I've been married for 20 months, have a 5 month baby and my husband suffers from depression, has issues with alcohol and when I was pregnant 4 months he was diagnosed with bipolar.
When I was 3 months pregnant I left our home and moved in with a friend, as he drank too much, would say the most hurtful things, then not remember what he would say or do (eg, smash laptop into ceiling, phone on the floor). I felt so threatened by him and the final straw was when he dragged me out of the house, locked the front door and left me outside for 5 minutes. I was bear feet, had a t-shirt on and it was Winter's night. I moved back at 7 months and he promised that he wouldn't drink to excess again, things would change and he wanted to make it work. In the first week back from the hospital, he was not happy that the house work hadn't been done, the house was a mess, etc, meanwhile I was adjusting to becoming a new mum and feeding at all hours. I moved back thinking it would work, but I wasn't long back and things were going downhill again.
When our baby was 4 weeks he ended up in A&E drunk with a black eye which he couldn't remember how it happened. Blamed me for his behaviour, and getting into A&E, despite the fact I wasn't there and hadn't been in contact with him. He has sought help for his depression and bipolar, but has not made an appointment to see a therapist for months, despite being recommended the therapist. He just sees the psychiatrist, when I asked tonight why he hadn't made the appointment with the therapist he said he's been busy and was told to stop having a go at him. I feel so let down by him and he can't be bothered to seek help, particularly as it was his depression, that led to drinking that drove me out of our home. He say's he's still very depressed. I just cannot cope with the fact that he's not prepared to help himself. Last week he went out for a long lunch when he shouldn't be drinking on this medication and more lunches are in the diary for December. He leaves home at 7am, is home by 8pm and said last week that he would far prefer to be 'lounging' around the house than going off to work. I've hardly been lounging around the house with a 5 month old.
In addition to this, I'm not English and am from another country far away. I have no family support, his family and friends are not interested in me or the baby. I have met other mothers locally and do have friends, although they live a good hour's journey away. So many other incidents and hurtful things have been said since having the baby, and somehow he always blames me for his own behaviour, i.e. he wouldn't have reacted, it I didn't say that. Since having the baby I've said that our marriage isn't working and he just says well there's the door if you're not happy, but then says that it would be me, not him, walking out of the marriage, but will just say horrible things. I cannot bear to think what it would be like to bring a child up in this environment, I can bearly cope with it, let alone a child. How bad does it have to be to walk away from a marriage? If our marriage ends I would want to take our baby back home and it's easier to do when they're younger and before the child has formed a 'relationship' with the father, so I worry that if I do try and make it work and our marriage fails, that I would have a bigger challenge on my hands later on. I say this, as throughout our relationship he has broken so many promises relating to his behaviour, so my confidence in this marriage working is pretty how. I know the old saying that people don't change and after being with my husband for four years (boyfriend 2 years, husband nearly 2 years), I'm begining to think that he's not going to change.
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Married - should I stay or go?
15 replies
1happylife · 03/12/2012 23:00
OP posts:
Lllllb ·
10/12/2022 00:29
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