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laughing (accidentally) at verbal abuse - normal?

(19 Posts)
desparatelyseekingsomething Tue 04-Dec-12 22:09:58

Last night oh was shouting at me and really angry (trivial reason) and I found it really hard not to laugh - not because I found it funny - almost like laughing as a child when told off by teachers - is this normal? (Obviously it didn't go down well with oh)

ClippedPhoenix Tue 04-Dec-12 22:16:42

Well, no it's not normal really in a healthy relationship, why was he shouting at you? what did he say?

Dragonwoman Tue 04-Dec-12 22:21:26

Yes, some people do this - its a nervous laugh, doesn't mean you find it funny. Tends to really enrage the shouter though. My uncle used to do this at school when threatened with the cane (long time ago). He has actually had a ruler broken over his hand by an enraged teacher & still couldn't stop laughing.

Monty27 Tue 04-Dec-12 22:22:33

Nerves? Does he make you feel nervous normally?

HettySunshine Tue 04-Dec-12 22:24:24

I have experienced this in stressful situations. It's your brain's way of trying to deal with the matter and to release tension. It is a side issue though I think, why was you oh shouting at you over something trivial?

Hope you're okay x

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Tue 04-Dec-12 22:28:09

i have a terrible nervous laugh. i laughed when i told my parents i was going to be a teenage mum. i really couldn't stop it, i felt like crying but couldn't.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 04-Dec-12 22:36:50

this brings to mind being tickled you hate it but you laugh. Oh dear OP, what's going on?

Jux Tue 04-Dec-12 22:37:41

I used to giggle inanely in those sort of circumstances.

What's not normal is your oh to be shouting at you like that. Does he do it often? Over trivialities?

fiventhree Tue 04-Dec-12 22:53:56

I laughed like a drain once when DH was very annoyed because I had complained about his lack of emotional intelligence and he replied furiously that he had been " tested for it and scored 9&%, so he wasn't having that".

He was NOT happy.

desparatelyseekingsomething Wed 05-Dec-12 00:05:30

He often shouts, is quite controlling, and has got a lot worse recently. I've spent the last couple of years trying to work out whether he is emotionally and verbally abusive and I think that he is. This is the first time that I have laughed accidentally though.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 05-Dec-12 00:09:22

It's the first time you've realised what an arse he really is OP.

SundaysGirl Wed 05-Dec-12 09:46:54

He 'wasn't impressed' when you laughed as he was verbally abusing you? That sounds horrible..the dynamic just sounds like that of a nasty conrolling parent or something...reading this i had a nasty vision of him calling you names and then saying 'wipe that smile off your face young lady' type scenario. This actually made me feel a bit sick to read, I'm sorry this is happening to you.

And yea I have been known to laugh at all sorts of weird things, it's stress related. I laughed when someone close to me tried to kill themselves confused and I've laughed in arguments before as well, for different reasons.

For me actually with a man who was really abusive the laughing came later, to begin with I got angry and shouted back, then I'd just kind of cringe and stay silent and finally I began laughing...some of it was nerves (as it was esculating) some of it was me beginning to see what a piece of pathetic shit he really was, sitting there screaming like his veins were going to pop over some tiny reason. Made me see him as a pathetic little toddler having a tantrum. I used that feeling to help me LTB grin

Mu1berries Wed 05-Dec-12 12:49:50

I'd say it's because you feel you can't believe you're in that situation. I used to feel detached from the situation when my x used to call me awful names. I used to almost float above and think 'does he think he is the reasonable one here?' and 'does he think this is a normal row?'. It was a defence mechanism, that ability to detach from the hell on one level. But make no mistake you're only detaching from it on one level, intellectually perhaps. You're still there absorbing it in real life. It will be affecting your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Mu1berries Wed 05-Dec-12 12:51:33

ps I only say that because you seem to be minimising it. You have a couople of defenece mechanisms in place there. Denial and a detachment, but .......... the point I'm making; you're still actually in the situation of having a partner verbally abuse you. What are you going to actually do about that? I don't mean to be harsh.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Wed 05-Dec-12 12:52:44

what was his reaction to you laughing? You say it didn't go down well - what did he say/do?

and yes, I have inappropriate emotional reactions. It's like a little short circuit or something hmm laughing when you would expect someone to be upset. Unable to stop smiling in very serious situations.

I think it's quite common. I think it's when you're full of emotion. It doesn't mean you actually think that something is funny.

he doesn't sound like a very nice person.

Do you see yourself living like this for the rest of your life?

Mu1berries Wed 05-Dec-12 12:55:18

Sunday's girl, ABba's song 'laugh or cry' so perfectly encapsulates that feeling that it is one of the few songs that gave me a shudder and made me cry. I wouldn't normally identify with a song so strongly that it made me shiver.

listen to this

he stands towring over me
tells meeee i must take him seriously
droning on the usual way
he's such a clever guy
then i wonder should i laugh or cry

Mu1berries Wed 05-Dec-12 12:57:41

it still gets me. listenning to it again here.

"strange. how. indifferent i've become"

Then i wonder if i should laugh or cry........................................ :-/

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Wed 05-Dec-12 17:11:23

Laughing at this dick sounds quite a healthy reaction, actually. He is laughable if he thinks he's your owner and entitled to tell you off for misbehaviour.

Mu1berries Wed 05-Dec-12 19:29:32

yeah i agree. but laughing only protects you so much. don't put up with it indefinitely just because you feel you can float above it.

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