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Is this ok to send?

(111 Posts)
LikeATeenager Wed 26-Dec-12 12:14:07

Hi all.
Have been seeing someone for the last couple of months. We get on really well, sex is amazing and when we are together he talks about how much he likes me, lots of very private things about his business, hopes for the future etc.
However he owns his own business an literally works 24/7. I've never met anyone who works so hard - he has been diagnosed with high blood pressure and knows he needs to calms things down. I've been v understanding about his schedule, it doesn't really bother me when plans get changed last minute etc but it's the frequency of contact between meetings that I struggle with. He never texts me first, phone calls are snatched in the car as he drives between meetings, basically it's all on his terms. I don't want that long term - I want someone who has the spare time to put effort into me as well.
So I was going to send him this - I want to be honest. Is it ok do you think?

Hi - hope you're ok. Think this might be a bit long but didn't want to catch you driving & if I see you face to face I'll struggle to say anything as you're lovely. But I honestly think you just don't have the time or energy to be in any sort of relationship at the mo. Even in these early stages, this time I want to be with someone who makes me feel special - but it's usually me making the effort, texting you first, suggesting we meet up etc. I know your life is crazy busy but even at (a club we went to) you didn't touch me once the whole night which was a bit strange. And that's fine - but just not what I need. I'm definately not a needy or demanding person but there has to be a balance there. So I'm sorry - honestly the last thing I want to do is cause you any more stress but it's better to be honest. You know I'm a bit of a softie and if I carry on this way, especially sleeping with you which is a big-ish thing for me (& ridiculously amazing with you,) I'm going to end up hurt. I'm not asking for much but I still think it's prob more than you can give at the moment. Sorry x

MrsMcEnroe Wed 26-Dec-12 12:15:36

I think that's great! Hope you get the response you want ...

LikeATeenager Wed 26-Dec-12 12:15:38

I suppose I just want to give him the chance to change or to get out now before I become properly attached

WizardofOs Wed 26-Dec-12 12:17:22

Depends what do you want the outcome to be? Do you want him to slow down and make more time for you or do you really want to end it?

DistanceCall Wed 26-Dec-12 12:23:30

I don't think you make clear enough what you want. If you leave the door open, you might want to add something like "I really like to and want us to spend more time together, but if you are unable to right now, I will have to call it off".

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Wed 26-Dec-12 12:25:29

It sounds to me like a let down, ending it letter. I think you might need some phrases which make it clear you want him but more of him. I'm not sure your point is coming across to be honest. I sounds Luke you are trying to dump him but kindly.

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Wed 26-Dec-12 12:26:07

It sounds like


LikeATeenager Wed 26-Dec-12 12:29:29

How about ending it like this then... Leaving the ball in his court so to speak...

I do really like you and I'm not asking for much but I wonder if it's more than you can give at the moment.

dequoisagitil Wed 26-Dec-12 12:30:14

I think you should be a little clearer about what you want from him. It's difficult to tell whether this is a 'break up' text or a 'make more effort or we'll break up' text.

You don't need to put in the bit about 'not being needy or demanding', because what you're asking is truly not much and it just puts words in his mouth.

I also think you should take out the bit about the amazing sex grin. You want him to do more of the running, implying he's the best you've ever had make suggest to him he just has to pay a bit of lip-service and you'll come running for his golden cock grin.

Mulledandmerry Wed 26-Dec-12 12:30:28

It sounds like too much to take in for a text If you do want the relationship to continue prob best to learn to communicate in person imho.

dequoisagitil Wed 26-Dec-12 12:30:35

may suggest not make suggest

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Wed 26-Dec-12 12:37:40

Still think it sounds like a break up. I think it needs ri be clearer that you don't actually want to break up really. Just a suggestion but something along the likes of;

"Do you think I'm asking more than you can give? I don't want to break up but can't continue only getting crumbs of something which is so good. "

Also advocate communicating in person.

coffeeinbed Wed 26-Dec-12 12:40:00

It reads like "it's not you it's me, oh hold on, it's you after all" ending it email.

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Wed 26-Dec-12 12:41:56

Exactly coffee grin

PeachTown Wed 26-Dec-12 12:42:54

I've read it twice and don't really know what you're asking/telling him. Plus - sorry - but it sounds needy (you're so great at everything, sorry to stress you out etc.)

Phone him. Ask him what he wants. Tell him you need a bit more despite his busy life (and you don't need to apologise for that).

Best of luck

coffeeinbed Wed 26-Dec-12 12:43:04

It's very hard to get it right in writing, without sounding too needy though...
Are you sure you don't want to do this face-to-face?

Lovingfreedom Wed 26-Dec-12 12:43:54

I think it would be better to meet up for a coffee...say you like his company, sex is great but you are looking for a relationship with a guy and you get the feeling he doesn't have the time for that at the moment. And see what he says.

coffeeinbed Wed 26-Dec-12 12:48:08

Exactly Freedom.
Because if you sent this and he then he wouln't reply - because he won't! - then you'll be sitting there wondering - did he dump me, did I dump him, is he going to reply, when, and so on.
And let's face it, that's hassle.
Talk to him.

LikeATeenager Wed 26-Dec-12 12:48:48

Face to face would be better but he lives an hours drive away, so don't want to drive there, say it, then turn around ad drive home.
And ringing him wouldn't work as he is always either with clients or in his car so he can't concentrate...

Lovingfreedom Wed 26-Dec-12 12:53:30

Sorry but you are making excuses. I think that you might be scared he's going to finish with you so you are getting in first giving the excuse that he's too busy. If he doesn't want a relationship with you it's better off knowing so you can stop worrying and find a guy who does. If you give him the choice of 'hey, I like you but I'm looking for someone who has a bit more time' - that's not needy...that is tell him what you wanty...which is perfectly reasonable.

Lueji Wed 26-Dec-12 12:54:43

I agree with the others.

It's not clear.

I understand you writing, but you do need to tell him that he doesn't seem very available to you and you don't want such a relationship. So, ask him if he'll be prepared to give you more time, initiate things, etc, or if it is best for both to move on.

I don't think he'll be able to change things like the not touching, though.

dequoisagitil Wed 26-Dec-12 12:57:07

If he won't even take the time to listen to you properly over the phone, you're really on a loser here.

izzyizin Wed 26-Dec-12 13:07:52

As the Wizard has asked, what do you want the outcome to be?

I'm not a fan of coming on heavy or wearing my heart on my sleeve revealing too much about my inner emotions early in relationships and, if you are hoping that he'll make some adjustment to his frenetic lifestyle to accomodate your hopes or expectations, I suggest you opt for a more measured and less mixed message.

However, from what you've said, it seems to me that relationships with the opposite come second to his ambitions and, if he were to agree make more time for you, I suspect his intention would be shortlived.


izzyizin Wed 26-Dec-12 13:09:38

opposite sex!

LikeATeenager Wed 26-Dec-12 13:14:54

I don't want to break up - I do like him. He keeps talking about how all he wants now is a wife and kids so I think he does want to change, but it's literally breaking the habits of a lifetime for him and I'm not sure he's capable. He's 48 and has never lived with anyone!

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