Hi there
I would just like some advice on how to deal with this please.
I have been friends with a married couple and their two children for most of my life (I am now in my 30s). Their oldest child is just a few years younger than I am. I've always been slightly closer to the husband, he's been like an Uncle to me and I have a lot of respect for him. He is a very shy man and finds it difficult to form friendships, so I have made a slightly greater effort to chat with him when I see him, and make sure he's ok (he suffers with depression).
He has told me this week that he is in love with me and that he thought I felt the same. I have recently become involved in a relationship with someone, and this has prompted my friend to tell me how he feels. I have never knowingly given him any indication that I viewed him as anything more than a friend/honourary family member. I don't flirt with him, don't spend time with him alone, don't text him unless he texts me and then it's only very basic stuff like I'm well thanks, how're you etc etc. I've always given him a quick hug hello and goodbye, which is how I greet most of my friends.
I have absolutely no romantic feelings towards him at all. I do care for him deeply, but ONLY as a friend. He wants to meet up with me on Sunday just to chat. He says he isn't going to do or say anything that makes me uncomfortable. But just seeing him will make me uncomfortable, knowing what I know now.
He is a truly lovely man, and would never deliberately hurt anyone. He hasn't suggested leaving his wife or us becoming involved. He has just said how he feels and that he thought I felt the same way.
I really don't want to hurt him any more than I have, as I have told him that I see him as a friend and nothing more. But I really don't want to meet with him. As I said, I would be very uncomfortable, but also I don't think it's a good idea for him, as if he has these feelings for me then seeing me would just make things worse, wouldn't they? But if I said I didn't want to meet him, he would be so hurt.
So, please could you give me some advice as to what you think I should do. Thank you so much!
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Very awkward situation
ClaraRadley · 19/12/2012 10:44
Crikey. Regardless of his shyness and depression, his advances to you are totally inappropriate. Please don't take it upon yourself to be responsible for his feelings. He has chosen to behave in this foolish manner. If he is old enough to have a child not much younger than you, then he is old enough to know better. I am afraid I would tell him I thought his behaviour was odd and creepy. Beyond that, I'm not sure what next steps. Hopefully others will be along soon. 
If I could offer one further bit of advice.... I would keep you response to him as simple as possible - tell him you don't feel the same way, and that you'd rather not meet him. That's it. Don't get sucked into any conversation about his life, or how he can make it happier, and especially do NOT discuss (or listen to) anything about how he could make things happier with his wife.
Many years ago I had a similar situation with a work colleague who was moving jobs and declared, out of the blue, that he was in love with me, and always had been 
. I was straight with him about my feelings (or lack of), but I then got sucked into listening to him while he talked about his life, his lack of hobbies etc. I think I listened because I felt sorry for him, and somehow responsible (even thought I wasn't), and because I was a 'nice' person, I didn't want to hurt him. But by doing so I was risking prolonging, and even deepening his emotional attachment to me, because it would have been easy for him to see me as 'the only person in the world' who listened to him properly. I nipped it in the bud very quickly, but I wish I'd stopped him in his tracks at the very first mention.
Hi all,
Thank you for your words of wisdom, all of you who have posted since my last message.
I sent him an email in response to his 'confession' stating that having thought things over, I didn't think it would be a good idea to meet and there would be no benefit for either of us. I made it clear again that I saw him as nothing more than a friend. I also added that he needed to concentrate on his marriage and stop thinking about me and wished him all the best.
I shan't contact him again, and have not responded to his latest email. He won't keep bothering me as he's not like that, so I think I can consider the whole thing dealt with.
I hadn't really thought about it being completely out of order of him to tell me these things at all, let alone when I've just started a serious relationship of my own. Guess I have a slightly too trusting/naive nature! 
SirCliffRichardSucksEggsInHell, I want to thank you especially for your extremely kind words. You've put a big smile on my face!! 
In my Extremely Important opinion 
, you're all great, just for taking the time to read my post and respond with excellent advice. I really appreciate you all doing so.
Hope you all have a good day xx
You did well. It's awful to have a cynical head on but sometimes you do need to question people's motives. Don't let it ruin your lovely nature though.
Have a great Christmas yourself
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