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What to do when you have your heart set on someone or have a crush?

(7 Posts)
Aussiebean Thu 13-Dec-12 08:32:59

Then maybe it would be better if you don't date for a while and get another counsellor. There is no shame in shopping around til you find one that can help you.

You said yourself that you don't actually know if he even has a girlfriend, yet you ask us how to get over him, not what is the best way to find out.

Get help. Dont let one bastard man stop you from seeing the great ones right in front of you.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 13-Dec-12 08:20:43

Hi all. Trouble is I always start fancying them and THEN find out they are attached by which time it's too late and then I am smitten.
I do know why I probably doing this; subconsciously I don't want to be abused like my ex did; he almost killed me and I equate all relationships with being abused and controlled. sad Done councelling etc. Didn't work.

Aussiebean Thu 13-Dec-12 01:26:10

You also may want to think about why every person you are interested in is unavailable.

I had a friend who only ever went out with someone who was leaving, or about to move. And he complained the exact same as you. And I asked him why he only dated girls who were leaving. He had no answer.

It might be something to think about. Why are you only going for guys who are unavailable. and forcing yourself to date others who you could have a relationship with

joanofarchitrave Wed 12-Dec-12 23:57:29

Why are you forcing yourself to date? Dating is supposed to be fun (allegedly, I hate it myself). If you don't like it, don't do it.

If I like someone who has a partner, I allow myself to think of them as much as I like, but I only let myself 'see' images of them with the partner. Make one up if you don't know who theirs is. Think of them shopping together, unblocking the toilet, cutting their toenails, lots of ordinary stuff.

If I don't allow someone I know to be my friend on FB, it's because I don't want them to know the details of my life. I would think that you are right that he has at least one girlfriend, quite possibly more than one, and is probably prepared to let you join their ranks. Alternatively he is just a private person, behaving in a friendly way. If he were interested, IMO you would know about it in a much more natural way.

I would just wait it out, tbh. Enjoy the extra spark of fancying someone and after a while you will stop noticing him so much. These things always go away.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 12-Dec-12 23:50:49

The trouble is I see him a lot at work which prevents me moving on.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 12-Dec-12 23:50:20

BTW; I am not 100% certain he has a gf but I have an inkling.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 12-Dec-12 23:49:34

But it isn't happening. I am held back as when I really like someone then I don't really feel like chasing anyone else. I am forcing myself to date but the guy I really like has a gf. I am pretty sure that he likes me as he stares at me at work, has approached me in nightclubs and generally gives me the best vibes/smiles but I am sure he has a gf. I have asked him to be a friend on facebook and he has hasn't befriended me; what can the explanation be if he is giving me such good vibes? I would never bust them up but I can just tell he fancies me; not enough to end it with her though. Story of my fricking life. I am pining but forcing myself to date nontheless. Why is this all so fricking hard? I am not one of these people who wants a man for the sake of it. I just want someone who I really fancy and like and everytime I find such a person they are attached/not interested/ live too far away. I don't have much faith in love atm but I can't let go of my dream of finding a mate as I am a hopeless romantic.

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