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At breaking point!

(5 Posts)
honeysmummy1 Tue 04-Dec-12 13:00:31

My partner of two years has recently moved in. I have a daughter who is three from a previous relationship, I was a single mum on benefits before he moved in. When he moved in my money instantly stopped. I managed to get myself a part time job 14hrs per week to bring a bit of money in. He works full time 38 hours per week. We are still sorting out tax credit forms and housing benefit, although I dont think we are entitled to housing benefit as he earns too much.
We are finding it really hard to make ends meet, I cant do more hours at work as they only want me to do 14 and anymore would mean I would have to pay for childcare as my mum is only available three times a week when I work.
I have a car that im getting rid of as its costing too much, he has a car also that he needs for work. mine is an old heap that needs scrapped, its just sitting in the car park doing nothing, eating up my bank balance so we were thinking of putting me on his insurance instead.
We had a big falling out last night as he thinks its a good idea to find a flat with his friend and split the bills (his friend works full time so would be earning much more than i do) he thinks by doing this he can save more for the mortgage deposit (we are currently renting). If he moved out I would have to claim benefits as a single parent again and give up my job as its not enough hours to pay everything on my own. His friend who he wants to share a flat with is a total man whore who would bring women back to the flat, lots of boys nights in etc I just dont want my partner house hunting with him when it should be us house hunting and settling down. I would rather be struggling and be together than be on benefits again just so we can save for a mortgage which would no doubt have us skint anyway!
what do you think?

Kaluki Tue 04-Dec-12 13:07:17

I think he needs to decide if he is with you or not.
If you claim benefits as a single person you must BE a single person or it is committing fraud.
If he is committed to being in a relationship with you and living with you and your dd then he needs to face the fact that money will be tight at times, if he can't do that then you should show him the door.
We are in a similar position - don't earn enough to afford a mortgage but we are just over the threshold to qualify for tax credits or housing benefit but there is no way I would commit benefit fraud and DP would never consider moving out to enable this.
Life is shit at times when you are hard up but cheating the system is not the answer and I would have very little respect for a man who suggested something like this.

honeysmummy1 Tue 04-Dec-12 13:10:35

he says he wouldnt be cheating the system as he would visit but not stay and money would be seperate. I just dont like the idea of living with his single buddy when he should be settling with me.
i know he wants a mortgage and a future but i dont think living apart is the answer.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 04-Dec-12 13:38:56

I'd say he's having second thoughts here to be honest.

But yes you can still keep your job and get tax credits if you do 16 hours and above, in fact you will get more than if you gave it up.

When can your daughter go to nursery? isn't it 3.5 now a days?

Kaluki Tue 04-Dec-12 18:08:26

Surely you discussed your finances before he moved in ?
Itself like there is Loreto his decision to rent with a friend than meets the eye.
Is he scared of the commitment?

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