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Think (D)H is having an affair. Should I confront or gather evidence first?

(55 Posts)
moobrain Thu 06-Dec-12 21:46:54

Over the last few months DH has become surgically attached to his phone - slips it in his pocket whenever he leaves the room. He had recently got an iPhone so initially thought he was just keeping it protected from DD who loves a phone.

However bided my time and I know it's naughty but earlier this week he left it unattended so I looked. There is a friend of his that he has texted 4-5 times every day. Nothing totally incriminating but very jokey and most nights there is a 'night night you' text which is inappropriate I think. She is married and lives 90 mins or so away so really don't think there is an scope for physical action except for one night when he met her for dinner at a hotel (pre me seeing the texts and I've always trusted him 100% so nothing to worry about I thought). However I do not know what time he came home - 2am he says but I was asleep when he got in (as I knew he would be late).

Even an emotional affair is too much for me to tollerate. Should I wait and assume he will slip up and I'll see a more 'sexual' text or would you confront now and risk him deleting anything cos he knows I'm suspicious.

I will divorce him if he is cheating

moobrain Sat 08-Dec-12 17:01:48

I have an iPod touch? Could I get the App on that? Although it only works when I have wifi (ie at home) so might not be that informative,

AfishhCalledElvira Sun 09-Dec-12 12:32:42

I have no idea if you can get apps for that. I can link my DHs iPhone ( and mine) to my iPad and it tracks where we are via the app. I think there are other apps that do similar ( aimed at people who lose their phone or have them stolen). It even shows up when the phone is off we discovered. Great if you both have nothing to hide! Am sure someone who knows more than me can confirm tho?

AfishhCalledElvira Sun 09-Dec-12 12:33:18

My iPad only works when I m at home too as its connected to the wifi too

TwoFacedCows Wed 19-Dec-12 00:52:25

how is it going OP? any update?

MissDiscombobulated Thu 20-Dec-12 01:12:35

I would (and did), bide your time and wait for evidence. As hard as that is, it will make your decision easier if you do find out that he is having EA or PA. I was in the same situation with an ex. My gut instinct from the start was that all was not right and I did confront him on some issues only for him to deny everything and charm me into thinking I was the only one. I became the private investigator and eventually caught him out. I was madly in love but the decision to leave was very easy. Sadly it has stayed with me into next relationship and I have major trust issues (and have been known to snoop)
It doesn't help that OH is a flirt, watches porn, checks out other women and has in the past lied to me. I might be able to handle all of this better if I had half of the self-esteem I used to have.
I hope it turns out for you to be benign. The waiting and watching consumes you and I really do feel for you.

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