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disrespectful attitude?

(8 Posts)
notMrsRobinson Sat 15-Dec-12 09:20:29

DH came home last night from an evening drinking with friends, which he doesn't do too often, I picked him up from the pub around midnight, he was a bit drunk but not unreasonably so. Our DS is home from uni, he is in second year, and had some friends around last night. DH stopped in to talk to them for a while, I went up to bed. An hour or so later he came up to be and told me that they'd been talking about how attractive I was (?! not a stealth brag, I'm fine for my age and a few lbs overweight but that's not the point) and said that they had 'rated' the mothers and there was only one who was more attractive than me. Now I am sure that this discussion was entirely prompted by DH, NOT the kids. I told him immediately that I didn't want to hear about that and didn't appreciate that sort of talking.

I am cringing as I write this but not sure whether I should brush it under the carpet, just a bit of drunken banter, or address it. He thinks that I should appreciate the fact that he still finds me attractive and I'm a bit conflicted (being a vain woman) as I do want to be found attractive but don't appreciate being talked about, I'm sure they do this at the pub and I could excuse it (seeing as I know nothing about the pub banter) but bringing DS into it just isn't on.... yikes.

There have been times when he has made it clear that I haven't measured up, looks-wise, and he is very cold to me. BTW he is not good-looking at all.

DS is a lovely caring boy who sees his dad as a bit of a harmless (for the most part) PITA, he has a lovely GF and I've never seen him be anything less than totally respectful to her. Think he has the sense to ignore his dad.

Just wanted to write it down, not easy but I am wondering... no, I'm sure, that this is another sign of him being an emotional abuser... and not sure just how to go about extracting myself from this relationship after so many years.

Casmama Sat 15-Dec-12 09:26:46

This is horrible. I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable about it and I suspect you son and his friends probably did too. My initial reaction was definitely talk about it but it sounds like this maybe another nail in the coffin.
Do you want to separate?

GrimAndHumourlessAndEven Sat 15-Dec-12 09:28:52

I would like to know more about the times when your DH makes it clear that you haven't measured-up, and about his coldness towards you

HollyBerryBush Sat 15-Dec-12 09:32:08

I'd like to know why your DS thinks his father is a harmless PITA.

It doesn't seem like any of you have any respect for each other.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sat 15-Dec-12 09:33:07

Sounds like your DH was trying to be 'down with the kids' engaging in a bit of blokey banter. Pretty cringeable to discuss relative hotness of mums is in front of your own son.... hmm Not at all sure why he'd then tell you about it. Did he think you'd take it as a compliment or do you think he was deliberately trying to make you feel awkward?

From the outside it sounds embarrassing but not terminal. However, if this is the tip of a bigger ice-berg and things aren't going well in general then maybe you should be looking for ways to get out. Solicitors are an excellent source of practical advice, for example. Knowledge is power.

notMrsRobinson Sat 15-Dec-12 09:43:45

Thanks all... knew I could get some perspective on this. Yes Cogito I think it was exactly that, blokey banter-- embarrassing for him in retrospect but the kids have no doubt seen it for what it is. Seem to recall they were talking about 'The Inbetweeners' which is actually pretty raw for kid's entertainment. I'm not really offended and am not going to doing anything drastic... there is an iceberg there but I have got to go out now! It's the disrespect I am concerned about but not sure that this was exactly a deal-breaker...

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sat 15-Dec-12 09:54:45

I'd challenge him on it in the cold light of day. He behaved like a fool and he overstepped several marks by the sound of it. I know a fifty-one year-old that enjoys The Inbetweeners ... hmm Some don't like to admit they're not twenty any more! Thankfully, he has other more commendable attributes. smile

For the rest, you don't have to do anything drastic but it never hurts to explore the alternatives and stay informed. Keep your options open.

scaevola Sat 15-Dec-12 09:56:52

Oh, it's cringy and what I'd expect of teens not grown men.

Perhaps a little revenge? Get a tape measure out, and tell him all the mothers are going to compare length of penis of the group. Might make him realise how crass it is.

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