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Lovely men; I just don't fancy them!

(12 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Wed 05-Dec-12 21:27:27

This happens to me so often. A guy will like me; often a nice guy but I will just not fancy them. People will say "Oh but he's lovely" or "It will grow" or "Chemistry isn't important" or worse: "You will grow to love them." Am I being really shallow when I think I have to fancy them to make a go of it; being a nice guy isn't enough.
It's not even to do with looks. I do fancy a lot of pretty boys but a particularly intense crush was on my college professor who was a bit of a minger and very short but I fancied him as he was so intelligent and becauuse of the sheer force of his personality. Is this normal or should I give some of these nice but no chemsitry types a go? Also why is it that men who fancy me I often don't fancy and men who I fancy are unavailable or aloof? Not always; this summer I met a man who was lovely, I got on with and fancied the pants off. The distance was too much aggrr!
My handy man keeps asking me for a drink and he's a nice guy but there is no way I want to shag him.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 05-Dec-12 21:28:12

And then I do that thing where I try to imagine us in bed together and it's like ewwwwww; but not because they are horrible people.

HollyBerryBush Wed 05-Dec-12 21:31:42

Do you think you have qualities that attract men, lonely or otherwise?

superstarheartbreaker Wed 05-Dec-12 22:01:08

I have no idea.

baublesandbaileys Wed 05-Dec-12 22:06:59

don't do it! chemistry is so important

at one point I thought like you did that I should see if it'd "grow" with the "nice" ones I didn't fancy, well for one they didn't turn out to be any nicer than the ones I did fancy and were just as likely to mess me about once I actually went out with them properly

and no it didn't grow!

and how would you feel if you found out that someone went out with you because you on paper would be "good for them" but they didn't fancy you! not nice I'd imagine!

dequoisagitil Wed 05-Dec-12 22:07:33

If you always go for unattainable men, the it sounds like you have isshoos - perhaps fear of being emotionally intimate or vulnerable with someone? In which case, you might want to do some counselling or otherwise reset yourself, work through why that is.

Do I think you should try out guys who don't set your motors running in the meantime? No.

What you deserve is to find someone attainable and who you feel a chemistry with. Don't settle for one without the other.

baublesandbaileys Wed 05-Dec-12 22:07:54

oh and (so long as you're not currently on the pill), chemistry is your body telling you that if it did work out, you are more likely to be genetically compatable if you end up having kids!

superstarheartbreaker Wed 05-Dec-12 23:04:46

I won't go for the non-fancy guys. There is a guy at work who I fancy and I'm pretty sure he likes me as he chatted me up in a nightclub once. I kissed him on the cheek but no snogging. I think he mighthave a gf. Not married but he keeps staring. Agggggrrr! In the mean time I have met a few men who just seem to want sex.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 05-Dec-12 23:05:10

And the handy man is angling for a drink but no; nothing there for me.

Justreadthefuckingwords Thu 06-Dec-12 01:38:41

I'm guessing you're young Super.

Don't worry about the 'nice' guys.

Go for the ones that make your pants fall down (but only if they're free), & only if they're fucking fabulous.

They do exist.

GemsAngels Thu 06-Dec-12 14:45:33

Ha just postd something like this (but Im not that young) Please tell me where the fabulous ones are, the available fabulous??

Wecanfixit Thu 06-Dec-12 21:10:24

Dont worry like the other posts advise , go for the guy who makes your legs weak at the knees , as long as he is free and available , NEVER settle for second best because that is what these nice guys would feel like to you and you would end up resenting them, good luck happy hunting!

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