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getting things back on track

(6 Posts)
NinjaChipmunksGotBigBaubles Tue 18-Dec-12 14:12:58

I have been with dp for 15 years and we have 2 dc aged 5 and 5 months. Our sex life has essentially vanished and I would like to do what I can to try and bring the spark back to our relationship. I totally lost my sex drive when pg with ds, which then took a long time after he was born for it to come back, we decided to try for dd when ds was about 2.5 but she took the best part of 20 months to be concieved so there wasn't much in the way of shagging for fun, but there was lots of shagging iyswim? anyway, she's here and will be going into her own bedroom in the next few days which may help. I think maybe concentrating on myself (buying some new clothes and a bit of self grooming) might put me more in the mood but how then do I approach it? I feel a bit lost really as our connection and closeness seems to have disappeared and this is what I want to get back.
Life is a bit stressful due to lack of money from recent house move and me being on mat leave, hopefully I can pick up some more hours when I go back to help ease that part of things. We don't argue except about money (which is a whole other thread I should probably start) and are very comfortable with each other generally. But I want more than comfortable. And I don't know how to get from here to there. I'm waffling, someone help!

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Tue 18-Dec-12 14:23:24

How did you first get together? Sometime setting things up so that you can go back mentally to a time before all the stress of houses, kids, money etc. can be lots offun and a good way to relax with each other. Do you have anyone who can give you a full weekend of babysitting?... let you have a late night and a lie in? New clothes, grooming and feeling good about yourself are brilliant ways to rediscover your mojo but obviously it takes two to tango. No point you going the full Mata Hari if he's sat there like a sack of spuds. smile

NinjaChipmunksGotBigBaubles Tue 18-Dec-12 16:36:14

this is very true but I think both him and his libido would appreciate a little attention grin. will have a think re babysitters as unfortunately both his and my folks live quite s way away. I just feel that life has kind of got in the way and we need to step back and relearn to appreciate each other. we are crap at communicating and maybe that's half the problem sad

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Tue 18-Dec-12 16:40:59

Try the reminiscence thing if you are crap at communicating. It's often easier to talk about the past if the present is full of life getting in the way. The happy conversations that start 'do you remember that time we did such and such.. ?' can really open up pathways to the things you first found attractive in each other.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Tue 18-Dec-12 16:50:30

Another idea for the crap communicator seeking to revive their love life ..... flirty texting. People who aren't good at dropping inhibitions face to face are often surprisingly candid via text. smile

NinjaChipmunksGotBigBaubles Tue 18-Dec-12 17:00:23

now that I can do. thanks for the ideas. I think I shall put some of that into action over the next week or so.

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