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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do you leave

(8 Posts)
giraffeinascarf Mon 17-Dec-12 11:38:11

Hi Mumsnetters

I dont want to go into detail at the moment I am having a rubbish day but if I wanted to leave my OH what do I do?. How do you leave when everything seems so overwhelming and there is so much to sort out? I dont have savings but I will start saving asap. I live in a jointly rented house; i have our names (including his) on a housing list. I am not in any danger but I do think that I would be better off getting out sooner rather than later.

What else do I need to think of? I am organising documents so that they are in a safe place ready to get if needed. Should i pack bags and hide them just in case or would that be a bad idea? I dont know what to do. I have family support of a kind but I will have to do this alone really. My plan is to wait until Christmas; give myself time to organise things and then leave. My head feels a mess. So much stuff to sort out

giraffeinascarf Mon 17-Dec-12 11:38:49

p.s. have namechanged as I want to make sure my posts are not seen by him

Boozeandadietjinglebell Mon 17-Dec-12 11:43:38

When I left the only planning I did beforehand was to make sure I had somewhere to go, and enough money to tide me over without using joint accounts etc. I packed before I told him I was going. It sounds like you might need to go in a hurry at some point though? I left when I was ready and sorted, which took a few weeks.

It's a really hard thing to do, but ultimately you have to be entirely selfish and look after yourself. Be strong, but sensible - make sure you have everything you need when you go. Good luck.

izzyizin Mon 17-Dec-12 11:45:53

Do you have dc? If so and if, as you say, you're not in danger, have you asked him to live elsewhere?

If you have cause to be fearful of him or his reaction to you leaving, locate your nearest Women's Aid offices here www.womensaid.org.uk and give them a call.

giraffeinascarf Mon 17-Dec-12 12:11:09

Thanks for the replies.

Boozeandadietjinglebell- My ideal plan would be to go when we have a place to go to. I have my mum but she lives 300 miles a way and is in poor health. I need to organise something near by. In my head I think that if things get bad then I will have to just go. I am walking on egg shells all the time with him and he has a bad temper. I dont want to say much on here.

Izzyizin- I have children with him. I dont know if I could afford the rent by myself. I am working but looking for new jobs to make myself more financially stable. I dont think that he would leave. He heaps alot of emotional blackmail on me and he does this so that I will be too scared to leave. I have asked him to leave in the past and he has refused. I will look at womens aid link thank you. I do go on their website sometimes but I dont think my problems are important compared to what other people go through.

izzyizin Mon 17-Dec-12 12:32:07

Honey, please believe that if you are walking on eggshells around an abusive twunt, your problems ARE important and the welfare and wellbeing of your dc is being adversely affected.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Mon 17-Dec-12 12:51:28

Domestic Abuse takes many forms and emotional abuse is one of the most common and the most soul-destroying. You don't have to have a black-eye to be a victim. Second the idea to call Womens Aid. Good luck

giraffeinascarf Mon 17-Dec-12 13:21:46

Thank you for the replies. I am gathering all my strength&confidence to leave. I am just so exhausted of this. I feel so stupid to be in this position. I am just so overwhelmed. for? ages I have wanted to go but I get cold feet. this time it has to be different. I want to give my children the best lives&i want to be a good role model. he wears me down but I am stronger than he thinks

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