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In need if a little help wrt AdultWork

(78 Posts)
Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 19:50:49

Hi, I discovered on Friday night that my husband is a member of the website AdultWork. He asked me to read one of his emails as he was out and needed some info, when looking for the email I discovered an email saying his subscription to something was about to run out. I checked this out as have never heard of AdultWork before. I am furious with H! When he got back I gave him a bollocking and he said it was only porn and that he don't think it would bother me (I don't mind him watching porn).
I'm not an idiot and know this is not the same as regular porn and I'm not happy!
I am also rubbish with any kind of technology and was after a little help finding out what really went on. Some good mumsnet friends showed me to a recent thread about this and I have contacted a very kind mumsnetters who has also helped.
Basically he has subscribed to some profiles although these have now run out, the women he has subscribed to are all local to my area. I'm not quite sure what a subscription means.
Also he has been watching directcam things- is this simply watching or do you talk to/interact with these women?
I would appriciate the help as while all this has been going on I married the twunt and had our dc2- which has been very tough for me, and I am more than happy to leave if he has cheated. But obv I need proof as he won't admit to anything unless I have proof! He tried to deny any knowledge of the websites existence at first!!

Thanks

ObscuredByClouds Tue 18-Dec-12 20:02:47

Sorry to hear this OP. from what I understand, adult work is a contact site for prostitutes. Members can webcam or set up real life meetings with them. It isn't a porn site. So sorry.

Teeb Tue 18-Dec-12 20:12:25

It's a site where sex workers advertise themselves. If he's subscribed then he's been paying women to perform webcam 'shows' where it is possible for him to interact with the women. The site also has a feature where men, and the sex workers, can leave feedback for one another, very similar to the way ebay works. I'm not sure how you can find out if he has left anyone any feedback, do you have access to his profile/account?

The whole site is a very crude and distasteful operation to be honest with you. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it all op.

christmaswish Tue 18-Dec-12 20:14:31

It isn't porn - there are several free porn sites... there isn't porn on AW.

It is a site (as obscured pointed out), that prositutes advertise on.

If your DH has been in touch with girls in the local area, then I doubt it's because he wants to webcam, I'd bet my bottom dollar that he has met them.

My DH joined AW, he claimed it was to see the naked photos of a 19yr old reality show contestant, who was also a prostitute. She is on there, but eurgh!

I'm so sorry.

He is feeding you bullshit x

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:17:46

Thanks yes I can access account, I have changed the email address and password so he can no longer access it. I know his user name but as far as I can see he has no profile, no pictures, no emails, no feedback. I can see his credits history and who he has subscribed to.
I have strong suspicions he has met one of these women and just want to prove it. I have a phone number for one of the women he has subscribed to, she is very local and escort only. He subscribed to her in November and around this time he came home with some very nasty fingernail marks on his arm, he said his brother did them and I thought it was a bit odd, I wonder if maybe she did it? What are my chances if getting her to tell me anything if I ring....?

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:19:47

Sorry christmaswish x-post!

Teeb Tue 18-Dec-12 20:20:30

Hmm realistically I don't think she will want to engage with a possibly angry wife and will either hang up straight away or deny everything. I'm not sure if others would recommend doing this, but could you possibly send her a message on the site as if you were your husband, asking to 'meet again' and how you saw her some time in November, to see what kind of response she would give?

MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill Tue 18-Dec-12 20:21:06

She won't tell you, doubt she would even remember your husband after this time frame.

ObscuredByClouds Tue 18-Dec-12 20:22:25

What a horrible situation, ohcrud. I'm not sure how the whole thing works, or whether you'll have any luck wrt contacting the escort. Hopefully someone with more knowledge will reply soon. I'm very sorry this is happening to you sad

antisellyoulight Tue 18-Dec-12 20:24:04

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:26:17

Hmmm I thought she probably wouldn't want anything to do with it!! I also considered sending her an email from his account but thought she may just post a message back saying she remembers when she doesn't, also I think he would have contacted her by phone or text rather than through the website. I don't have access to his mobile account tho or I could check that I suppose.

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:26:53

Ant- thanks for thinking my heartbreak is advertising!

ObscuredByClouds Tue 18-Dec-12 20:27:02

antisellyoulite do you think this was posted to advertise AW?

badinage Tue 18-Dec-12 20:28:10

How many threads do we see with this sort of outcome, where the OP says she 'doesn't mind' her partner using porn? Porn's often just a gateway to sex with other people in real life.

Why do you need to know he's cheated? Of course he has had sex with a prostitute, but isn't it enough that he's lied to you and is paying for sex of some sort or another?

There's cheating - and there's paying for sex, which is in a whole different league.

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:28:22

Thanks obscured- your post made me cry I thought I was ok but I guess I'm not hmm

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:30:46

Badinage- maybe I am wrong but I think cheating is worse than paying for sex, but that's just my opinion. Anyway what's right and wrong to individuals isn't really the issue here I just wanted some advice on what I can do in my situation, and the kind words people are offering help massively too

ObscuredByClouds Tue 18-Dec-12 20:31:05

It must be a terrible shock. Has he ever done anything like this before?

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:33:15

Not as far as I am aware but I'm willing to accept that he probably has been doing this sort of thing for a while and I am just unaware!! hmm

badinage Tue 18-Dec-12 20:40:11

Wow, I think men who pay for sex are the scum of the earth and misognyist twats, whereas I think affairs are sometimes connections that get out of hand.

The point is, he is paying other women for sexual services. That's cheating, misogyny and financial infidelity rolled into one. He's also a liar. I just want you to examine why finding out he's actually had sex with one of them changes that picture at all?

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Tue 18-Dec-12 20:41:59

Don't take it out on the sexworker, please. Your husband's behaviour is his responsibility, not hers.

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:44:26

I guess that's the point in which I will leave him. It might not be right to others but that's it to me. Its not just meeting someone though I think if he is having webcam chats then its a deal breaker too as he may as well be physically doing it.
I think an affair is different in that it takes time and effort whereas a prostitute is discreet, no feelings, always going to have sex- nothing more.

Ohcrud Tue 18-Dec-12 20:45:33

There is no way I think it's her fault. It's her job. I wouldn't ring effing and jeffing just asking.

Fairenuff Tue 18-Dec-12 20:48:07

Your dh is cheating and using prostitutes. What more do you need to know?

Either you will accept it or you won't. How do you feel about it?

ObscuredByClouds Tue 18-Dec-12 20:49:38

So, would you be ok with him meeting with an escort? I'm a little confused, sorry.

Hoping you are ok. Do you have anyone who can support you in RL?

izzyizin Tue 18-Dec-12 20:49:47

Although this may seem to fly in the face of natural justice, it seems to me the only way you can view the case of a spouse/partner who has paid to join Adultwork or any similar site(s) is from the perspective of guity until proven innocent.

It would seem your h has been a member for some considerable time and the fact he's subscribed to the profiles of women who ply their trade in your area indicates that he has availed himself of their services either via webcam or in person.

I regret to inform you that lack of feedback or text/email messages on his/their part cannot be seen as evidence of innocence and you are best advised to have yourself tested for sexually transmitted diseases at your nearest GUM clinic.

Of course he's denying that he has engaged in anything untoward but, as he's effectively been caught with his pants down wallet out, his intentions speak as loud as anythiing he's been up to with ow - and I'd put good money on there having been more than one of them.

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