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Does anyone else feel they are not likeable or loveable?

(8 Posts)
Notcontent Mon 10-Dec-12 10:37:26

Sorry, this is a bit self-indulgent but I am having a bit of a difficult time.
I became a lone parent a few years ago, after my husband left me with a small baby. I had a horrendous couple of years but then things started getting better. However I am having a bit of a crisis at the moment.

Basically I feel quite alone and have started thinking that maybe I am just not a very likeable person. I am not from the UK originally so I don't have family or old school/uni friends here. I have made a few friends but it's really just a handful. In try to to be happy, but I am suddenly tired of just enjoying the small things in life... I just heard from an old friend (who is not in the UK), exchanging news, and she was telling me how she recently had a big party for a big birthday, etc. I would not have enough friends to invite to a party!!

It got me thinking that perhaps I am just not a very likeable person. I have some friends I made through work. There are maybe 2 or 3 school mums that I talk to but they are not really friends...

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Mon 10-Dec-12 10:44:34

If you're a fairly private person NEVER compare yourself to the people who seem to have a fabulous social circle and massive parties to go to smile Similarly don't compare yourself to people with oodles of cash or flashy posesssions if you don't have much. The way to true happiness is to make the most of the hand you've been dealt, rather than wish you had someone else's cards. It really is about enjoying the small things.

Rather than assuming you are unlikeable, if you'd like more friends make an effort to get out there and meet people. Invite your 2 or 3 school mums over for coffee, perhaps?

booge Mon 10-Dec-12 10:47:07

Hi I didn't want to read and run. We all feel like that sometimes, I know I do. We have recently made new friends a sports club. It sounds old hat I know but joining a club where you make friends you share an interest with is a great way to widen your social circle. Don't believe you're unlikable it's just hard to make new friends as a adult and I bet it's even harder when you are a single mum.

RamblingRosa Mon 10-Dec-12 10:51:01

I know how you feel. DD has asked me a few times recently if I have any friends sad I do have friends but I guess I'm not as sociable as she is (she's only in Reception!) and I'm quite a private person. As Cogito says, if you're naturally private and/or introverted, there's no point comparing yourself to someone really outgoing or extroverted.

I sometimes feel like I should change and make more of an effort to be sociable but then I remember that I'm naturally quite quiet and private and I couldn't cope with constantly having a house full of people of throwing big parties. I find that kind of thing really stressful. I need a lot of time on my own (not that I ever get it these days!).

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Mon 10-Dec-12 10:53:14

People often write in about being lonely, in your case you wonder if you are not likeable which is a step further. Please don't merge the two, it probably comes down to the number of individuals you come in contact with, not a personality defect on your part.

Being shy can be a handicap if you meet plenty of people but never seem to click. Having a limited social circle is as tricky. I don't know what opportunities you have to broaden your contacts but work, school, voluntary work and church could offer possibilities.

I do know the older I get the fewer really good friends I have, a lot are better than acquaintances but in a crisis? sharing a special moment? probably 4 at best within easy reach.

LesserOfTwoWeevils Mon 10-Dec-12 11:27:16

All the time! To the point where I can't offer any helpful advice because I'm struggling myself.

Notcontent Mon 10-Dec-12 14:20:36

Thank you ladies.
I think deep down I know that I am not particularly unlikable, but it's really more all to do with the difficulties of making new friends as a grown up.
Unfortunately I am very prone to comparing myself to others!!! I will try to do better...

russianreubles Mon 10-Dec-12 16:01:51

Have you looked at meetup.com or citysocialising.com as a way to meet new people? While people meet others through hobbies, the advantage of these groups is that there are some where everyone is there primarily to meet new people, and the activity is secondary. So you don't waste your time trying to make connections with people who already have a full and busy social life and really are just at the activity for the activity itself.

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