(An Aside; Thought Tasty Farmer had 'gone off the boil' and was soooooo good (Soma - you proud of me?!) and waited it out. So, today, 24 hours late (in my mind) he got back to me with a lovely e-mail. He's had man 'flu (which I think I gave him but haven't confessed!) and has felt shit. So, pleased to get a chatty, warm message....then.....5 mins later he sent me another mail with a photo of the puppy from yesterday! Cute!!! Heart melting time!!! Let him know I was free for the past couple of days and he hasn't suggested meeting up but I 'spose he has been ill) Still not sure how things will turn out but it's still 'alive' as of today.)
Thanks koala appreciate your words of wisdom, I'm really ready to try again and you are so right to be vigilant, I managed a whole week and felt
Different person and was convinced i had changed my mindset, yet after the first taste of the first glass, I was back to my old ways in a heartbeat. One day at a time is all we can do and you are doing it beatifully xxxx
hell I was thinking i couldn't affOrd exercise until ma mentioned taking the stairs at work
Welcome aboard lostgirl so sorry that your having such a hard time. Big hugs for you
welcome lostgirl this is a hard time of year for many of us. I have abandoned myself to the wine witch tonight as a 'reward' for staying sober on boxing day. I know this will make getting back on the Bus 10 Times harder, but will cross that bridge when I come to it.
purple cute photos of puppies? AND all his own teeth? he sounds like a catch...
Yeah lovely Joey Yup, teeth and everything!!! Fell down the big black hole that is ALCOHOL this time last year too. Hoping that I can pull things back faster this time than last. Does anyone think that, if we start now, next Christmas won't be so feckin' difficult? Is it a 'time served' thing'? Who the hell knows! xxxx
Welcome to the new babes,this is a good place to be. joey when I am on a fitness kick,I even go to the loos on the next floor up to build in extra stair climbing.
But that is on a good day. Tonight I have had two mince pies for pudding!
Purple you go girl, yes I'm very proud of you. Relapsed big-time on Christmas Day and it's been downhill since then. Halfway through my second bottle last night I decided enough was enough and managed to catch an AA meeting. Sat there pissed and blubbing but left feeling much better.
DD hugely disappointed in me and has told me she doesn't want her friends to come round anymore in case I'm loaded Gotta stay stopped this time, there's no other way. I'll join you if I may Baby and all the others who've had enough.
Hugs to you all, old and new x
Feeling bad for you Soma. Having your DD comment must be the worst. For some crazy reason, I seem to be a 'functioning drunk' and, apart from being a bit louder than normal, appear to most people not to be drunk. My DD has only ever noticed that I was a little unsteady on my feet twice - and both times I talked her out of her suspicions (deep, deep, deep shame). It's not going to last and I sooooo don't want my children to suffer the same things I went through with my mother.
A quick question. Does anyone else have the thought, once they had bought their stash of alcohol, that this could be their last day on this earth? I do. My mother died of an overdose of anti-depressants after a 'heavy' night. Her notes show that she suffered from alcoholism for years. It seems she took a double dose of her meds one Friday night, after getting back from the pub, and due to her body's weakness, caused by continued alcohol abuse, she couldn't cope with the 'overdose'. I was 12.
So, some of us have fallen under the spell of the Wine Witch over Christmas but now, New Year approaching, we can gird our loins (no idea what that actually means but it sounds like 'the business'!!). We've fucked up but it's not the end of the world and we can get back to moderation/sobriety.
Well done Soma for getting yourself to an AA meeting. That was a really positive move on your part. Sending hugs, Sweetpea, lets all try together?
Would like to quickly add that, in my view (there is no proof) the fact that my Mother took twice the dose of Mogadon was due to the fact she was off her face and may have forgotten taking the first lot. Her body was in such a bad state that it couldn't hold out against the double dose. I have the inquest notes and can only draw my own conclusions on some of it. She was a nurse and, in my opinion, if she had intended to take her own life, she would have known to take more that twice the dose. Who knows. Not me. Sorry to bring down the mood a bit - but - do you know what - this is what alcohol abuse leads to - and I still find it hard to quit?! xxxx
purple it's okay, I reckon this time of year our thoughts become maudlin and turn to the past...
Oh my god purple, I was just talking tonight about how I used to pop a few extra anti depressants when I was pissed just for the shear hell of it!
On a lighter note, I also managed to get to a meeting tonight and feel a glimmer of hope again
I wish you all a restfull night xxxx
purple so sorry to hear what happened to your mum. No wonder you question your mortality! Yes this drug is so seductive, how many of us have alcoholic parents? Have seen the damage. yet are still drawn like a moth to a flame.
Thanks Green and Lost. Personally, my maternal Grandfather, my mother and two of my aunts all had unhealthy relationships with alcohol. My brother struggles too.
Koti Hugs to you, Lovely. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
Yes, my Mother's inability to cope with alcohol and her depression shaped my early years and still, at 50, is affecting me. She was frequently absent (either physically or emotionally), had severe memory problems, was often violent and her drinking often left me in dangerous or neglective situations. Also, I remember things like being given whiskey when my hamster died - I can't have been more than 8 or 9 years old! Unfortunately, the damage was compounded after she died. My aunt told me she had had leukaemia, was told she only had 6 months left to live so had decided to end it all with a bottle of Johnny Walker and meds. After she had been found dead, I had to go and live with my father and
evil step mother (that is a WHOLE other fuck-up period that had nothing to do with alcohol!). I went from the sublime to the ridiculous - from London to North Wales!
Years later, when I approached the age I thought my mother was when she died (which was 47 - she was, in fact, 44 when she died. More mis-information) I started investigating. I didn't even know where she was buried as I couldn't face her funeral at the time and had run away - nobody could find me. 33 years later I found they still had her inquest notes and the autopsy papers too. From these I learnt that there was no leukaemia. It had been a lie. Bit of a shock when you've spent your life telling people that that's what your mother died of - even participating in raising funds for leukaemia research in her name (don't regret that bit but feel a bit of a fraud). I had spent so many years thinking that she had selfishly (sorry, but when you still feel 12 that's how if feels to a child) decided to end her life without making any provisions for me, or leaving me some sort of explanation, note or letter of love, that I felt she had abandoned me. For so many years I had a vision of her, tucked up in bed, warm, cosy, with her whiskey and pills saying to herself "Well, I can't be doing with this, I'm off. Fuck you, world". The reality was, she was found on the floor, 3 days after she had died. Not cosy, not warm, not smug. The police taped off the bedsit for nearly a week. As I mentioned, the things I learnt from her inquest notes (death = accidental not suicide) pointed to it being an accident. I tried to talk to my aunt about why she had told me the leukaemia story but she didn't want talk about it. She has since died of breast cancer last year. My brother doesn't want to hear about any of the stuff I've found out either. That's difficult.
Anyway, 33 years after she died, from what I can figure, she didn't just bugger off and leave me, abandon me - she made a mistake and it cost her her life. The year I found out, I managed to buy some flowers on Mother's Day in remembrance. I still haven't been to her grave - planning that for this summer.
Waaaay too much about me and I really should try and get back to sleep. I guess we all know Philip Larkin's poem about parents? I so wanted to prove him wrong. I'm doing better than either of my parents for my three - but not nearly as well as I'd hoped/planned.
Please, please, please be careful those with meds Babes.
Koti you know where I am. I'm here if you need me in your darker times. xxxxxxxxxx
Aw purple huge hugs for you. What a complete headfuck you've been put through all your life! So sorry for your loss & sounds such a tragic waste for your mum but it sounds like your a survivor. I have many times took double sleeping tablets when I've been pissed to make sure I sleep off all the alcohol. Have also messed about with anti-depressants when had too much, it's scary to think how close you could be to something awful happening. I really get how you must feel with all the unanswered questions & feelings of abandonment. My Dad committed suicide 10 years ago & it just leaves me with so many complex feelings.
My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic & looking after him put my gran into an early grave. My whole family have issues with drink & I now see my mum turning into my Granda. It scares me as I wonder is it inevitable that that's the way I will go?
I sometimes wish that we lived in a world where alcohol just didn't exist. Or that I was a normal drinker
Purple Lost Soma and all the other BBs who struggled over Christmas:
I was weeks sober my first sober Christmas. It wasn't difficult, in fact it would have been really hard to drink as I was surrounded by peo
Surrounded by people who had seen me at my worse, supported me and knew I was an alcoholic who could not drink and who wanted to get sober. I also got to loads of AA meetings.
Are you struggling alone? This bus is very supportive, but RL support is essential too.
Purple thank you for telling us your story - I can't really find the words to express how sad I feel for you but I think it's testament to the strength of the human spirit that you are here, beautiful and strong and being such a huge support to all of us. Your children have a wonderful mother I think I'm a functioning drunk too, no-one but DD can tell when I've had a drink (I just get animated too). She must have some sort of antenna for it. She went and stayed at a friend's last night (who was supposed to come here but DD didn't want that) and I'm nervous about seeing her today. But we've texted loads and she's been saying she loves me.
Clutter I'm so sorry about your dad and like you would love a world without alcohol or for me to be a normal drinker. Lost how was your meeting, have you considered doing the steps? I'm going to one at lunchtime and am on the look-out for a sponsor. I need the tools to keep me sober, to stay stopped (stopping isn't the problem). Help did AA help you?
Kot, Green, Alias, Winey, if we stick together we can do this, we've got to. And thank you lovely Mouse for the new thread, what a great title.
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