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Am I not trying hard enough?

(105 Posts)
AzureBlue Fri 07-Dec-12 14:03:27

After 23 years of marriage, 4 kids, 14 months of counselling (which we have recently stopped) I find I just do not want to be with my husband any more. But he says all I need to do is think more positively and make little moves like touching him or sending a loving text and it will all be OK.
I would really like to be in love with him as I cannot see how we can ever afford 2 places to live, and the children will not have two parents to care for them together.
How do you fall in love with someone? He is a good person.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Fri 07-Dec-12 22:29:29

ooo, deeep

but yeah, cogito speaka da sense

Flisspaps Fri 07-Dec-12 22:31:12

Sounds to me like you've tried plenty hard enough.

Are you happy OP? Your children are at Uni, grown up. You don't need to stay together 'for the kids' (no-one does)

You only have one crack at life. Isn't it time to do what makes you happy? If being with your husband isn't it, then leave. If its not working you'll both be bloody miserable - what's the sodding point in that?!

olgaga Fri 07-Dec-12 22:31:41

You really don't have to live the rest of your life like this OP. You want a divorce. He knows you want a divorce. How about you do a bit of research into the practicalities?

Unfortunately my revised separation and divorce advice post will no longer fit into the space allowed here - but you can always take a look at my blog. I only set it up today, and it has all the info I usually post here. At the mo it's awaiting Mumsnet "approval" to join the MN bloggers network.

Have a look at the advice and do the sums. It may not be as bad as you think!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Fri 07-Dec-12 22:33:17

Blimey, olgaga

You is soon gonna be a nauthor smile

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Fri 07-Dec-12 22:41:18

AF... after a couple of Harvey's Bristol Creams I have hidden shallows....

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Fri 07-Dec-12 22:46:33

< clinks glass of port with cogito's sherry >

olgaga Fri 07-Dec-12 22:51:50

AF Yeah guv I gotta do something to keep me in Old Speckled Hen smile

OP, apologies for our slight diversion. We are paying attention, I promise.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Fri 07-Dec-12 23:04:39

oh yes, OP we are certainly paying attention

the second you post again, we are right there with ya

WantToMakeThingsRight Sat 08-Dec-12 12:24:54

How do you fall in love ....he's a good person. FFS get a grip you are asking strangers for advice on your 23 year relationship you have 4 kids with this man..please don't listen to the bad advise being given to you from lifeless people talk to your husband you know that is what you need to be doing

Only continue listening to this utter tosh that unloved feminists are giving out if you want to be brainwashed into splitting up

Believe me depressed people hang out with depressed people chink a few more glasses like wtf lack of a real life equates to spending their life here believing they are giving good advice what a joke

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sat 08-Dec-12 12:35:33

" I just do not want to be with my husband any more."

Which part of the sentence confuses you WantToMakeThingsRight? Do you think reaching the conclusion after 23 years of marriage, 4 kids and 14 months of counselling that she can't find anything in their DH to love any more was easy for the OP? To me it sounds heavy with regret but fundamentally honest. She deserves respect for that.

It's not an 'unloved feminist' matter, it's one of basic humanity.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 12:50:58

< falls lifelessly to the floor >

< surveys my cat-ridden, sour and depressingly alone environment >

You are right, Want. I urge other women to find happiness on their own account and not let men drag them down because I am actually jealous of their fabulous relationships.

Oh, wait....

WantToMakeThingsRight Sat 08-Dec-12 12:57:12

Keep on reading between the lines she clearly states I would really like to be in love with him

Congo you spend your life on here trying to convince people to leave their partners may I ask just how many success stories do you have to tell

Try to keep things on track and don't try to take this personally

WantToMakeThingsRight Sat 08-Dec-12 12:59:50

Anyfucker please tell me your not cogos bitch sorry did not really mean that

You give such good advice

WantToMakeThingsRight Sat 08-Dec-12 13:06:15

Olgaga where in the post does she say she wants to divorce

I think if you actually bother to read it properly you will see that on numerous occasions she says she wants to love him

What ever happened to people working together to make a marriage work

I have or go I have a real life to attend unlike some of the notso a advisors here

olgaga Sat 08-Dec-12 13:07:11


unloved feminists

Hey that's half right there! Well done. Better than your usual stuff. Like this.

Just so we all know where you're coming from!

Or maybe this:

Men are not cleaver they think the way to make a woman happy is to have more sex men see that as a clear indicator that everything is fine in a relationship.

A bit of a generalisation there but I can't argue with the first four words, although the spelling needs work.

You're consistent though, I'll give you that.

olgaga Sat 08-Dec-12 13:08:50

Hey "Congo", did you namechange from Zaire?

WantToMakeThingsRight Sat 08-Dec-12 13:12:02

Sorry did not realise that spelling was so important

So you can finally see where I am comming from that is great news

Now perhaps you will see that people can and do change

And being told leave the bastard all the time is not the perfect solution

WantToMakeThingsRight Sat 08-Dec-12 13:13:06

People hiding behind other names why do that unless you really do have something to hide

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 13:13:22

WantTo you have much to learn, dude

The proper shit stirrers on this forum namechange to have a go at other posters, or else their agenda becomes crystal clear. Even then, you have to have a fair modicum of intelligence to not get caught out.

HTH smile

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 13:14:50

WantTo did you finally manage to bully and browbeat your wife into taking you back ?

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sat 08-Dec-12 13:17:03

"Congo you spend your life on here trying to convince people to leave their partners"

If you mean I take the time to reassure women trapped in miserable, unfaithful or abusive relationships that, if they choose to end it, they are not the devil incarnate... guilty as charged. I consider it a success whether people go on to work out their differences or go their separate ways. It's only a failure when nothing changes for the better.

WantToMakeThingsRight Sat 08-Dec-12 13:17:13

Anyoldfucker I could,have name changed but I have nothing to hide just pissed off with the advice given out here always the same old same old

olgaga Sat 08-Dec-12 13:17:33

Yeah I think we can all see where you're coming from Want. So don't feel you need to waste any more time coming here.

Honest! grin

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 13:18:55

I take that's a "no" then. Good for her.

WantToMakeThingsRight Sat 08-Dec-12 13:19:35

Any ducker not like that at all so your saying thAt people cannot change you know nothing about me so don't even try

Just like you have done in the past with anyone else that bothers to stand up to your crap you make things personal you need to get a life

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