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Is he a freeloader?

(54 Posts)
Brenboo Mon 03-Dec-12 21:54:17

Ok, long story short. Im divorced, was in a DV relationship. Ended it. Got divorced. Have a 7 year old daughter. All good in my mind. Met a lovely man about 2 years after divorce. I have a very good job with a good salary. Paying mortgage on my own house in lovely area. After 2 years met another man. He was also divorced. He had been married 18+ years and wife says she didnt love him anymore. No kids on his side. He is kind, gentle, funny, considerate. After 1 year of him staying with me for weekends, we decide to have a go at living together. Financial facts on him are, he has
savings of about £50k plus another £50k tied up in property. He has own business but it not doing very well with the result being i earn about 3 times what he earns. When we discussed the financial side of living together I was concerned that should the relationship not work out, I didnt want anyone to make a claim on my home. (After my marriage ended, I had to remortgage to buy ex h out of home.) New partner assured me this wont happen. At the minute we is share the bills equally. But he doesnt contribute anything to mortgage. This was at his suggestion. Im thinking the reason for this was because I made it clear it was my house... The idea is in the long term should things really work out in a 2-3 years, when my daughter finishes school we would buy a house together. Thing is its starting to niggle me that he gets 2-3 years of mortgage free life while im working my ass off to pay my mortgage... while he lives in my house and saves his money... Im also finding that when theres a bill to be paid I have to remind him about 5/6 times about it. He is forgetful but its pissing me off.. So i suggested he set up a direct bank payment to mine which he eventually did but my big gripe is that he maybe thinks hey this is great Im saving my money and living rent free... Then i honestly ask myself if the situ was reversed and i lived in his house I would abso-fucking-lutley have to make a payment for the fact that i lived there...

mrshwindsor Sat 08-Dec-12 20:49:27

you pay the mortgage and he pay's (virtually) ALL other bills? unless your mortgage is the size of Canada you should be VERY happy with this agreement

Lueji Sat 08-Dec-12 22:06:13

He pays half of the other bills.

The thing here is that he's not contributing equally to the house, but by living in it he may have some claim in future, whilst his 50k in property are protected from the current partner. But, at the same time, he is also saving money on the rent he'd have to pay living elsewhere.

Even if this was a woman, moving to a man's house with his DD, whilst having safe properties elsewhere, it would make sense to contribute towards house costs, but not necessarily mortgage.
Similarly to what would happen if they were renting.

Helltotheno Sat 08-Dec-12 22:37:35

Don't get why he's paying for santa or anything for your child, beyond a small gift from himself to her, I just don't understand that part at all.

In general, I don't think you should have moved in together.... I don't want to be hard on him because he sounds nice, though I totally do not buy the 'forgetfulness' excuse, but with you having a decent job and your own house, what's the benefit for you to having him living with you? Yes you get a few bills paid but wouldn't you prefer just keep your independence in all senses? You're better off financially, that's the reality. No matter what way you do it (marriage, living together etc), he still potentially could make a claim on your asset couldn't he? The fact that he says he won't means nowt because that could change overnight.

Do you regret moving in with him?

LessMissAbs Sat 08-Dec-12 23:13:13

Yes, he is a freeloader.

Why not either give him a tenancy agreement, so there can be no arguement in the future over any claim he has on the property, and get him to pay his fair share, or get him to sign an agreement relinquishing any future claim on your property but paying a contribution towards costs?

Theres no way I would put up with him living there free of charge, never mind the "forgetfullness" about paying bills. No wonder his ex-wife got fed up with him... What sort of man with self respect would suggest such a thing?

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