DP sleeps too much during the day.

[Mytimewillcome]

I know alot of men have 'naps' during the day but he can sleep practically the whole day leaving me with 2 children under the age of three. I am waking up for the baby during the night and if our other DC wakes up. He doesn't wake up at all. If he is asleep then I obviously can't catch up. I have started going out without him at weekends and am worried that we'll end up having separate lives with him just sleeping the whole weekend and me spending it on my own with my children. Does anyone have any practical advice or did anyone manage to change their DP from being a lazy git to someone more dynamic or is it a lost cause?

[CailinDana]

Have you asked him to stop doing this, or asked him to get up at night with at least one of the children?

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Is he ill ? On medication that makes him sleep more ?

If not, he is a lazy twat and you need to stop being a martyr to his selfishness.

[ledkr]

I agree. Imagine if you decided to sleep all day what would happen. Seems very odd to me has he had a check up?

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

And actually, OP, in the absence of a good reason to take "naps" during the day, it isn't "normal" for men to do this at all

However, people who wish to opt out of the shitwork of family life could use it as an avoidance tactic

[TheCrackFox]

He needs to visit the GP and get thoroughly checked out. If he is subsequently found to be fit and well (in mind and body) then, frankly, he needs to stop being a lazy, selfish arse.

[ledkr]

it's tea time why the devil not?

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

don't fancy changing the baby's bum/clearing up after mealtimes/pushing the hoover round/playing with your children ? Have a bit of shuteye.

[dequoisagitil]

A lot of men don't have naps during the day.

If there's nothing physically wrong with him and there's nothing like depression lurking to cause this, then he's being a lazy bastard and you should put your foot down. It's not fair on you to do all the night waking, and then watch him sleep away family time and weekends. He could let you nap as you're the one who needs it.

[ledkr]

"someone shut that facking baby up I'm trying to have 40 winks ere"

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

does he have naps at work? thought not!

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Is this the kind of "man" your partner is, OP ?

[hermioneweasley]

Agree, I work 60 hours a week and I don't nap at weekends, and when my partner was doing all the night wakings she had lie ins both days at the weekend (now we share)

[CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts]

How old is he? What's his general health like - weight, exercise, nutrition, mental balance? When did he last see a GP for a physical check up? The 'Lazy Responsibility-Avoiding Twat Hypothesis' has my vote at the moment but there are a few medical conditions which can result in chronic fatigue and which are worth eliminating.

[BitchyHen]

Xh used to do this to avoid helping with cleaning and childcare. He would get up after I had put the kids to bed and be 'surprised' that I was tired.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

I bet he still expected you to be all enthusiatic about having sex with him too, didn't he, BH ?

[CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts]

"Does anyone have any practical advice"

Vacuum-clean at very close proximity. Poke him with sticks. Get a drum-kit. Empty bucket of water over head...

[ledkr]

My mum thinks men need a rest. She invited dh round to watch footy on her sky about a week after I'd given birth so he could have a break
He obviously didn't go but that's what she thinks. My dad is often napping whilst mum is downstairs doing everything.
If dh kept sleeping I'd keep waking him up.

[BelleoftheFall]

I agree that he should go to the doctor and see if there's an underlying cause for him sleeping all day long.

My mother has thyroid issues that made her incredibly tired all of the time. My dad used to come home from 12 hour shifts and find her wiped out on the sofa complaining about how tired she was. He was pretty incredulous at first but soon realised there was something wrong.

I just wanted to tell this story because from his perspective (initially) she was being lazy when in fact there was something very serious going on medically.

But really to know whether or not he's being a lazy git or not you probably need to give us some more information. The situation as it is is very unfair on you and he needs to be proactive about it: ruling out any underlying issues and adjusting his lifestyle being top of the list. Otherwise it's going to wear you down and cause you issues with the stress and exhaustion of managing by yourself.

[GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr]

This does not sound right at all. Either he is ill, or just avoiding mucking in with family life.

Was he always like this? If so, how come you have chosen to have three children with him?

Is he overweigth? Drink a lot? Smoke? Does he work?

[kinkyfuckery]

It's certainly not normal behaviour for a young, healthy person to sleep away their days.

[catonlap]

Sleeping all day and all night? That is not right, there must be some reason for it.

Is he overweight/does he snore/any pauses in his breathing while he is asleep? Sleep apnoea can make people very sleepy in the day as their quality of sleep is poor and they end up not refreshed even though they sleep all night.

Depression can cause excess sleeping.

Anaemia, underactive thyroid and diabetes are other thoughts which could be ruled out on blood test.

[ChristmasFayrePhyllis]

Three things come to mind:

Either his sleep schedule has got totally messed up and he is sleeping through the day instead of through the night (but it sounds like he is sleeping for at least some of the night); or he has an undiagnosed medical condition of which excessive sleeping is a symptom, such as depression; or he is a lazy arse.

Can you see if he really is having a nap when he says he is? Or is he fiddling about on his phone or computer while you are doing all the work?

[BitchyHen]

So true AF. these men really do all follow the same script don't they?

[NeedlesCuties]

Does he work?

Does he spend quality time with the kids?

Does he treat you with respect?

If the answer is no, then you seriously need to give him a verbal boot up the bum.

[DefinitelyNotMe]

DP sometimes does this, it drives me insane, but he's on medication for a mental health problem. Having said that, 90% of the time he manages to get up when I need help with DD.