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Don't read; self indulgent whine. Very long and whingie(13 Posts)
Have NC-ed cause I want a big old snotty bitchy whine.
oH and I have had a crappy crappy year, lots of different reasons, work, money, and death in the families.
Anyway things started looking up the last few weeks, work contracts renewed, finally had a wee bit more than two ha'pennies to rub
we don't have DC so until a few years ago it was always us going to family with DC, (OHs family don't celebrate Christmas; mixed race/ religion relationship) so we were always expected to be my sisters house or travel abroad to Ma (can only afford to do this every 3-4 years). A few years ago I put my foot down and said I'm 30-ish I want to have Christmas morning in my own bed, drink fizz, have morning slight pissed sex, eat what/ when I/OH want and then sleep in my own bed.
Not, get up early to get to sis house, drink her version of Buck's Fizz that is 2mls of fizz and a gallon of warm OJ.
Only eat chocolate till 4 o clock; love chocolate but like something a bit savory too, and more to the point every time DSis will tell you how many weight watchers point she, you and the neighbours cat has eaten with each and every mouthful.
Then eat very dry turkey while Sis & BIL argue in the kitchen. The the rest of dinner will be dominated by eldest nephew who is lovely but please stop for a breath and shut your mouth when there's food in it. Please, you're clever and sweet and funny but close your mouth while chewing, oh and let your brother get a word in once or twice.
Then we have to watch whatever soap special is on, neither of us watch soaps so OH and I sit there politely sooooooo very bored. You cant read or do anything else, thats rude!
And then we have to play games, grand except BIL will always take it to seriously and get stressed/annoyed when the sugar high kids, slightly pissed DW, Me and OH treated it like a game ! !
Then we sleep on the floor, every year, we bring a blow up bed, every fucking year a massive deal is made out of the fact that a sofa will need to be moved about 10 cms to accommodate us.
Anyway my current point, God love you if you've made it this far.
So we've negotiated with DSis, we'll be over for dinner but we're not staying. There was actual tears over that.
(BTW DSis &BIL are normally lovely, Christmas seems to bring out the absolute worst in them)
Except all gone now all that careful negotion wasted, one of OHs aunties has died, yes I'm a heartless bitch.
OH comes from a culture where if you're female and over 40 you're called Auntie, if you ever lived in the same town you're Auntie, your grandparents and their grandparent lived in the same village you're auntie. So this very elderly poorly lady who has sadly died is of the lived in the same village as OHs Dads family.
And I'm sorry that a family has had a loss, but. . . OH has never met her, ever. No memory of the family at all.
MIL, while we have massive huge issues she has had a even crappier year, and this death seems to be the final straw and she wants to attend the funeral and all the events linked with it. This means OH driving her around for the next week, as I said her year has been worse so if she needs this support, fair enough. However due to our issues me being there would make things harder for her.
So this means, as I can't drive (medical reasons) I either get train to Sis on Christmas Eve, a pain in its self, sleep on the floor for 3nights end up in pain or spend it alone. (Sis lives in tiny village in the back of beyond)
And you know what, I want to have a massive tantrum, so that's what I'm doing here.
I can be reasonable and grown up and empathic but you know what, fuck that. I'm either going to be alone and present less on Christmas Day or in pain and pissed off.
(OH and I planned to mouch around town/ local villages over the weekend and buy each other presents, as we've both been working silly hours we really haven't had time to shop for each other before this)
I know it's only one day blah blah but for fucks sake can we not get a break?
And OH, I could cry for him too, he's so tired, he really needs time out, which is what we'd planned, other than the 25th we'd warned everyone we'd be very anti-social.
We were going to mouch, cook, sleep relax (shag like mad sex mad things) and now he's having to drive all over the country, no time to himself.
I can see the pure mental exhaustion in him, he as well as 'us' need some time.
I'm worried about him anyway, but in the back of my head was 'we have time out coming up' but that's gone now.
Come the 2nd, I know that seems very far away now, but the time will fly by, anyway on the 2nd we' ll be back to 16-18 hour days 6-7 days a week.
I apologise sincerely to anyone who has waded through this, but just getting it all out has made me feel a bit better. . .
Sounds like an absolutely standard family Christmas!! No one wants to see each other and be polite but we have to because its Christmas! Good luck - hope you get some couple time in it all. Maybe take a bottle of gin you help you through the most painful bits!
Develop a D&V bug. Doesn't matter whether they believe you or not. They can't prove anything.
Yes the standard nightmare British family Christmas blah di blah but you sound a bit more pissed off and stressed than most and you are ALLOWED TO SAY NO.
Seriously. Phone up Christmas Eve croaking about wall-to-wall vomiting. Paint red cross on front door. Deadbolts.
Another vote here for norovirus for both of you, it's very infectious so you won't be able to receive visitors for several days
Seriously, seriously do this. Your OH sounds fit to drop
Agree with the virus idea. You both sound like you need a good rest for a couple of days at least.
You need to sound plausible though so OP should come down with it first, perhaps starting tomorrow, followed by DP on Christmas Eve
Sounds like my idea of heaven
Life is too short to exhaust yourself pleasing everyone else.
If your DH and you both want Christmas your way, please do it your way. From what you've written here, it would be crazy to do otherwise.
Disregard the tears; it's sad that someone's upset but let's face it, you'd be upset if you did everything their way. Why does your upset count for less, just because you didn't openly cry?
Put yourself first and don't be so reasonable
Oh you poor love! Bloody Christmas and bloody families at Christmas! I'm with the norovirus idea, fabulous!!
I take it MIL has no DH around or other sons. Time for your OH to cut the apron strings.
Norovirus is the way to go!
I agree with the above
Sometimes you have to please yourself. Otherwise the resentment just builds and builds
I agree with everything that has been said. You are doing yourself no favours at all by being so accommodating.
Maybe you and DP need to spend some time together thinking about why you are so willing to put other peoples needs before your own (and more importantly, why other people are happy to encourage this).
Start getting used to saying the word 'no' (practice makes perfect )
Enjoy a lovely guilt-free Christmas together - sleepy Christmas morning sex sounds amazing x
Oh, you poor sausage. That's a very justified rant
It's easy for me to suggest (not knowing job/money circs) but can you organise a holiday for you and DH in the new year? A spa with an enormous bed, in the next county at least, maybe? You can have slightly pissed morning sex and eat chocolate/crisps/chocolate/crisps there, with a Do Not Disturb sign on the door
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