Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

So I've finally got the pension valuations and he's crying on the phone

(216 Posts)
KirstyWirsty Sun 16-Dec-12 18:28:16

Discovered STBXH's affair last new year .. Put him out and contacted a lawyer .. Got my own pension valuations by April .. Finally got his through last week

Our house was sold in August and DD and I have been living with my mum in a tiny house for the last 4 months .. I am desperate to get my own place

So the finances are being split 50/50 and he has £16k that he owes me off of his half of the house equity as his pension is worth much more than mine. And he was crying on the phone saying that if he fives me the £16k it will mean he won't be able to buy a house in as good an area for our DD7.. My mum thinks it is just emotional blackmail

He said that I earn more than him but he has more potential for promotion and is 4 years younger and so could take a mortgage over a longer period

Any views on this? He always makes me feel as though I am being unreasonable

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 06-Mar-13 08:01:25


KirstyWirsty Wed 06-Mar-13 07:58:33

My solicitor is picking up the pace now .. Minute of agreement is a typed up including clause that says that his solicitor should retain his half of the cost of the divorce so I don't need to chase him for it

She actually put in the covering letter that he should pay the full whack but I will pay half to get shot to speed things up

Skyebluesapphire Sat 02-Mar-13 01:42:23

Well done

Pilgit Fri 01-Mar-13 18:03:29

what a relief for you!

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 17:52:14

well done grin


Lueji Fri 01-Mar-13 14:00:17


MadAboutHotChoc Fri 01-Mar-13 13:58:28

About bloody time grin

KirstyWirsty Fri 01-Mar-13 13:16:21

Yeeee haaa!! The threat of court did the trick.. He has capitulated and is giving me the capital although 'he is not happy about it' (which makes it even more of a pleasure) grin

lubeybooby Fri 15-Feb-13 16:17:43

God. Don't ever, ever let him make you think you are wrong, you're not. In fact you're being very generous seeing as the split is more often 60/40 to main carer of the child

KirstyWirsty Fri 15-Feb-13 15:53:34

I know Lubey he i actually complaining that £60k isn't enough for him to put down a deposit!!! angry

lubeybooby Fri 15-Feb-13 15:09:40

Kirsty sorry only read half the thread but buying a house isn't essential. He can rent, there's nothing wrong with that at all. He'll have to rent while he saves, it isn't the end of the world. Don't let him grind you down

KirstyWirsty Fri 15-Feb-13 15:04:24

Well my solicitor has just sent the following (it's been a fortnight since we received offer of the pension share!!!

We refer to the above and MySols telephone call to your office.

Your client’s proposal to divide the sale proceeds of the house equally and thereafter to deal with matters by way of pension share are not acceptable to our client.

As your client is aware as a result of his conduct our client has had no alternative but to agree the sale of the matrimonial home. She now requires to provide accommodation for herself and for the parties daughter. She is not in a position to get the loan that she wishes for her daughter unless any balancing payment is paid by capital sum.

We would be obliged if you would ask your client to review the position and we would be obliged to hear from you within the next 7 days, failing which we will have no alternative but to raise court proceedings and to seek an order for a capital sum. Given the expense involved to both parties and the fact that the sum that your client requires to pay from his pension is not that significant we would hope that that would not be necessary.

In the event that your client is not prepared to settle the matter can you please take his instructions in relation to accepting service of a writ.

This letter will be founded upon should we require to proceed to court in relation to any issue of expenses.

Yours faithfully

KirstyWirsty Sat 02-Feb-13 08:21:32

Got an email from my solicitor yesterday .. He has offered pension share after dragging this out for 6 months!! We are going back looking for 4k less capital and a threat of litigation (including looking for costs) if not agreed

KirstyWirsty Thu 24-Jan-13 12:14:03

Jux I tried to get hold of my solicitor on Monday to discuss if that was a possibility and she sent me and email on Tuesday (see above) telling me she was in court all week so have not been able to speak to her

Jux Thu 24-Jan-13 08:18:34

On 30th December you said "I will give him til a week tomorrow" and then you would go for 60/40. With men like this you need to treat them like toddlers and carry out your threats.

At the moment he thinks that whatever you say will just be bluster, and that you won't do it, so he can safely ignore. Show him he's wrong.

KirstyWirsty Wed 23-Jan-13 21:56:26


KirstyWirsty Wed 23-Jan-13 21:56:06

Zen he doesn't have the money .. The equity from the house is sitting with the conveyancing solicitor until the settlement is agreed

KirstyWirsty Wed 23-Jan-13 21:44:25

Zen he doesn't have the money .. The equity from the house is sitting with the conveyancing solicitor until the settlement is agreed

ZenNudist Wed 23-Jan-13 19:50:08

I'm assuming that the pension valuation was done by an expert acting for you and ex jointly. This expert valuation is binding except in the case of fraud or manifest error. As there is no fraud then the only way your ex's sol can challenge is on the grounds of error. Even if it's not true it can be a delaying tactic which in the case of your ex allows him to a)keep his cash for longer and b)give him another chance to strong arm you into accepting less. If I were you I'd up my demands to 60/40 and still try and settle out if court. There is a reason why you are entitled to it! But I can see you are determined to just get it over & done with which is very good of you.

Lueji Wed 23-Jan-13 12:19:45

fingers crossed too. smile

KirstyWirsty Wed 23-Jan-13 08:10:51

Jux I am still happy to take 50/50 .. am not wanting the hassle - just want it sorted and to be able to move on with my life

Fingers crossed that is the last quibble and it can be tied up soon .. then I can divorce the dickhead!

Jux Wed 23-Jan-13 08:06:47

Your solicitor sounds good, and quite determined. I suspect that privately the other solicitors are a bit fed up with your dh, except every query he has means more dosh for them.

Hope you get your 60/40 split, and it all ends soon. There's only so much your ex can mess about with in the face of an opposing solicitor who won't take any shit before he risks being simply vexatious.

KirstyWirsty Tue 22-Jan-13 22:56:18

Also had confirmation from another family lawyer ( another friend of a friend) that my solicit is correct re pensions although they don't seem to be wanting to go down that path thankfully

KirstyWirsty Tue 22-Jan-13 22:54:27

Got this from my solicitor today

Dear KW


I refer to the above and to your call to the office yesterday. I am due to be out at court for the next few days.

I confirm that I have had a request from your husband’s solicitors who appear to think that there was an error in the valuation that was provided to them by your company . There was not an error. I also told them the date your contributions commenced and explained the apportionment I had carried out. I did not initially provide them with a copy of the covering letter from Your company as it made reference to your earlier pension and I was trying simply to exclude any reference to that albeit we had disclosed it existed.

They appear however to be content to restrict their claim to the pension that was during the period of the marriage and on that basis I have now faxed them over a copy of the covering letter which confirms the date that you started your pension contributions as detailed in my letter to them of 10th December and therefore they should now be able to satisfy themselves about the apportionment. I am unclear as to why they think the valuation was wrong but it appears that your husband has indicated to them that there was an error in the valuation.

Kind regards,

Yours sincerely

Your solicitor

Hopefully this will be agreed soon!! The flat I liked has been taken so maybe fate and this is all going to be sorted <snorts .. Yeah right!>

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now