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Family scapegoat :( Longish....

(10 Posts)
RudeolfsHappyFlapper Sat 15-Dec-12 22:24:06

Not sure about today, maybe I was over sensitive? I'll try and explain as objectivily as possible..
Today I met up with my pg sister, her two boys (2 & 4yo) my mother & stepdad. I love them, I do.
We decided to meet up for Xmas at a Brewers Fayre pub. Organised for weeks. I spoke to my sis last night on the phone & told her I'd be at the entrance of the bus station. I had a 2hr journey (both ways) She had an hour drive. I stupidly assumed she'd be picking me up in her car & taking me to the venue. She was waiting for me on foot around the corner from where I told her I'd be. MY mistake was I didn't text her when I landed. Fair enough! It got to 20 mins with me and my 2yo waiting in the effing freezing cold when I text her. blahdeblah.. When we finally met up I was a bit biscuit She was laughing her tits off about my total dumb dizziness. Fair enough (I Am) But she didn't effing stop, just went on & on & on & on, No recognition of any fault from her..
Anyhow, roll on an hour at the Brewers Fayre, my mother turns up. In her usual jumping to the wrong conclusion way. I was doing my best to be upbeat and smiley. Everything I done warranted another 'look at her, look at her' lolololol.....
It got to the point when step dad started taking the mickey about my home hair dye job, I was asked if it's because I've got grey hair. I said no, I just wanted another mad hippy look, but yes I do have a few strands. No one listened, just carried on lolling. My mother started trying to joke with me straight faced, that I was being paranoid. I'm like WTF, & totally mute..
They must of realised they went too far, fuckers..

almostgrownup Sat 15-Dec-12 23:40:55

Sorry you feel you are being laughted. Is this typical of your family get-togethers, that they have a laugh at your expense?

Llcc Sat 15-Dec-12 23:42:53

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CraigyG Sat 15-Dec-12 23:48:45

I dont get it, they laughed because you have grey hair or because you dye it?

queenofthepirates Sat 15-Dec-12 23:55:33

I have to don a flack jacket to spend time with my family. Next time, give as good as they give you, don't let them bully you!

TBH, they probably don't know how much they've upset you but perhaps thought you were harder than that. Don't let them get to you.

jingleallthespringy Sun 16-Dec-12 00:34:22

Whether they know or not it's not acceptable. My family are like this with me. I don't see them any more. I don't know what you can do because they've been doing it for so long that they truly think it's normal. It isn't normal, you and I know that from painful experience, but I honestly don't think there is anything much you can do to stop them. It's all very well to say 'stand up to them' but when you've been bullied by them your entire life (?) it's hard to find the words. I so identified with you when you said you were 'totally mute' . That's what endless bullying does to you. I wouldn't bother with them iiwy (easy to say...) and I would definitely get some therapy. Stuff like this goes deep and causes a lot of damage.

CraigyG Sun 16-Dec-12 14:20:42

Your family members pick on you? For what reason,should be the one group of people that dont pick on you because you are fat or grey or however ugly you may look.
Tut tut, karma is jopefully around the corner.

CreepyLittleBat Sun 16-Dec-12 21:08:18

Hmm...well the only bright side I can see in this is that you live two hours away from them. I second jingle - see if you can get some therapy to raise your self esteem, because it sounds like this hideous family of yours have completely ground it down. A joke is only funny if everyone's laughing. They sound like a bunch of bullies and I can only hope you have nice people around you where you live, to boost your confidence back up. You don't deserve this crap!

RudeolfsHappyFlapper Mon 17-Dec-12 21:31:37

Hi, thanks for your replies thanks
I'm sure they were mainly trying to be funny & not trying to upset me, but it so embarrassing being singled out as the eccentric one. The only time there was real tension in the air was when I pulled up my step father over the comment about my hair. Him..'' WHAT have you done with your hair?'' Me.. 'Maybe you should try doing something with yours..'' I am over sensitive about it because I cut it (mn haircut) & dyed it myself, I'm sure that's understandable..
It's my mothers strange reaction which upset me the most, completely straight faced, which did make me feel paranoid & she just wouldn't shut up about it. Thanks for the compassion and understanding woman hmm She certainly wasn't (& still isn't) the most positive influence in my life! She's so critical of my laid back approach to parenting, I'm the complete opposite to her way.. She held me back with her paranoia, never let me feel free. She admits she has MH problems, whilst being completely self righteous and arrogant. She refuses to see her faults and that she might actually be wrong and jumping to the wrong conclusions all the time, maybe deep down she knows and that's why she hates herself so much. She doesn't even realise she's projecting her guilt onto me, my ds is the best thing that's ever happened to me! He wont end up another product of cognitive dissonance.
I am seriously considering keeping my ds away from this strange abusive family of mine. I'd be completely heart broken if their influence encouraged ds to join in with the OH SO clever piss taking!
At least where we're living is a beautiful haven on the north norfolk coast, & yes, we have met some lovely people. Only been here since Oct this year, looking forward to the first of many happy Xmas's smile

jingleallthespringy Tue 18-Dec-12 17:35:48

ime your kids do pick it up. How could they not? It's in the air they breathe. YOu make a big deal of saying you are 'eccentric' and, again, I relate to that. But I'm not 'eccentric', I'm just not mad and disordered like my family. It's them who are eccentric - actually, mad, insane, cuckoo, bullies, weak etc (that took £1000s of therapy to say that... to quote Richard Gere...). I heard of a woman who had said to her 'you're too much for me!' and she replied 'well, you're not enough for me!'

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