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Was he Mr Right then, but not Mr Right now?

(21 Posts)
Theala Fri 07-Dec-12 09:30:50

Such as when I had a splitting headache - he wouldn't walk to the shop to get me tablets.

* I do start to wonder if my standards are just too high for any guy to live up to!*

Eh, no. Dump and move on without a backwards glance, OP. And maybe try being by yourself for a while before you get involved with anyone else. It's ok to be alone.

Scarey123 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:27:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carlywurly Thu 06-Dec-12 16:20:39

Seriously?? Why is there any shred of doubt that you should dump him - he sounds awful. Set your standards way higher than this for next time when you're properly ready.

Scarey123 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:12:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scarey123 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:00:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisaeuphemism Thu 06-Dec-12 14:44:00

It is hard Scarey - I have been there blush , but I think you'll be proud of yourself if you 'do the right thing' by you and him.

Scarey123 Thu 06-Dec-12 14:38:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Conflugenglugen Wed 05-Dec-12 19:14:00

That would be hurtful to wait until after Christmas because you feel lonely, OP.

And I think that's the point: you don't want to be lonely, and that is how you both came together in the first place. Your grief when you broke up last week is not so much to do with the ending of this relationship as it is to do with the near certainty that you did not work through the pain of your marriage ending. No relationship is going to stand a chance until you deal with that first.

suburbophobe Wed 05-Dec-12 17:48:33

Oh, don't hold him on just to have someone for Xmas Eve.
That's cruel.

If your DDs don't like him and he won't take care of you when you're ill, why on earth prolong the agony?

ClippedPhoenix Wed 05-Dec-12 17:41:03

But i can sort of understand what the OP is saying, sometimes if you do the ripping off plaster end, you run back again. Weening isn't the worst way.

Thisisaeuphemism Wed 05-Dec-12 17:17:08

You really spend time with people you are about to dump 'because its christmas'? Blimey.

joblot Wed 05-Dec-12 17:11:42

Well I think it's fine to stay in something a while longer- this is a bobbins time of year if you're single. Everyone asks 'what are you doing for xmas' and it's awful having to say 'oh fuck all actually, but I'm so pleased youre having a fabulous family time. Enjoy!'

Grrr. So yeah, do whatever you want scarey123

AlexanderS Wed 05-Dec-12 16:41:00

Why spend a single day more with somebody you know deep down you don't want to be with? It's like pulling off a plaster - you're better to get on with and rip it off than peel it off slowly. Dump him today so you can start getting over him.

I agree with Thisisaeuphemism that it's not very fair on him either.

Thisisaeuphemism Wed 05-Dec-12 16:24:07

Um, i don't think what you are doing is very nice. It's not cheating but it's using him, isn't it. I don't get 'for obvious reasons' you might leave it til after xmas. What are the reasons?
You are attached to him, sure, but you don't respect him much. Why don't you let him move on to be with someone who likes him?

Scarey123 Wed 05-Dec-12 16:19:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scarey123 Wed 05-Dec-12 16:16:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladyWordy Tue 04-Dec-12 18:01:38

No, that feeling is not love - I'm not sure what it is, but attachment is the best word I can come up with right now.

For example: I don't think I'm alone in having split up from someone who treated me quite badly, in a relationship which had no future. But after a month I still wanted this man. It wasn't possible to get in touch with him, thank goodness, but I can't believe how much it hurt and that I even wanted him back.

If your relationship has no future, this pain and distress is just something you have to get through, later if not now. The best cure is another man wink.

One important point though.

When I had a splitting headache - he wouldn't walk to the shop to get me tablets <-- that is not a small thing. That is an indicator of someone who doesn't care about you, or your wellbeing. Also, your daughters don't like him. Not a good sign.

smallnotfaraway Tue 04-Dec-12 17:59:17

"My 2DD's don't like him and didn't like him being around" reason enough to let go.

Don't lower your standards - being kind when you don't feel well should be second nature to someone who loves you.

You know in your heart what kind of a relationship you'd like and what kind of a person you'd like it with, and this guy doesn't seem to fit the bill. He is not the only man available on this planet, you know!

Wishing you a bit more happiness in your future. smile

ClippedPhoenix Tue 04-Dec-12 17:53:26

From what you've said he's the for-now guy.

What would do it for me is the fact that the kids don't like him.

Let it go OP.

Whodhavem Tue 04-Dec-12 17:45:55

I'm sorry to hear this but you clearly have aspirations above his and want better things. Everyone finds it hard to move on at first but it's Upto you in the end. If dd don't want to be around him and by the sounds you don't so really follow your heart. You only live once and there are loads of great guys out there.
I would personally go hunting.

Scarey123 Tue 04-Dec-12 16:50:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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