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How to deal with people that dominate conversation and talk over others?

(84 Posts)
Galaxycounters Sun 02-Dec-12 17:11:02

Yesterday I went on a day/night out for a friend's hen day/night. There were 10 of us that went. I'm friends with them all but not good friends.

Two that went are very, very loud dominant characters. One in particular is extremely loud, talks constantly and expects full attention of everyone in the group every time she opens her mouth, which was extremely draining. We met up initially at lunchtime and had lunch as a group and for the whole of the lunch (90 mins) she talked and expected full attention of the group, in a very loud voice, talking about things about her and her life. No one else could get a word in edgeways. The other loud girl did sometimes get to speak but she'd usually totally cut off anyone that tried to speak and carry on talking, so in the end we all gave up. I tried a couple of times to make conversation in a little sub group with the 2 either side of me and she'd start looking at us all, saying our names, or pointing at us like she was directly talking to us and no one else so it felt rude to talk.

We did an activity in the afternoon, which was fine as we were in pairs/small groups and it was easy to avoid her, although she was VERY loud. Then in the evening we had another meal, during which she was even worse than lunchtime. We must have been in the restaurant for 2.5 hours and she talked the entire time. She had had a lot of alcohol and spoke again about things she'd told us in the morning at lunchtime, and again no one else could get a word in edgeways. If any of us spoke in a small group she'd just dominate the conversation and try to drag us back into listening. The few occasions anyone else did manage to talk she'd turn it back round onto her. I didn't hear her ask anyone else a single question about themselves, it was all about her.

I'm so cross. I feel she ruined the entire day tbh. I found her speeches very boring, she isn't very politically correct and I would imagine has caused a bit of offence.

How is it best to deal with people like that? Why do people get away with that kind of behaviour?

HullyEastergully Tue 04-Dec-12 15:18:46

I think it's because mostly I don't need to talk about myself, when I go out/talk to other people it's because I want to be taken OUT of my own head iyswim, so I'm interested in what they think, not in talking about what I think, I already know what I think, I'd rather hear soemthing new and have something fresh to think about.

I will talk about muyself if asked, but it doesn't greatly interest me.

HullyEastergully Tue 04-Dec-12 15:20:07

Should add that I can absolutely do the tell funny stories and entertain thing too, and often do.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 04-Dec-12 15:39:43

Whereas many people want to share their latest thoughts, gain most satisfaction from being heard and see others as an audience. I admit I've had 'conversations' I've come away from with nothing, as i was wrapped up with sharing my thoughts and didn't take that much notice of what others said. Very unsatisfying, as really, I think making connections is what it's all about.

Thing is, if everyone could take the 'host / facilitator' role, knowing this is not the same as making it about them but being willing to give of themselves to achieve it, situations like the OP's shouldn't arise.

Proudnscaryvirginmary Tue 04-Dec-12 15:40:15

My gavel didn't even makes sense confused <am bit of a twat>

I am also tres funny and entertaining can I just say!! I am just shy-ish with people I don't know in a non-work scenario. In work mode I am a social whirlwind and a hand pumping maniac <more twattage>

HullyEastergully Tue 04-Dec-12 15:44:01

<snort> at proud

BerylStreep Tue 04-Dec-12 16:24:32

Proud, that last comment really makes me wonder what you do for a living.

Snurk, do you do much hand-pumping?

Proudnscaryvirginmary Tue 04-Dec-12 16:49:24

I don't actually know what's wrong with me today. I do apologise.

garlicbaubles Tue 04-Dec-12 16:55:57

It's that whirlwind, Proud, it's messed about with your hand pump grin

Tulahoob Mon 11-Feb-13 12:13:36

I've known several people like this over the years and I'm afraid I found them intolerable and refuse to socialise with them or spend any time with them these days

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