Have namechanged for this.
I just don't where to begin to fix this. I'm deeply embarrassed to admit it even here with a nc, but dh and I don't have a sex life at all, once or twice a year we make love, that's it. On one of those occasions I conceived dc2 now age 8.
I have NO sex drive whatsoever. I love dh very very very much and I really WANT to express that sexually but I have completely lost whatever it is that makes people want to have sex . I don't know how dh has managed through this time, I really don't. He loves me deeply and somehow that's held him here in a sexless marriage, plus his own parents divorced and he vowed never to put his own children through that, so I know that holds him here too. He stopped initiating sex years ago because he said the constant rejection is hurtful.
I keep thinking day after day after day I have to get my act together otherwise he will leave and he has every reason to. He didn't sign up to a sexless marriage. It isn't a loveless one, although I am rarely physically intimate either.
I think the cause may lie in my childhood, but I'm not sure. My mum had serious mental health problems which were largely untreated and I experienced physical (not sexual) and emotional abuse.
She killed herself 11 years ago and almost overnight, I stopped having sex with dh. I had a lot of counselling to come to terms with what she did and what I went through whilst she was alive. Dh and I also went to relate for couples counselling to deal with the fallout that her death caused.
But still no sex life and this is entirely down to me. Dh is endlessly patient about it and has somehow accepted this existence.
I had a long term relationship prior to dh and a few years into that, the sex disappeared, but that's because I fell out of love with him. He turned out to be pretty weird and was thoroughly disliked by all my family and friends who knew he wasn't right for me, but I was in denial about it for years and didn't get the courage up to end it for years until I just saw sense one day.
I don't know what to do, things cannot go on like this. How the hell do I get my sex drive back. I love dh, I'm sexually attracted to him still. What do I do?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Sex once or twice a year.....for 10 years. My sex drive and my long-suffering dh.
HoorayForHollywood · 02/12/2012 11:16
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