Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Top tips for getting them out of your head?

(5 Posts)
twosquared Sun 02-Dec-12 02:03:55

So, your relationship has broken down, you're on your own, but you still have to communicate all the time about the kids, finances etc.

How to get to a point where they don't come into your head 10/20/30 times a day (depending on the day) and your thoughts are on your life not theirs, or what they've done to you????

Here are some of my thoughts

"He said he would never cheat, would never leave, loved me, how come I'm a single mum?"
"I hate him for having his happy life while I'm stuck dealing with four kids"
"its not fair, my life has been stolen"
"he's a bastard"
"how did i not realise what he was really like?"
"will he ever wake up from this crazy state he's in and be a decent dad"

I just want to build a happy life for myself. Its so hard moving on when there are kids involved. Was never so hard with a boyfriend. You just didn't see them and that was that. I don't like him being able to live rent free in my brain!

All tips appreciated!!!!!

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sun 02-Dec-12 10:10:16

Some suggestions...
- Fill your waking hours with absorbing and interesting tasks, people, hobbies, entertainment and so on. the less down-time you give yourself, the less opportunity you have to dwell on negative thoughts, revenge, etc.
- Plan things for the future and fill your diary going forward. Doesn't have to be anything too earth-shattering, just to give yourself a sense of control, purpose and progress. When you feel your life has been stolen it's important to steal it right back.
- Limit your communications about kids/finances/etc to the bare minimum. Condense to one short e-mail or text rather than multiple contacts. Make it a goal to not be in touch at all most days.
- Keep hold of 'he's a bastard' because that, in a nutshell, covers off 'he said he would never cheat', 'I'm stuck with four kids', 'why isn't he a decent dad' and 'how did I not realise'. (Bastards do not helpfully walk among us wearing 'I'm a bastard' t-shirts... petition pending)

Good luck

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sun 02-Dec-12 10:14:45

Sorry.... should add on the flip-side that you should spend as much time as possible deliberately 'bigging up' your positive points - preferably in the company of a friend that can fill in the gaps with the ones you overlook....

- I'm a fabulous person that has much more potential now I'm not saddled with a bastard
- My four wonderful DCs are wonderful because of my efforts exclusively ...
- I can do anything I like with my life. I don't need anyone's permission or approval
- Only weak people run off .... strong people like me stick around and roll up their sleeves


twosquared Sun 02-Dec-12 13:12:53

Cogit you are a total legend! Thank you!

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sun 02-Dec-12 13:22:17

You're very kind...

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: