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how do I approach her?

(24 Posts)
mrkidd85 Tue 25-Dec-12 20:06:38

so I'm looking for a bit of friendly female advice. I was in a pub in covent garden yesterday and I got talking to the barmaid. She was exactly my kind of girl looks and personality wise.

Anyway, I left without getting her number or making my interest known but I only work down the road from her so I can go in and speak to her again. It's not exactly the kind of thing I've done before as I've always thought it was a bit creepy, however I don't have any bad intentions with her and I'd like to take her out.

Would it be better for me to just ask her if she'd like to go on a date or pass her a note with my number on it? That way she wouldn't be put on the spot. I don't usually approach girls if I don't know them but it could be something special.

Really appreciate any advice.

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Dec-12 20:08:49

I'd just go in again and say hello and chat to her. She won't want to go out on a date with someone she doesn't know at all, will she? Talk to her naturally and when you know her a bit better, ask her out.

teela12 Tue 25-Dec-12 20:10:21

Just go back, and ask her. Don't have another long chat first - make it clear from the off that you're there because you'd like to invite her out.

Do bear in mind that it's possible she was just chatting to you as part of her work - barmaids are expected to talk to the clientele. So if she demurs when you ask her out, take it on the chin. But I expect she'll be very pleased to be invited out, provided she's single. In all my single days, no one ever asked me out on a date - I'd have been delighted if they had!

scaevola Tue 25-Dec-12 20:14:04

Agree, you need to go back in and keep chatting to her. If it's going well, drop a request for her phone number into the conversation. If she provides it, she's interested.

itsallinmyhead Tue 25-Dec-12 21:11:14

Go back and ask her out.

I've been a barmaid and if a hot guy had come into a bar I was working in and asked me out I'd have been extremely flattered.

The worst that can happen is her saying no.

itsallinmyhead Tue 25-Dec-12 21:11:48

Come back and let us know!

MarilynValentine Tue 25-Dec-12 21:20:06

I reckon pop in, bit of a chat, very casual, then end with 'it was great chatting to you the other night, do you fancy going for a drink sometime?"

Really light and relaxed.

Fairenuff Tue 25-Dec-12 22:22:54

When you're chatting to her, ask if she's single. If she says no, just say that's a shame. If she says yes then ask her if she'd like to meet for a drink sometime.

Then come back and tell us what happened, of course smile

PowerPants Tue 25-Dec-12 22:26:36

What fairenuff says. Casual but showing you are interested, loike.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 25-Dec-12 22:32:21

what "bad intentions" could you have had ? hmm

aprilrain Tue 25-Dec-12 22:33:34

Don't just give her your number - it looks arrogant. Like saying "You've won a prize you lucky lady!" Talk to her some more, get to know her a bit then ask her out.

Fairenuff Tue 25-Dec-12 22:56:34

Haha, AF that jumped out at me too but I thought I'd wait and see what unfolded. You're on the ball tonight grin

Did you have a good Christmas Day today?

< passes the time until OP comes back >

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 25-Dec-12 23:08:11

Yes, Fairenuff, I had a Xmas Day that was fine and dandy, ty.

Yourself ?

Fairenuff Tue 25-Dec-12 23:20:47

I had a marvellous day, thank you, with much merriment and stuffing of assorted festive fayre.

Now I'm about to toddle upstairs with my brand new kindle. I'm reading a book written in 1861 on an electronic, wireless device. What will they think of next!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 25-Dec-12 23:25:41

Mindblowing, eh ? grin

mrkidd85 Wed 26-Dec-12 01:31:01

Thanks gals I'm working on Thursday so will update you then.

By bad intentions, I mean I'm not just interested in getting into her underpants. I mean yeah I'd like to do that but not in the using her kind of way.

HollyMadison Wed 26-Dec-12 06:11:49

Suggest you go in with friends or a friend for lunch a couple of times and have some more brief chats before asking her out. Even if she fancies you she doesn't know you yet and may not agree to go out with you without knowing you better. Going in with friends does make you look "normal" and popular whereas sidling up to the bar by yourself could appear a bit creepy. You could do this over a period of a couple of weeks - no need to rush in. I know it sounds counterintuitive but don't spend too much money at the bar. When I was a barmaid I used to think that my customers who pissed a lot of money away in an environment which was all a bit superficial were a bit sad. Good luck smile

Fairenuff Wed 26-Dec-12 18:36:25

Oh dear

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Wed 26-Dec-12 18:53:35

I bet she gets asked out all the time by blokes she barely knows. I bet she could paper her walls with phone numbers grin

I suggest you go in several times (not daily or you'll look like a stalker) and get to know her a bit. As a person. Something more than she's pretty and whatever you think you discovered about her personality in one evening of her being behind a bar. (where she's paid to be friendly) What music does she like? Do you have anything in common?

Alittlestranger Wed 26-Dec-12 18:57:35

Isn't the point of dates that it's time to get to know someone a bit, as a person? He's not proposing, he's just asking to spend a bit of time getting to know each other. Unless she works in a very quiet bar I'm not sure you'll far trying to chat while she's working.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Wed 26-Dec-12 19:16:37

Don't you have to know that the person is someone you're likely to want to spend time with? Is thinking they look pretty enough? I don't know. I've never actually been on a 'date' in my life. grin (married. 2 kids. no dates.) I just thought that there didn't appear to be anything to go on beyond someone looking attractive and being nice cos that's their job. How can you possibly know that someone you don't know at all could be anything to you? Do you take them out to begin to know them, or do you begin to know them then go out?


TheHillsAreAliveWithMrsWembley Wed 26-Dec-12 19:28:24

As someone who has spent many years (pre DCs) both sides of the bar, I would agree with those who have said take a while to get to know her better first.

If you do it right, by the time you ask her out on a date she will be very ready to say yes.wink To those who would go in and ask straight away I say, it's called flirting!

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Wed 26-Dec-12 20:06:31

Yes. I also worked behind a bar in the dim and distant past.

Who I was behind the bar -hee hee that's so funny big smile everything you say is sooooo interesting yes I just love to hear all about fly fishing... - is very different to who I was when my coat went on and I got the hell out of there grin

itsallinmyhead Wed 26-Dec-12 20:07:02

I agree with Alittlestranger he's not proposing.

As someone who has dated, physical attraction is enough to start with.

If she fancies him, it's a great place to start. The date/ consequent dates will determine for them both if anything more is worth pursuing.

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