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Mixed messages.......going nuts

(327 Posts)
A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 15:53:08

Supposed to be on "a break" with bf. I know I know it probably spells the end.

He has a lot of issue: unemployment, illness etc.

I expected no contact but so far I've had texts every week calling my by his special nicknames for me and most recently a card and present left at my office for Christmas with a note in the card saying lets trust 2013 is a great year.

had enough of mixed messages


CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Wed 19-Dec-12 15:56:48

Who instigated the break? You?

A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 15:59:03


Thisisaeuphemism Wed 19-Dec-12 16:00:33

I would be pissed off. He really thinks he's got the upper hand.
What reasons did he give for the "break"

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Wed 19-Dec-12 16:01:54

So ignore him. To dump someone and then pay them loads of attention is very cruel and controlling. He's indulging in a fantasy that he's so irrestible that he can pick you up or drop you at will. That is not a nice person IME.

2013 will be a great year if you move right along and don't participate in his games.

A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 16:04:32

Death of a.close freind, loss of.job and he's.been in hospital

He checked out.during his problems arms.length. I lost my cool in the end unreasonably... but I'm human and.he.doesn't know how.he feels. wants to.get job etc.on track.

Thisisaeuphemism Wed 19-Dec-12 16:08:20

Hmm, but he clearly doesn't see you as a team. I would ignore him, concentrate on your own life for now. He might not be doing it intentionally but the result is that you are being left dangling. Not nice.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 19-Dec-12 16:09:29

I would chuck him for good for the sake of your own sanity.

A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 16:10:00

I've since asked him what is going on by text..... no reply.

We're doing brief and very friendly chit chat started by him and we're not acknowledging what happened at all.

I love him dearly but I have limits. knife in my heart every time.

Thisisaeuphemism Wed 19-Dec-12 16:11:19

Well done for requesting clarity. You deserve better than this.

OhLittleTownofWesternWind Wed 19-Dec-12 16:12:20

What was said when he suggested the break and how long were you seeing each other before this?

Tbh, it sounds like he has had a lot on his plate and could possibly be depressed, which does lead a lot of people to find it very difficult to keep relationships going. Does this sound possible? But he needs to be honest with you about what's' going on. Is there a time limit to the break when you are going to meet up and see how things are going or is it just indefinite? If the latter, I would suggest that you arrange to meet him, talk to him and find out what's going on.

That is, if you want to. You might not want to carry things on with him, not sure from your posts.

Good luck.

OhLittleTownofWesternWind Wed 19-Dec-12 16:13:05

Sorry, cross posted with your last messsage.

Ask him to meet and talk.

A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 16:19:30

Undoubtedly he has low mood. he wasn't the same when he got out of hospital. I tried to lift his mood but he is the type to withdraw from problems and not share.

its been 9 months. I have not initiated any contact. he started it. I've been breezy and up beat.

hoping this shows he.misses me.

Major red flags: no relationship lasting longer than this one.

I would like to work it out. and have him he was before he got depressed. he was.fine and.we were.great.

The more this goes on the more likely it is I won't take. him back.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Wed 19-Dec-12 16:24:05

So when he's having a bad time the answer is to ignore you and then 'have a break' (dump you) for good measure? And when you're having a bad time..... you're being unreasonable for saying so and then he pretends like nothing happened and everything is sweetness and light?

I wouldn't meet this man because he is seriously inconsistent. However many problems he has, there is no excuse for treating you like crap and messing you about. What happens next time his life goes a bit wrong? Will you be back on the dump list? Told you're being unreasonable again? Please find someone who is stable, together and treats you like a Queen..... this man is damaged goods

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Wed 19-Dec-12 16:26:03

"I tried to lift his mood but he is the type to withdraw from problems and not share. "

He's using you...

A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 16:30:22

The scary thing is he does not seem to appreciate the hurt this is causing me. really do think he has issues.

But I am a sucker for punishment. his whole life has gone: everything he used to do. I should have under stood that he couldn't devote time to me.

I still want ro see if he checks back in so any constructive comments?! I know I'm.setting myself up for heart ache

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Wed 19-Dec-12 16:37:39

He has issues and, if you're not careful, they will become your issues. All the time he's doing this text grooming business and you want to check in you're stagnating & being kept on a string. Constructive suggestion? Call a friend. Go out. Be busy. Delete his texts. You can do a lot better than him.

Guiltypleasures001 Wed 19-Dec-12 16:47:16

Op he is using you as his ego pick me up everytime he needs a top up of self esteem, he is leeching the emotional life out of you. Anyone worth their salt would completely detach from you to not hurt you, sort himself out and then make a fresh start if thats what you both want.

The problem here is your not part of his plan and not even being asked what you want etc, I would dump him before your last shred of sanity goes as well, he doesnt want you but isnt man enough or brave enough to let you go altogether, he is selfish.

A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 16:53:42

I'll just check out then?

Ignore or write him to ask him whats going on?

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Wed 19-Dec-12 17:06:17

Write back 'it's over' and then ignore. You're on a break at his instigation. You saying 'enough' should not come as a shock if he's got any sense. At the same time, have plenty of things to do & people to see so that you're not hanging there waiting for another text. When you say 'it's been 9 months' is that the length of the break or the length of the whole relationship?

A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 17:10:42

9 month relationship.

3 weeks into break. 3 days into it he contacted me.

AndrewMyrrh Wed 19-Dec-12 17:20:54

I wouldn't be arsed with him tbh.

If he wants a break, give it to him … permanently. Why should you be left dangling?

My Dad told me he 'wanted a break from his family' 5 years ago. Apparently he is pissed off that I haven't contacted him. hmm WTF.

Your situation resonates.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Wed 19-Dec-12 17:21:24

And do you have plenty to do and places to go over the Christmas season? Or are you thinking you'd rather be with him than alone at a New Year Party etc?

A1980 Wed 19-Dec-12 17:26:40

Something like that. I have nowhere to go over Xmas.

All I had to do was keep my temper and wait dorm.him to recover.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Wed 19-Dec-12 17:39:28

He contacted you after 3 days... he was never not recovered. Now he may not be as malicious or deliberate as that suggests - some people are natural born head-fucks - but I think it's his turn to do a bit of waiting don't you?

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